From The Darkness Comes Light
by DreamsOfEdward1
Summary: Through friendship & loss, Edward & Bella will realize what's been missing from their lives. Through each other, they will gain the strength to erase the memories & start a new life. She will change him in ways he never imagined possible. AH – Rated M.
1. Chapter 1 The Dream

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.

**A/N: Thank you to my friend and beta (Jeanne) SparklingWand and my beautiful pre-reader (Jackie)TwiMoments I luv u girls to Death!**

**~x~**

**"The Dream"**

**"When I dream, I dream of falling,**

**falling onto you**.

**When I dream, I dream of drowning,**

**longing for the shore,** **to breathe again. **

**Breathing the air which is your essence.**

**When I dream, I dream of burning, **

**burning bright, **

**burning strong **

**Longing for the **water** to put out the flame.**

**When I dream, I dream of darkness. **

**The darkness devours me **

**Waiting for the light, for the candle, which you hold.**

**When I dream, I dream of rain pouring,**

**drenching me with its coldness, **

**feeling the blanket that you lay across me to give me warmth.**

**When I dream, I dream of you saving me from all my fears.**

**When I dream, I dream of a heaven **

**where you and I can lay underneath the sky,**

**and where you'll always be with me. **

**When I dream, I dream of forever **

**When I dream, I wish it lasted **

**When I dream, you never leave. **

**When I dream, my **heart **does not get deceived, **

**If only the dreams I dream would come true." **

**Author unknown.**

**~x~**

**Chapter One (The Dream)**

**~Bella~**

"Come closer baby," his smooth velvety voice whispered seductively, as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. His warm kisses leaving a trail of heat from my ear all the way down my neck. His hands wound tightly in my hair controlling my every movement. He knew exactly what I needed from him, as if we'd done this a million times before.

His lips moved eagerly down my neck, as he reached down to the cuff of my shirt pulling it from me in an instant.

"So beautiful," he whispers. I watch his fingers trace the curves of my body leaving nothing but fire in their wake. He reaches behind me with little effort removing my bra and throwing it to the floor with my shirt. Slowly his warm kisses move down my body until his lips make contact with my breasts. A soft whimper escapes my lips as he gently sucks one nipple in his mouth. His expert fingers make their way to the other breast as he rolls it between his fingertips feeling it harden with his firm touch.

Releasing me from his mouth he looks into my eyes, "I need you angel."

Could this really be happening? It felt like I had waited an eternity for this moment. Now here we were, after all this time, finally right where I had longed to be for so long. His hands and mouth gently caressing every inch of my body, causing emotions to stir in me that I didn't even know still existed.

It felt like a dream. I secretly wondered, _Is this a dream?_

"Bella!" I suddenly heard someone screaming my name. The voice sounded vaguely familiar to me, but I simply ignored it.

"Bella! Wake up! You're going to be late."

I didn't want to listen. I wanted to stay right there, wrapped in the arms of the only man I had ever really loved.

"Bella, come on. Get up!" Thanks to Jacob's pleas, I was ripped from my moment of utter bliss.

Opening my eyes and staring into Jacob's angry face, I suddenly realized it really had been just a dream, a wonderful dream, about a boy from my past. Edward Cullen.

It was the same dream I awoke from every morning. He had been my entire world, had meant everything to me and even though many years and miles had separated us, clearly he still does. He was still the man I always dreamed of, not my husband.

Jacob, to me, was my safety net. He and I met in college, he was really the first friend I had allowed myself to get close to after I arrived at the University of Washington, where I was studying on a full scholarship. Over time our friendship grew, and turned into something more, for Jacob at least.

For myself, I knew in my heart that I would never love again. At least, not the way I loved Edward.

Jacob was safe, and he loved me despite my flaws. While I knew I would never be able to give him my whole heart, allowing him to reside in a small place of it was enough.

So on that May evening, when he asked me for my hand in marriage, I made the hasty decision to say 'yes.' I knew then it was the wrong decision, but I was afraid of being alone. Jacob was the only thing in my life that offered me the assurance that I would never have to be again.

My marriage to him was spur of the moment to say the least. Now here I was, twenty-nine years old, waking up to reality. A reality that was, at best, a bleak shell of an existence. I realized more and more everyday how unhappy I really was.

How did I get here? In a one-sided marriage, so far away from that boy I loved?

Where was he now, does he think of me the way I think of him? Does he even remember me? Does he have a happy life? These were all questions I asked myself and as terrible as it sounds, I wished he didn't. I hoped that somehow life had found him as miserable as I was that he to felt as though there was a piece of himself missing as much as I did.

It was hard not to remember the first day of my sophomore year at Forks High School. Even though it seemed so long ago now, It was after all the day that would shape my entire future...the very day that Edward Cullen made his entrance into my life.

~Flashback~

I was standing in the school parking lot, talking to Jessica about her summer long trip to Florida. I pretended to give a shit about the joys of her summer vacation while I had been stuck in Forks working my stupid fucking part-time job at the diner in town.

My dad, the great Forks Chief of Police had a secret, he was a gambler. He was so addicted to the thrill of the bet that he nearly lost everything we had.

Though things were always a little strained between my dad and I, it was hard to blame him for having ended up this way, considering my mother walked out and left him to raise me all on his own. He worshipped the ground she walked and everything about him changed the day she left.

But thanks to his gambling addiction, it took both mine and Charlie's salaries to make ends meet. Without my extra income, we would surely be living on the streets by now. I guess I should feel lucky that he was still able to hold down his job, it couldn't be easy being a drunk and the chief of police. Being a cop, he had sort of an extended family and they were always watching out for him, they knew Charlie hadn't always been like this.

I looked over Jessica's shoulder, still pretending to be interested in her endless chatter, when my eyes fell upon Edward for the first time. His car was hard not to notice as it pulled into a spot not far from where Jessica and I were standing. It stood out like a sore thumb, shiny, black and clearly expensive, it just wasn't the normal beater most of the kids here at Forks high drove. When the car came to a stop and he stepped out for the first time, my heart literally skipped a beat with the sight of him.

It was obvious that just like his car, Edward Cullen was not your normal Forks boy. He was very tall with a slender, but muscular build. His beautiful bronze hair was sticking out ever which way in perfect disarray, as though he had just rolled out of bed. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him from the moment he stepped out of his car he had me under his spell.

Shutting his car door, he brought his long slender fingers up sliding them back through his thick hair, it was clear that this was something he did often from the looks of his hair and who could blame him because watching this simple act had me wishing that I too could run my fingers through this beautiful boys hair over and over again. In fact it was something I'm sure I would find my self fantasizing about for quite some time.

I turned back towards Jessica and asked if she knew who the new boy was, as I pointed in his direction.

She half-heartedly looked where I was pointing and said, "Oh. Haven't you heard?"

I shrugged, "If I had heard, I wouldn't be asking."

Jessica rolled her eyes as she continued, "That's Edward Cullen. Rumor has it that he and his family moved here over the summer from Chicago. His father is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and he'll be taking over as Chief of Surgery at Forks General."

"The beautiful blond boy with him is his brother, Jasper. They have an older brother, too, named Emmett."

Just as she said that I turned to see the other boy climbing out of the car as well. He seemed different then Edward, he didn't carry the same air of confidence his brother had about him. "Where's the third boy? I only see two."

Jessica huffed, seeming annoyed that the conversation was no longer about her and her stupid vacation. "Apparently from what I hear, he moved to Boston to attend Harvard University, while the rest of the family came here. He wants to be a doctor, just like his father."

Noticing Edward glance in our direction. I quickly turned my head and peeked at him from the corner of my eye. He smiled, no doubt noticing my lame attempt at being subtle. He reached up and slid his black Ray Ban sunglasses halfway down his face, revealing the most vibrant green eyes, I have ever seen, looking right at me. At that moment the corner of his mouth raised up in a cocky, crooked that nearly took my breath away.

I couldn't look away. I was mesmerized by him and those captivating green eyes of his. My breathing became erratic, my heart was racing and I knew he could surely see the effect he was having on me. I watched his brother walk to his side as Edward pointed in our direction. Jasper mumbled something to him I couldn't quite make out, causing them both to chuckle. Jasper glanced at me shaking his head and I knew my cheeks had to be a brilliant shade of red by now. This was insane, no one had ever had this kind of effect on me and he hadn't even spoken one word yet.

Edward flashed that sexy crooked grin of his at me one last time, as he and his brother turned and walked away in the opposite direction, never giving me another glance. They headed straight for the main office of the school. I assumed they were going to pick up their class schedules with this being their first day.

After watching the two of them disappear from sight, I looked back at Jessica to see her glaring at me, "What?" I questioned with a smirk on my face.

"I wouldn't go there if I were you Bella, from what I hear the Cullen boys are nothing but trouble."

"Pffft...you can't believe everything you here Jess, that's why it's called GOSSIP." I growled, rolled my eyes, turned and walked away.

I knew Jessica Stanley like the back of my hand, there was only one reason she would tell me to stay away from Edward Cullen. She wanted him for herself... _not this time Jess, _I thought to myself as I made my way to my first class of the day.

My first few periods went by at an excruciatingly slow pace. With the start of each class, I would glance towards the door, hoping to see the boy with the captivating green eyes walk in. As the day progressed into lunch time, however, I hadn't had a single class with him or Jasper.

I met up with Jessica and Alice just outside the cafeteria. Alice had been my best friend and next door neighbor for as long as I could remember. She was the only one who brought light into this dismal town we lived in, at least for me.

Alice was my polar opposite. I was quiet and shy, nothing more than an ordinary, unpopular girl. There was nothing special to speak of when it came to me. Alice, on the other hand, was one of the most popular girls in school. She had a presence about her that everyone seemed to be drawn to. I had never seen her unhappy, not once since I had first met her in third grade. Come to think of it, I had never even seen her shed a tear. She always managed to find the good in everything and everyone.

That was why I often questioned why she enjoyed spending her time with me. I felt as though I was always the downer in our friendship. She was constantly trying to cheer me up. Not a weekend went by that she didn't try to drag me to the mall or to some crazy party, but I always refused. It just wasn't me. I never really understood why she exerted so much energy in trying to save me from myself.

Alice, Jessica, and I took our seats at our normal table in the cafeteria, the table we had claimed as ours since freshman year. I happened to glance up and notice the Cullen boys were seated directly across from us on the other side of the cafeteria. I watched as Edward stood and glanced in the direction of our table.

He suddenly turned and started towards me. My breath hitched when it appeared he may actually speak to me. Once again, however, that cocky grin spread across his face, as he looked right at me, chuckled, grabbed his cell phone from his pocket, quickly began dialing, turned and walked right out of the cafeteria.

Remembered to breathe again, I found myself slightly irritated at his smug attitude. Unfortunately, Edward didn't re-appear the rest of the lunch hour. To say I was disappointed would have been the understatement of the year. Finally, the bell rang, signaling that lunchtime was over, and it was time to head to my fifth period Biology class.

When I arrived a few minutes early, I was surprised to see Edward sitting at a table, which had the only empty seat in the entire classroom, with his head tilted downward. He didn't look up when I scooted the chair out to sit down beside him. It seemed as though he barely noticed me at all.

His cocky grin had all but disappeared, and to be honest, he looked quite angry or was it sad it was really hard to tell. I took a moment to ponder what could have happened during lunch that had changed his mood so drastically. He didn't speak to me at all, and when he did finally look up, it appeared that his mind was somewhere else altogether. Those beautiful eyes of his were filled with such sadness that my heart screamed to take it away.

I noticed as he glanced at me that his brilliant green orbs were now dulled, glazed and bloodshot. I knew all too well what that meant. He had spent his lunch getting high. Since it was now clear to me what Edward's lunchtime activities had entailed, my next goal was to find out why? Was getting high his normal reaction to numbing his pain? If so, then I suddenly realized Edward and I had at least one thing in common.

I inhaled deeply. Sitting this close to him, I realized how incredible his aroma was. Although I did pick up the distinct odor of weed, it was mixed with a combination of mint and expensive cologne.

Nervously, I looked towards him, and worked up the courage to speak. "Hi," I said. "My name is Bella, Bella Swan."

He just stared at me for a moment with a blank expression across his face, and without uttering a single word, turned his head back towards the front of the class. The rest of the period was spent in silence while Mr. Birdie went on with his boring lecture on cell reproduction.

When the bell rang at the end of class, I stood and grabbed my backpack trying to exit the room as quickly as possible. I felt humiliated by his silence, and needed to get out of there before the tears that threatened to fall could embarrass me any further. I started to wonder if Jess had been right after all, maybe Edward was nothing but trouble for me and God knows I have enough trouble in my life already.

Just as I was about to make my way out of the door, I felt a jolt of electricity go through me, as a hand grabbed my shoulder and brought me to a standstill. I turned and saw Edward standing there, looking apprehensive, not at all like the strong, cocky boy from earlier today. No, this boy seemed broken and weary, almost like he had the weight of the world upon his shoulders. I felt a sudden urge to reach out and touch him. My heart ached at the sight of this strong boy looking so broken and defeated. All I could think about was taking his pain away.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "It's been a really shitty day. My name is Edward Cullen. It's nice to meet you Bella Swan." One side of his mouth lifted up in that crooked grin I'd seen in the parking lot this morning and then just like that it was gone again.

With that he turned and walked out of class. I didn't see Edward again for the rest of the day. One thing was for certain, I knew I had to see him again. Clearly there was much to be learned about this beautiful boy, and I knew at that moment as strange as it sounds that I wanted to be the one he spilled his secrets to and nothing would stop me from getting what I wanted.

**~Flash Forward~**

"Come on, Bella," Jacob whined. "I have to drive you to work this morning. Remember, your car is in the shop, so get up and get ready, or we're both going to be late!"

Yes, reality was a bitch, and I couldn't help but feel like so much time had been wasted. I feel like my life is just passing me by. It's as if I'm watching a movie in fast forward, screaming for someone to hit reverse.

"Alright, Jacob," I grumbled. "I'm up. Give me ten minutes to take a shower and get dressed." I growled.

I stepped into the water's hot flow, and wondered if I would ever find it again, that missing piece of my life, of my soul. Was that beautiful boy who made me love him and then broke my heart into a thousand pieces still out there waiting for me to find him?

Where my heart had once been, whole, happy and filled with the hope of a future, now was just a shell. An empty shell of a memory, and that memory was what held me back every day of my life. _Has he changed at all over the years that have separated us_? _Does he dream of me, as I do of him_?

My anger over the pain he had caused me, had somewhat dissipated over the years we've been apart. I hate to admit there was that part of me that wished he still longed for me the way I did for him, but there was that other part of me that prayed he had somehow found the happiness that had eluded me. I hoped he had finally found peace within himself to heal his troubled past. Despite it all, he deserved that and infinitely more.


	2. Chapter 2 Waiting

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.

**A/N:** **I want to thank someone very dear to me, (Jeanne) SparklingWand, my beta. Thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me. I can not tell you how happy I am that unseen forces brought you to me!~ Without you I would be lost!**

**Thank you also to my great friend and pre-reader (Jackie) TwiMoments. Love you loads girl! **

**Last but not least I want to thank all of my readers for the wonderful reviews you left me on the first chapter of this story! I hope that this chapter lives up to your expectations and you continue to stick with me with me on this endeavor! Love you all! Please review me because I live for your feedback:) Hugs to you all!**

**~x~**

**'Waiting'**

**Wanting, Lusting to be held,**

**to be loved, to feel warmth, **

**to feel your beating heart.**

**Wanting to be sheltered from the cold,**

**heartless winds.**

**Falling into visible arms; **

**into an abyss of love.**

**Wishing, hoping, that my desires will be filled;**

**my desires of loving warmth.**

**Wanting to be held, comforted, loved.**

**Dreaming of passionate embraces, **

**of tender kisses, loving words, romantic nights.**

**Waiting for Undying love.**

**By: Dawn D.**

**~x~**

**"Chapter Two"**

**(Waiting)**

**~Bella~**

Thank God it wasn't a long car ride from the house to R&R Publishing, where I had been working since I graduated from college seven years ago. Apparently my waking up late has pissed Jacob off, because his incessant whining is really starting to get on my nerves.

"Why can't you ever do anything on time, Bella? All I ever do is wait on you, it really gets old, ya know!"

Fuck, he is really starting to piss me off. Okay, so I've never been one to be punctual, is that such a horrible crime? I mean, really. Like I said, thank God this was a short car ride!

"Jesus, Jake, give me a fucking break. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and I didn't get much sleep last night." I yelled.

"Really?" he seethed. "Could this have anything to do with Edward?"

I was taken aback by him mentioning Edward, quite literally shocked. I had never told Jacob about Edward. In fact, I had never talked to anyone about Edward. The only person who even remembered him was my dad Charlie, and he knew better than to bring up that subject with me.

I don't speak to anyone from Forks anymore, sadly not even Alice. Losing her from my life has left another empty hole in my chest, but cutting off all ties was a necessary step for me to take. After the pain that Edward caused me back then, it was the only step at the time I thought I could take to obtain any sense of a normal, somewhat sane life. _How wrong I was _to think I'd be better off without my best friend by my side. I missed her terribly and fought back the urge everyday to pick up the phone and try to find her. But I had to face the fact that she, like Edward, was part of a past and would only ever exist in my memory now.

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, "Jacob, who is Edward?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"I don't know," he said, squinting his eyes in my direction. "I figured you could tell me that, considering you said his name at least ten times last night in your sleep."

My breath hitched with his words and things started to race through my mind.

What else had I said in my sleep?

What else had Jake heard?

When I regained my composure and remembered to breathe again, I answered him.

"Jake, I have no idea what you are talking about." I lied .

I considered many times telling him about Edward, in the beginning of our relationship, but it just seemed easier to leave it buried just beneath the surface. How wrong I was again; so many mistakes made that can't be undone now. No, if I were to tell Jacob about Edward now, I have no doubt it would be clear on my face that he is and always has been my only true love. How would I ever make the man I'd chosen to spend the last ten years of my life with understand that no matter how hard he tries, he will never hold the same place in my heart that this beautiful boy from my past held.

I looked over at him to gauge the expression on his face. His angular jaw went from being clinched, to suddenly relaxed and I breathed a sigh of relief as It appeared I was safe, for the time being anyway. Edward's name must have been the only thing I'd let slip in my sleep last night, because Jacob turned back towards the road, and didn't mention it again.

When we arrived at my office, he pulled up to the curb and I opened the car door to get out. I was startled when he grabbed my arm and pulled me back in my seat.

I panicked for a moment, thinking he was going to bring Edward up again. Instead, he reached over and kissed me on the cheek.

"We need to discuss your birthday party tonight when we get home. It's coming up, and it's the big three-o, so we should plan something special for you." he said smiling, the anger from a few moments ago either forgotten or pushed to the side.

But I was anything but calm with the mention of my birthday. My heart pounded in my chest and my breathing became erratic, birthdays were NOT my thing. The last time someone told me they wanted to do something special for me on my birthday, I ended up with a broken heart.

**~Flashback~ **

**September 13th, 1997**

"Keep your eyes closed, angel," Edward whispered gently in my ear.

"Where are you taking me? Edward, you know I hate surprises."

"Bella, stop complaining," he said with a chuckle.

"Sit back, keep your eyes closed, and enjoy the ride. We'll be there soon," he smiled, as he took my hand in his and placed a soft kiss on it. "I promise. You'll love what I have planned for you."

"Edward–" I started to whine, but he silenced me by taking his finger, putting it to my lips, and looking at me with those piercing green eyes of his.

"It's your birthday, baby. Please let me make it special for you."

That was it. That was all he ever had to do. One look from him and my heart melted instantly. I didn't say another word, and I did not open my eyes again until we arrived at our destination.

"You can open your eyes now, angel," he whispered, as the car came to a stop.

He shut the engine off and I opened my eyes to see a beautiful cabin decorated with what seemed like thousands of white lights right in front of us. He looked over at me with a smile spread from ear to ear "Surprise baby!"

"Oh my God Edward, how did you...," I trailed off in shock.

Apparently, Edward's family owned this cabin in the mountains not too far from Forks. To my astonishment, he was able to arrange for us to spend the whole night here together. He had somehow managed to put Alice up to telling my father that she wanted to take me on an overnight shopping trip in Seattle for my birthday. Amazingly, Charlie had agreed to let me go.

Edward opened my car door, took my hand, and pulled me from the car. When we walked in the front door of the cabin, I couldn't believe what I saw. Everywhere I looked there were candles lit and rose petals strewn around. Soft music played in the background, and my eyes were drawn to a beautiful table set for two.

I looked up at him with what must have been a huge grin across my face, because he began to smile too.

"This kind of surprise pleases you I can see," he said as he took my coat, and led me towards the dining room.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Famished," I replied. I really was starving. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and we had skipped lunch in order to make it here quicker. He pulled me by my hand towards the table, and pulled out a chair for me.

"Sit, m'lady" he gestured towards the chair with a smile.

I sat down without a word, still dumbfounded as to how he had arranged all of this.

After I was seated, he bent down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before he disappeared into the kitchen, quickly returning with two big bags of Chinese take-out from my favorite restaurant.

"Dinner is served," he chuckled, making me smile wide.

"Edward," I said, "How did you do all of this?"

"Does it matter?" he asked. "I wanted this night to be special for both of us. I've been planning it for weeks."

"Thank you," was all I could muster.

Edward and I had been together now for exactly one year. Over the past year, the only real details I had learned about him were that he and his brother Jasper, both been adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen when he was 13 and Jasper was 15. I knew nothing else of his past, except that whatever had happened with his real family must have been very traumatic; because he often fell into bouts of depression, getting high and withdrawing from the whole world, including me.

I'd tried several times to get bits of information out of him, but he was never willing to share his past. All I knew was that he was adopted, and something terrible must have happened prior to his adoption. Recently it had really started to get to me that he was unwilling to open up to me, I mean I had shared everything with him, including my mother walking out on Charlie and I. It seemed so unfair that he didn't seem to trust me enough to share his secrets with me.

So, not only was it my birthday, but it was also our anniversary. Our very first date had been on my birthday one year ago, although I hadn't told him at the time that it was my birthday. When he found out, he more than made up for it.

We finished eating, and we cleared away the remainder of the food before moving to the couch in front of the fireplace. He pulled me closer to him, and I felt the electricity that always seemed to radiate in the air around us. It was always there, that need, that desire to be as close to him as I possibly could be.

I wanted more than anything for this to be the night that Edward finally said yes.

I knew I wouldn't be his first. There were just some things he couldn't hide from me. It was clear to me that he had experience in that area just from the fooling around that we had done. When I asked, he begrudgingly told me that his first very uninteresting encounter with sex had been with a girl from his foster home named Tanya. I didn't even know her, and I hated her.

"Bella," he whispered, causing me to look up into those deep green eyes.

My heart pounded in my chest as he whispered in my ear, "I want you to know that I'm in love with you. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

He reached his arm around my shoulder and placed his hand on my neck, pulling me into him." Happy Birthday, angel," he murmured, as he pressed his lips to mine.

In that moment, there on that couch, nothing else existed to me but Edward. I loved him so completely when he was like this with me. Our kiss deepened, and he gently forced open my mouth to allow his tongue access. Our breathing became more erratic, our hands started moving frantically, grasping at each other. I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted to touch every part of his beautiful body, and God, how I wanted him to touch every part of me!

He pushed me down so that he was now lying on top of me. I could feel how hard he was through his jeans, as he positioned himself between my legs. The gentle movement of his hips brought my body to life, giving me such sweet pressure, right where I needed it.

His hands moved in between us to unbutton my shirt. As he popped open each button, his soft, warm tongue moved further down my neck until he reached my right breast. He began to nibble and suck my nipple deep into his mouth. I arched my back giving him complete access, feeling my nipples harden at his touch.

He stopped briefly, before moving further down. He placed wet kisses down the contours of my stomach. I shivered when he nipped at the skin just above my waistband. He looked up at me, longing in his eyes, and then popped the button on my jeans. I reached down, and pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it carelessly to the floor. He smiled and continued to suck and nip my skin at my panty line. He worked his magical tongue on me, lapping at my navel, and used his teeth to pull my panties down enough to expose more skin. His mouth leaving a trail of fire on me from where his lips had been, had me practically begging him to give me the release I so desperately desired from him.

I lifted my hips, offering myself to him. I wanted him to take my pants off of me, and have his way with me. I had never wanted anything so much in my life. Suddenly he sat up, and moved back away from me. He raked his fingers through his hair, and with a strain in his voice, he said, "No, Bella. We have to stop. We can't do this, not here, not tonight."

I sat up and wrapped my shirt around my bare chest. I was astonished that he was stopping this from happening once again, especially tonight. I felt consumed with sadness, and more than that, rejection. Questions flooded my mind, as I desperately tried to collect myself, fighting back the tears that threatened to escape from me. Does he not want me the way I want him? Maybe he thinks I can't live up to that bitch, Tanya. Obviously, he had no trouble going all the way with her.

When he looked at me, I knew he saw the pain in my eyes, "Edward, why? Why not tonight? Why do you continually push me away like this?"

"Bella, we just can't. It's not the right time. You are not ready for this!" he said placing his head in his hands.

"How dare you, Edward!" I screamed. "How dare you presume to know what I am or am not ready for?" I was so angry at him. My eyes filled with tears, and at that moment I needed an explanation.

"Please explain to me, Edward, how you know what I'm not ready for."

"Bella, I've already told you that you need to be sure that your first time is with the right person, and I am not so sure that I am that person for you." he cried, raising his head up to look into my tear filled eyes.

"How can you say that, Edward? We have been together for a year now. You said you loved me, and you know I love you."

I looked at him, and at that moment, anger flashed in his eyes. _Here it comes again_, the mask firmly back in place.

"Bella, how can you honestly love me, when you know nothing about me?" He seethed, as he turned his head away from me.

"How can I possibly know anything about you, Edward, when you won't talk to me? Every time I think we are making progress, that you might for once open up to me, and share a piece of yourself with me, you just shut down. Are you ever going to let me in?" I questioned, practically screaming.

"What are you hiding from me, Edward? You can tell me anything. You know that."

"Bella, I don't want to have this conversation right now. Can we please just try and enjoy the rest of your birthday?," he begged. "Don't let this ruin the night for us."

"I have a gift for you. Would you like it now?" he asked, feigning a smile and trying to change the subject.

I only wanted one gift at this moment, but it was obvious he didn't want to give it to me.

"No! Edward, enough is enough!" I lashed out. "If you don't trust me enough to let me in, even just a little bit, well, then, I think it's time to for me to go home!"

"Bella, please," he pleaded.

"No! I'm done...I can't do this anymore tonight with you. Take me home now, please," I asserted.

All I could think about at that point was being away from him, and going somewhere to get high. I needed it. I needed the numbness. This constant battle of emotions raging inside me was really wearing me thin.

He did as I requested and drove me home. The car ride was silent for the most part until we pulled into my driveway.

"What are you going to tell Charlie?" he asked. "He thinks you've been with Alice."

"I'll think of something," I said coldly.

"Bella, please wait," he pleaded, as I reached for the door handle.

"What is it, Edward?" I snapped.

"Please, at least let me give you your gift," he begged. "Hold out your hand."

I did as he asked because I wanted out of the car as quickly as possible. I was overcome with feelings of embarrassment, resentment, sadness, and most of all…rejection. He placed a small black box in the palm of my hand.

"You can open it later if you want, and I really am sorry. I wanted this night to be perfect for you, and it seems as though I've screwed that up once again."

I took the box without another word, got out of the car, and slammed the door shut.

Without even a glance back towards the car, I went into the house and headed straight for the staircase. I wanted to be in my room…no, I needed to be there to smoke. I needed to forget this shit for a while.

As luck would have it, Charlie was once again passed out on the couch, and didn't even hear me come in. I shut the lights off downstairs and headed for my room.

Once there, I threw open my closet door and grabbed the shoebox hidden in the back of my closet.

I found the last of my stash in there, rolled a joint, opened my bedroom window, and lit up. I took a long drag, and closed my eyes, trying to drown out the thoughts coursing through my brain. It wasn't long before I started to feel the calming effects, but even with that, I couldn't shut out the questions lingering in my mind.

Why won't he let me in?

What was so terrible about his past that he can't share it with me?

After finishing off the joint and feeling somewhat relaxed, I finally worked up the strength to make my way towards the bathroom. I placed the small box on my dresser outside the bathroom door and took my pajamas out.

I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and dressed for bed. I wanted this night to be over with, and the sooner I got to sleep, the sooner that would happen. Once I was back in my room, however, I couldn't help myself. My eyes glanced over at Edward's gift, the black box laying on my dresser.

I quickly snatched it up and sat down on my bed, flipping open the lid of the box. I gasped, inside the box, was the most beautiful heart shaped locket I had ever seen. I opened it, and inside was a picture of a precious little red haired boy with big green eyes looking up at me.

I couldn't believe it. It was Edward as a little boy. It had to be. This was the first part of Edward's past he had ever shared with me. Underneath the locket was a tiny folded piece of paper.

I unfolded the note and began to read it:

B,

As I'm sure you can tell, I'm not very good with words. So here goes nothing, first Happy Birthday baby. I hope this night was everything you had hoped for and more.

_I stopped, reaching up to wipe the tears from my eyes...No this night had not turned out as I had hoped at all Edward, I thought as I looked down at the paper and continued to read._

This locket is the only thing I have left that belonged to my mother, my real mother. Her name was Elizabeth and as you know she is no longer in my life. She gave it to me as a small child and probably isn't even aware that I held on to it. Until I met you she was the only woman I have ever really loved in my life, despite the pain she has caused both Jasper and I. Now that I have you, I realize I have never really known what true love felt like until now. So I thought it only appropriate that you have this, as a reminder that I want more than anything to share things from my past with you, I'm just not capable of dredging up the memories I have locked inside yet, but please know that when I am ready, you are the only person in the world, I would ever share them with.

My heart is, and always will be yours,

E

I sat there, tears streaming from my eyes, feeling overcome with guilt for the way I had treated Edward tonight. He had worked so hard to make this night just right for me, and I had thrown it in his face, as if it meant nothing to me.

Could he ever forgive me?

Although it frustrated me, I knew from that moment on that I would be patient with him. I knew that whatever pain he had suffered through in his past would surface at some point, in one way or another, and no matter how long it took, I would wait. There was no other choice for me. I loved this beautiful boy, and I would endure anything for him.

**~Flash Forward~**

"Bella! Are you okay?" I heard Jacob ask, sounding frantic, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Please, Jacob, I don't want a party. Turning thirty isn't something to celebrate."

I really had been dreading this birthday, unlike I had any other. I wasn't one that liked to be the center of attention, ever, but this birthday in particular was painful.

Half my life had passed me by, and what did I have to show for it? Yeah, I had a great job that I was really good at, and a husband who tried in his own way to love me. But I certainly couldn't say I was happy. No, I hadn't been happy in a long...long time.

When I was younger I had dreamed of having so much more by now, I had dreamed of having Edward. I really thought that my life would have been different, but as I blink and look my husband in the face, I realize just how wrong I had been back then.

I broke my promise - a promise that I made to myself all those years ago.

I promised to be patient with Edward, I knew he had a troubled past. I knew that whatever haunted him was at times too much for him to bear.

I said then that I would be everything for him that he needed me to be. I promised to endure anything that came our way, because I knew that when he was ready, Edward would be there for me, just as I was for him.

God, I was so wrong. I didn't know then what _anything_ would entail, and when I found out, I realized that maybe Edward never really would give me his whole heart. That maybe he was just to damaged to ever even try.

I could forgive a lot of things, but I just couldn't forgive him for everything, especially not that.

"Bella!" Jacob snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Earth to Bella." he said sarcastically.

I came out of my daze and apologized.

"I really wish you would tell me what's been going on with you lately,"

"Sometimes, it appears as though you are in an entirely different world."

What he didn't understand is, I _was _in another world. A world where I was happy, I had the life of my dreams, and I had that beautiful disaster of a boy by my side.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I'm just tired. We'll talk more tonight. You're already late. You need to get going." I needed to get out of the car before the tears that threatened to fall gave me away.

"Alright," he finally agreed after a long pause. "I'll be here at six to pick you up, and don't forget, we have to pick up your car from the shop after work."

"Okay," I said. "I'll see you at six." hastily exiting the car.

I waved goodbye, and walked towards the building. Once inside, I waved to the receptionist, Stacy, I think her name is. It's pretty sad that I can't remember that, considering she has been here almost as long as I have.

I stepped into the elevator, and asked the gentleman standing there to push the button to the tenth floor for me, as I tried to regain my composure before heading into my office.

I arrived exactly ten minutes late, but no one even noticed. When I got to my desk I saw a yellow post-it note stuck to my computer screen stating that I had a phone message from yesterday after I left.

The call came from an area code I recognized well...Forks, but the number itself was not familiar to me. The post it had Urgent written across it in bold black letters along with the number, and call ASAP! I instantly became concerned that something had happened to my father, but wondered why no one had contacted me at home. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. A voicemail picked up almost immediately, and as soon as I heard the voice on the other end, I realized this wasn't about my father at all, shockingly it was Alice's voice.

I sat there listening to her voice, stunned. _How had she found me? _I hadn't spoken to her since I left Forks. I knew that my dad had run into her a few times after I had left, but she was angry with me. According to Charlie, she never even attempted to ask him where I had decided to go to college.

I immediately hung up without leaving a message, grabbed the phone again and called Charlie. He picked up on the first ring.

"Bella is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, why would you think that dad?"

"Well, you haven't called much lately, and you never return my messages... So I just assumed that something had happened for you to be calling."

"No, Dad. Nothing is wrong, and I'm sorry I haven't called lately. Things have just been kind of crazy, you know? Anyways, I'm calling because I want to know if you've spoken to Alice lately?"

"Well, yeah, as a matter of fact, she called me a couple of days ago at the station, asking how she could reach you. I tried to call you to let you know, but like I said you never return my messages. She said it was really important that she speak to you right away. So I gave her your work phone number just in case you didn't want her calling you at the house."

"Did she happen to mention what was so important?"

"No," he said. "Just that it was very important that she reach you as soon as possible."

"Alright, Dad. Well, I'm at work now, so I'll have to call you back later."

"Bells, is everything okay?" he asked again.

"Yeah. Like I said, things have just been crazy lately, but I'm okay."

"Alright. Well, I'll talk to you soon then, kiddo."

"Dad, I am about to turn thirty. Do you think you'll ever stop calling me _kiddo_?"

"No, Bells," he chuckled. "You'll always be my kiddo, no matter how old you get. Speaking of which, with your birthday coming up and all, are you and Jacob planning anything special?" Ugh, I cringed. There it was again, why do we even have birthdays?

I didn't want him to ask if he could come for a visit. I loved Charlie, and he was a different person now that he had cleaned himself up. Things however were still strained between us, which wasn't his fault at all. He had tried like hell to make up for things, but me acting in true Bella fashion, well, let's just say I had a hard time letting the past go. I just wasn't up for a visit from my dad right now. I didn't need the added stress.

"No, Dad," I replied, "nothing special at all. I really don't want to make a big deal over my birthday, or turning thirty."

"Bells, there's nothing wrong with turning thirty. In fact you should feel proud at what you have been able to accomplish at such a young age," he encouraged.

_What I've accomplished_, I thought to myself, almost laughing out loud. This conversation was definitely over. My father obviously had no clue what he was talking about.

"Alright, well, I really have to get off of here now. I'll call you soon. Okay?" and with that I said goodbye and hung up the phone.

I sat back in my chair and wondered what Alice could possibly want after all this time? What was so important that she could put aside her anger towards me for leaving Forks without even saying goodbye to her.

_"Only one way to find out," I said to myself, as _I picked up the phone, and dialed her number once again. This time she picked up right away.

"Bella," she exclaimed. "Thank God, I finally found you."

I paused for a second, trying to determine how to reply.

After a brief pause, I was able to speak, "What is it Alice?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

"Bella, we have to talk, but not over the phone. Can I come for a visit?" she asked. "What I have to say needs to be said in person."

It amazed me how naturally she appeared to pick up where we left off all those years ago, I had no choice but to follow suit because I really did want to see her.

"Of course, Alice. When did you want to come?"

"As soon as possible. This can't wait," she reiterated.

"Just tell me where I'm going, Bella, because although your father gave me your work number, he wouldn't tell me where you are. I was able to determine from your area code that you are somewhere in California, but where?"

"Alice, I'm in San Diego."

"California," She sighed, "Wow, Bella, I never pictured you as a Cali girl." she said chuckling.

"Well, it's been a long time, Alice. There's a lot about me that you wouldn't recognize now."

A heavy silence hung between us. I know I probably hurt her even more by throwing our time and distance in her face, but I needed her to understand that I wasn't the same Bella she knew as a kid.

I finally broke the silence by asking, "Umm, when were you planning to come?"

"I'll be on the first flight out in the morning," she answered, "If that's alright with you."

I sighed, feeling a pit develop in my stomach. "Yeah, that's fine."

"Good, I'll call you when I arrive in the morning."

"Alice, can you at least tell me what the subject of this conversation is going to be?"

"Honestly, it really is better to discuss everything in person, but..." she paused for a brief second. "I will tell you this, it concerns Edward."

Edward! My heart constricted in my chest, at the mention of his name. She still talked to him? She knew about his life, about things I have longed to know for so long. Overwhelmed at the thought, it suddenly dawned on me that something may have happened to him.

"Is he okay?" I asked, rapidly feeling panic overtake me.

"He's fine, Bella. Don't worry." she said calmly.

"Really, what is it? What's wrong?" The suspense was killing me. I wanted to know about him so bad I could taste it.

"This is between me, you, and Edward," she explained, "and what I have to tell you is going to be hard for you to hear."

I felt a flash of anger with her incessant need to be cryptic about her coming to see me.

_Just come out and say it. Don't leave me hanging_. "Then why bother, Alice? I mean it's been twelve years since you last spoke to me. So, what is the point of all of this?" I demanded.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. "I know it's been too long, but things are happening now that I really need you to be aware of."

Alice sighed. "I'll call you as soon as I land, and don't worry, I'll catch a cab from the airport. I'll need your address?"

"1356 Monroe Street," I practically growled out, still angry.

"Okay, then I'll see you in the morning. Goodbye, Bella." I could hear sadness in her voice as she bid me farewell.

"Goodbye Alice," I replied quickly, as I hung up the phone.

My whole body began to tremble. Alice, my former best friend, which I hadn't spoken to in nearly twelve years, would be here _tomorrow_. On top of that, she had news for me about Edward. Edward, who had been a prominent thought on my mind lately, she had information on. Information that was so important, apparently, that she couldn't discuss it over the phone.

_Now I am really tense._

How would I explain this to Jacob? Not only had I never mentioned Edward, but I had never told him about Alice either. Alice was another part of my past that I tried desperately to forget, but somehow I could never let go of. Now she was coming here, and I would have to tell Jacob something about her.

In a way, I had become Jacob's Edward. I refused to tell him very much about my past. I've kept him in the dark because I didn't want to physically face the pain those memories brought me.

Now those memories were knocking on my front door, thanks to Alice and her impending visit.

How was I going to explain any of this to him?


	3. Chapter 3 Endure

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.

**A/N Thank you again to my great friend, and Beta (Jeanne) SparklingWand! And to (Jackie)TwiMoments, (Eve) Mamaeve and (Melissa) Melarimo for pre-reading for me. I luv u all dearly!**

**To the readers, sorry for the delay in updating this chapter, Real Life has a funny way of getting in the way sometimes. Thanks again for reading and sticking with me on this journey!**

**Please, Please leave me some love or hate whichever, just review. I can't learn and grow as a writer without your feedback! Much luv to u all!**

**~x~**

**~Endure~**

_If I can Endure for this moment,_

_whatever is happening to me._

_No matter how heavy my heart,_

_or how dark the moment may be._

_If I can but keep on believing,_

_What I know in my heart to be true._

_Then darkness will fade into morning,_

_and with this dawn, a new day too._

_By: Bobi_

_**~x~**_

**Chapter Three**

**(Endure)**

**~Alice~**

I hung up with Bella, closed my phone, and threw it on the seat of my car. I reached up and rubbed my eyes as a few angry tears fell from my face. Hearing Bella's voice again after all these years was almost more than I could handle. I wanted answers to questions that I'd had since she left Forks without even a goodbye, but what right did I have to question her actions now? I leaned my head back on the seat rest and closed my eyes as I sat there in the parking lot of my doctor's office.

I had been planning this trip to see her since I was diagnosed three months ago. Now that it was actually time to face her, to tell her the truth about Edward and I and put my plan into motion, I really wasn't sure I was strong enough to go through with it.

Therein lies the problem though, I really had no choice now. I didn't have much time to set right all the wrong courses our lives had been on since high school. For each and every one of us in our high school clique, I guess that's what you would call it, our lives had been altered by unseen forces. It was up to me to finally redirect them back to the destinies they were bound for. Everyone, except me, that is. I wouldn't get that chance. It seemed God had different plans for me in the end.

I knew the moment that Edward and I said "I do", that we had made a huge mistake. Yes, we loved each other. How could we not? We had been best friends since the day Bella left Forks for good. We were pushed together in a sense, at least that's how I see it. When Bella left, neither Edward nor I had anyone to turn to but each other to deal with the pain of her loss from our lives.

We leaned on each other, comforted each other when times got unbearable, but that true spark was never there between us. Not the way it was between Bella and Edward anyway. What they had was something so special, that once in a lifetime kind of love. But Edward, he had issues that even I wasn't aware of at the time. He and Jasper had been through so much as young boys. It was no wonder that they both had serious difficulties when it came to emotional relationships.

Edward withdrew, using drugs more often than not, to numb his pain. Jasper however, was different. He didn't need drugs to drown out the pain, he used sports. He loved all sports, but baseball was his thing. He loved it, and damn, he was good at it. Good enough to earn himself a full scholarship through college for it.

To say that I was crazy about Jasper in high school was an understatement. I followed his every move. I never missed one of his games. I used them and anything else that I could as an excuse just to be around him. The four of us even tried the double dating thing a few times, but Jasper never appeared to feel anything for me other than friendship. I gave up on him after a while, because he just never seemed emotionally vested in anything besides baseball. But that spark I always felt when he was near never really went away. I would often fool myself into believing he felt the same way, just from a look or brush of the hand. In reality though, I'm not sure Jasper was capable of feeling any emotions for anyone besides his little brother.

He was then, and still is now, the most gorgeous, blond haired, blue eyed guy I have ever seen in my entire life. He and Edward couldn't have looked more different. Apparently, Edward took after their mother, Elizabeth, who also had reddish brown hair and those deep green eyes just like him. Jasper, I'm told, however, took after his father, Edward Sr., which sometimes made things even more difficult for Edward. Looking into his brother's face and seeing his father's must have been hard on him, considering what he had been through.

Jasper probably could have had any girl he wanted at Forks High, but instead he chose to keep to himself most of the time. The only person I really ever saw him confide in was Edward. They were always close, even closer than most brothers I knew. I guess that also stemmed from them having to lean on each other for most of their young lives. Not that they didn't argue, Lord knows they do, but it's different with them. There is a bond between them that goes beyond brotherhood, beyond friendship. I wish I knew how to explain it, but theirs is a bond that no man could shatter, or woman for that matter.

After a long while of trying to guess what had happened to these beautiful boys, I gathered up the courage to question them both about what had happened but neither of them were forthcoming on the subject, so in the end I decided it was best to go straight to the source.

I knew that if anyone could give me answers it was their adoptive father, Carlisle.

I was right, of course, and the story that he told me caused a depth of pain in my heart for the both of them, especially Edward. Poor Edward, no little boy should ever have to make a choice like that.

After I got the full story from Carlisle, I never looked at either one of them the same again. If any child, or adult for that matter, had to endure the tragedy that had fallen on these two boys, they would be just as fucked up, if not more so than Jasper and Edward.

I, at least, could understand Edward better after that conversation with Carlisle. I found it easier to accept the constant battle with his drug addiction, and be there for him in a way that I'm pretty sure not even Bella was capable of before she left. I knew that Edward had never had the courage to share with her what he had gone through with his real parents. If he had, things might be different now.

Still sitting in my car, I reached up and wiped the tears from my cheeks, reminiscing about all of the crazy moments in our fucked up past, and I had a moment of clarity. It really wasn't so hard to decipher how things had gone so far off course, but now the difficult part was trying to figure out how to correct the errors that caused all this mess. I could no longer rely on fate to fix things, no, time had run out for that. I needed to know that Edward would have his happy ending before my time here came to an end, and Bella was my only way to ensure that would happen.

I grabbed the keys, started the car, and headed home. I would have to think of an excuse to give Edward for my sudden departure to San Diego to see Bella. I couldn't tell him where I was going, that was the point of all of this. When you are intervening with fate, you have to make it look natural.

I arrived home from the doctor's office to find Edward sitting in his makeshift library of sorts, staring at the countless books on the shelves, but not touching one of them. It was then that I almost lost my nerve, but it appeared fate was not completely lost. It would definitely be giving me a helping hand in my quest today.

As soon as Edward realized I was standing there in the doorway, he quickly stood, walked toward me and pulled me into a warm embrace. With a sad smile he pulled away, and explained that he would have to go out of town for a few days for a medical conference.

"When do you have to leave?" I questioned him, relieved that I wouldn't have to lie to his face about what I was up to.

"Tonight," he grumbled. "My flight leaves at seven."

He apologized for it being such short notice, quickly kissed me on the forehead, and retreated into the bedroom to pack his things. This is what he was deduced to, my poor Edward, my poor best friend. Running away and hiding. I knew he felt trapped now, I could not blame him. He felt that he had to be near me at all times in case something terrible happened. He inverted more and more with every passing day. I am pretty sure being near me was the last thing he wanted. Not that he didn't love me, I was his best friend after all, but Edward only saw me now as another love lost, even though I wasn't gone yet.

He had suffered so much loss in the past, that since my diagnosis of this wretched cancer, and the fact that the cancer was too far advanced for the treatment to make a difference, he completely isolated himself again. After all the hard work we had put into him getting past this self-hatred and inner loathing, he once again blamed himself for forces that were out of his control.

I felt so guilty for this part alone, which is what gave me the courage to try and give him back some of his happiness. I knew that this time Bella would have to take her rightful place in his life and be the one to save him from himself. I simply didn't have the strength for that anymore, and even if I did, I knew it had to be her.

So with that, I dropped Edward off at the airport, and we said our goodbyes. Along with his constant reassurances that he was only a phone call away, I quickly made my own flight arrangements to leave for San Diego at five the next morning. This would get me there at a decent time to see Bella for the day.

I had no plans on staying longer than the day, so I made sure my flight home was set for tomorrow evening, as well. This way Edward would never suspect a thing. Now after having showered, laid out my clothes, and taken the endless amounts of medication scheduled at bedtime, I lay here in bed alone, contemplating what my conversation with Bella would be like. Will she hate me for marrying Edward? I could certainly tell from our short conversation on the phone that she definitely still had feelings for Edward. It's quite possible that I may get only as far as telling her that we are together before she abruptly throws me out on my ass.

It's a chance I have to take though, for her and for Edward. I haven't been the greatest friend to Bella in the past. I didn't even try to locate her after she left Forks. I was angry and hurt that she left without even saying goodbye to me, I didn't know then what Edward had done to her so it was impossible for me to understand.

It broke my heart since she was the only real friend I had growing up. Although we were two very different people, I honestly believed that we would be friends forever. Again, it's funny how life throws all these curves at you. One minute you're standing next to your best friend, with your whole life in front of you, and the next she's gone and nothing but a memory lingers.

It wasn't until much later that Edward gained the strength to even say her name, let alone confess to me what he had done to her, and by then too much time had passed. I asked Charlie about her from time to time in passing but never had the courage to track her down. She had made her choices and I tried to respect them.

How was I ever going to make her see that she belonged back in Edward's life? Especially since I knew she was married and had been for quite some time. The only answer I kept coming up with was to somehow get Bella back to Forks, even for just a visit. If she and Edward could just see each other again, I knew that's all it would take for sparks to fly between them.

I had another surgery coming up next week. Maybe I would just have to pull my trump card. I know it's sneaky and underhanded, but after all, she couldn't turn down a dying woman's wish to have her best friend by her side for such a scary operation, right?

Why on earth I was going through with yet another operation was beyond me. Edward had talked me into it once again. This was his way of trying to fight against the powers that 'might' be. It was the doctor in him telling him to fight, to use whatever we had left in our arsenal to get me better.

As for me, I didn't believe much in medical miracles. The only miracles I hoped existed were the emotional and spiritual ones. I had come to realize that this was it for me, but I would never say that to Edward. If he knew that I had already grown so tired of fighting, I think it would kill him, too. So that is the only reason I agreed to do this one last experimental surgery. I had to do it for him.

It doesn't help when you're sick like this that your husband is a doctor. In fact, it makes things worse because as a doctor, Edward does not want to accept anyone else's opinion regarding the outcome of this disease. He will continue to deny, until the very end, that the cancer is going to kill me. I'm sure of that.

The phone rang, pulling me from my stupor, and I reached over to the bedside table to answer it, sure it was Edward telling me he had arrived safely.

"Hello."

"Alice?" the voice on the other end said.

"Yes, Jasper?" I responded smiling. I hadn't expected to hear his voice tonight and after the day I'd had it was a pleasant surprise.

"How are you feeling today?" he strained to ask.

"Okay, just tired really."

"Oh," was all he said, and then nothing but silence.

Finally, as I realized he wasn't going to say anything else, I broke the silence, "If you're looking for Edward, he's away in Seattle, but you can reach him on his cell."

"I know," he finally replied.

It was my turn now, "Oh," was all I could say.

"Sorry," he conceded. "I'm at the hospital, on duty. Edward asked me to check in on you while he was gone. I had planned to stop by after my shift this evening, but it's been a busy night here, and it looks like I might be here for a while."

I could hear the agony in his voice. I hated to admit it, but I longed for quiet time alone with Jasper. He always had a way of making me feel special, and he somehow made me forget about being sick. With Edward, my cancer was a huge elephant in the room, with Jasper the elephant became a mouse.

"It's okay, Jasper. Everything is fine. I was just heading to bed myself. It's been a long day here, too."

"How did your doctor's appointment go today?" he asked.

"Same old, same old," I replied sadly. "More poking and prodding, nothing new to tell."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Thank you, but I'll be alright. I just need some rest." I assured him.

"Well, I'll come by in the morning then." he trailed off. "We'll go to breakfast, is that alright?"

"Oh…uh...uhh...ummmm..." I stuttered.

I hadn't planned on this, and as much as I wanted to go to breakfast with him right now, there were more important things to worry about.

"Sorry, Jasper, but I'm leaving first thing in the morning. My girlfriend Sarah has planned a day at the spa for us. You know, just a little girl time to get my mind off things. So I'll be gone until late tomorrow night."

_Wow, where did that come from? _I thought to myself. I don't even know anyone named Sarah. I really hope he doesn't mention this to Edward.

"Oh...that sounds nice," he whispered. "Okay then...I'll stop by after my shift tomorrow night, maybe bring you a late supper."

"That's not necessary, really. I'll be fine. Please don't go to any trouble for me." I pleaded.

"Alice, it's no trouble at all. I'll see you tomorrow night, probably around ten, okay?" he asked.

"Fine," I relented. "See you then. Good night, Jasper."

"Good night, Alice." he said with a sigh. I could hear him breathing for a moment, and then he hung up the phone.

It's a good thing I opted for the earlier flight back home tomorrow, I thought to myself as I placed my phone back on the bedside table, and once again settled into bed for the night. I had to try and get some sleep, or I would never get up in time for my flight in the morning. I had already arranged for a cab to pick me up and take me to the airport early.

But as I laid there tossing and turning, still worrying about what tomorrow's outcome with Bella would be, I realized that sleep would not come easily for me tonight even though I was drained from the day.

After about an hour of constant thoughts of Bella, Edward, and yes, I won't lie, Jasper, racing through my head, I was able to finally doze off, only to be awakened in what felt like minutes later to the sound of the doorbell. I looked over at the alarm clock, which I had apparently slept right through, and saw that I had just a few minutes to make it to the airport to catch my flight. The doorbell became more frantic, and I screamed from the bedroom that I would be there in just a few minutes.

I jumped up, threw on the outfit I had picked out the night before, grabbed my bag with my meds, and ran for the front door. I flung it open only to see the cabbie standing there with an angry expression on his face.

"Sorry," I said. "I overslept."

"You'll have to pay me for my time here," he growled.

"No problem," I said as I headed for the car.

He opened the door for me so that I could climb in, and I looked at him and said, "If you can make sure I get to the airport in time for my flight in thirty minutes, I'll pay you double."

With that he slammed the car door shut, ran around to the driver's side and hopped in. Without a single word he drove like a maniac, scaring the shit out of me I might add, but still getting me there ten minutes early. I paid him the double fare I promised him and exited the cab.

As I stepped up onto the curb and walked through the doors of the airport, I suddenly felt a knot in the pit of my stomach. What if I go through all of this only to find out that Bella really has moved on and wants nothing to do with Edward or me? _I have to try_, I thought resolutely. I just have to, because this _will_ be my last chance. No matter what the outcome is after today, at least I'll know I did my absolute best to make things right with Bella and Edward… before God decides it's time for me to come home.


	4. Chapter 4 Goodbye

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

A/N Thanks again to my beautiful Beta (Jeanne)SparklingWand, I luv u doesn't quite cover how grateful I am to u for you friendship! (Jackie)TwiMoments and (Melissa) melarimo you guys are my heart and I will always be forever indebted to u!

To the readers... I promised you some answers to your questions in this chapter. I hope that I covered some things you had questions on. Thank you all for sticking by me through this, and as always PLEASE leave me some love or hate whichever as long as you leave some feedback xoxoxoxox

EPOV Coming up next chapter :))

~x~

**'Goodbye' **

I didn't want to say goodbye,

I turned so you wouldn't see me cry,

I don't want our friendship to die,

When you said you were leaving, I thought it was a lie.

I waved goodbye, though my heart was with pain,

What if I never see you again?

My tears were falling like mid-summer rain

The fact that you left is such a shame.

The way you spoke was like you had no care,

When I had a problem, you were the one who was there,

You said goodbye, it just isn't fair,

Watching you leave was a nightmare.

I walked away; you didn't know it was true,

You are the best and I'm going to miss you.

Right now the sky is grey but soon it will be blue,

One day, somehow, you'll know the truth.

My poem is a scar; it made my tears flow,

I just thought you needed to know.

I didn't want you to leave; I wish you didn't go,

I have no more to say, I won't let my pain show.

**By: **_**Black Rose Poetry**_-

~x~

**Chapter Four (Goodbye)**

**~Bella~**

Standing here in the shower washing away the stress of the day, I try to come to terms with the fact that in a few short hours I will be confronted with a past that I have worked so hard to let go of. Through all of this, my mind can't help but once again wander back to Edward.

Alice said that we needed to talk, and that it was about Edward. With her words I instantly became concerned that something had happened to him. I know she sensed my concern right away, I didn't even try to hide it from her. How could I, when he still means everything to me.

Her reassurance that he was fine did little to ease my mind, however. If he is fine, what could possibly be so important that she needs to fly here and talk to me about it in person? The fact that I am going to have to explain Alice and her visit to Jacob isn't making things any easier either.

Not that I really give a shit if he knows about her, but telling him about her will inevitably lead to further questions. Questions I am not quite sure I am ready to answer. A piece of my past is coming into my future and I know Jacob will expect an explanation as to why I have never shared any of this with him and what am I supposed to tell him.

I couldn't give him any answers, because I know the minute I try, the pain of my past and those last days in Forks would show clearly on my face. _"So what am I going to do?" _

The only answer that comes to mind is, _"Lie my ass off... What other choice do I have"_

After all, I have learned from the best when it comes to putting a wall up around the truth. Edward taught me well. But even knowing that, I still miss him and would be lying if I said I didn't hold on to some hope that Alice is going to tell me he has never been able to move on. I desperately long to hear from her that he still thinks of me as I do of him.

Leaning against the shower wall, allowing the hot flow of water to run down my tired body, I am taken back to another time when one touch from Edward sent my body spiraling out of control. No one else has ever had the ability to bring out that kind of passion in me. Especially not Jacob, he tried in the beginning, but was never successful.

Don't get me wrong, Jacob was a good in bed**,** and I am a woman with needs just like any other, but sex with him has never been what I imagined it would have been like with Edward.

There is no emotion involved, not anymore, not just for me but for him as well.

It hasn't always been this way, but like everything else in our relationship, Jacob has learned that I'll never be able to give him any more than I already have. So he quit trying to please me in that area a long time ago. He looks out for himself, and his pleasure comes first, which is fine by me. Fast and hard with no emotions. I can't bear it to be any other way.

Edward on the other hand, I like to imagine would have always made it about my pleasure, and I would have gladly done the same for him over and over again. Unfortunately, that wasn't in the cards for us.

I wanted nothing more than to share that part of myself with Edward, but he constantly pushed me away when it came to sex. I probably could have accepted his noble refusals, had the reasons he was refusing me not been full of lies.

"Bella, I'm not good enough to be your first." Or "Bella, you're just not ready." are just a few of the lies he used to throw at me when ever the discussion of sex came up. All those lies came to surface however, when I found him that night with his dick in Jessica Stanley. In that moment as my world was crashing down around me everything became clear, It was never that he wasn't good enough for me. _No_, it had always been that I wasn't good enough for him.

I clutch my stomach, suddenly feeling sick with the memory of it all. I want to hate him for everything he has put me through then and now, but I just can't bring myself to do it. "_Why...Why can't I just move on and try to be happy with what I have... instead of constantly putting myself through this pain and misery?_

Of course I knew the answer to that question, I'm not an idiot. Jacob has never been the person I was intended for so how could I ever be happy with him? I often wonder if maybe Edward was slightly right back then. What would my life be like had I held off and not jumped into bed with the first guy who showed me any real interest? Maybe if I had just waited, someone else would have come along and shown me again what love was supposed to really feel like.

Sighing heavily, I bend over and turn the water off. It is running cold now, no longer serving its purpose. I dry off and step out of the shower. Looking in the bathroom mirror, I can't help but feel more terrified than ever of seeing Alice tomorrow. I have changed so much in the last twelve years. _Would she even recognize me? _Let's face it, I am no longer that youthful girl with the whole world in front of her that Alice once knew.

Leaning against the bathroom sink, counting the wrinkles on my face in the mirror, I unexpectedly feel Jacob approach me from behind. He is dressed only in his boxer briefs and he slowly reaches up to pull my towel from around my body causing it to fall to the floor.

He leans in towards me pushing his mouth to my ear and his hard cock against my ass. As much as the thought of sex tonight with him repulses me, I can't push him away. Like I said before, I am still a woman with needs and that relief has to come from somewhere.

Snaking his hands around the front of me and down between my legs, he uses his long fingers to force my legs apart as he roughly pushes not one, but two fingers inside of me.

"So wet for me, baby." he growls nearly causing me to throw up in my mouth.

He skims his tongue down my neck, sending a cold chill down my spine. I fight with my natural reaction to push him off of me, but my body has suffered the past twenty four hours with erotic images of Edward taking me this way. I need the relief, and Jacob seems to be willing to give it to me.

His tongue continues to lap its way down the center of my back, as he thrusts his fingers hard inside me. He brings one hand up to my pebbled nipple and pinches it hard. I cry out, not in pleasure, but with the momentary pain of his ministrations.

His thick tongue continues its journey down my spine and just when I think for once he might actually drop to his knees and think of pleasuring the sweet spot between my legs, he pulls back and pushes me face down on the cold hard marble countertop.

In normal Jacob fashion, he is going to take me doggy-style. It is by far his favorite position, and I can't lie, it is mine as well. This way I don't have to look him in the eyes and he will not have to see the disgust written all over my face.

He reaches down in between us and grabs his hard dick, positioning it at my entrance. Rubbing the head of his cock along my slit, gathering my wetness.

"So ready for me baby," he groans, leaning over me, drooling in my ear.

In one hard push he is completely sheathed in me, and begins thrusting in and out frantically, banging me up against the counter until it hurts and I want to scream.

"Fuck, baby, you are so tight," he moans thrusting harder.

I begin to feel that tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach**, **and I know that I am close. Thank God, I want this shit over with as fast as possible.

"Fuck... I'm almost there, come with me."

Wrapping his hand around my waist, he shoves it down to find my wet center and pushes hard against my clit, causing me to cry out at the feel of his fingers, forcibly massaging me there, in an attempt to get my body to react the way he wants. I can't help but comply as my body explodes around him.

Feeling my walls tighten around him with my orgasm, he too plunges over the edge and thrusts one last time deep inside of me as my pussy milks him of every last drop.

We both stand here, unable to move, catching our breath. He moans in pleasure, and I too moan, but not in pleasure. No, all I feel is pain and heartache, as I reach up to wipe away a lone tear escaping down my cheek.

_This is not what love is supposed to be like. _

He pulled out of me and smacked me on the ass climbing into the shower, with a shit-eating grin on his face. He got what he came for, but in the end I am left feeling no better than when he started. I may have come, but there was no pleasure in it, no relief. I was left with only heartache and the immense feeling of being dirty and used.

Reaching down I grab my towel from the floor, wrap it around me as tight as possible, and make a hasty exit out of the bathroom. Once in the bedroom I plop down on the bed and bury my face in the nearest pillow. I can't stop the tears from free flowing now.

_"This just feels so wrong...God, how have things gotten so off course in my life?" _Suddenly**,**. I feel a surge of anger towards Edward for causing me so much pain.

_"This is all your fault... what have you done to me? "_

I lay there crying for I don't know how long, cringing at every thought of Edward**, **and all that he has put me through. I am so angry at myself for allowing him to have this effect on me even after all this time.

When I hear the water shut off from the bathroom, I quickly jump up, grab a t-shirt and my p j bottoms, throw them on, and wipe the tears from my eyes.

I start to panic. It is now or never. I have to give him some explanation of Alice and her visit tomorrow. The bathroom door opens and he strolls into the bedroom with the same shit-eating grin still planted on his face. At least he appears to be in a good mood. Maybe this won't be as difficult as I think . Who am I kidding? Nothing is ever easy with Jacob.

He climbs into the bed where I already lay, and leans over me to turn the light off. I reach up, grabbing his hand.

"What?" he asks annoyed.

"Jake, we need to talk."

"Can't it wait till tomorrow**,** Bella? he grumbles. "I'm tired, and I have to be at work early tomorrow. Ya know...to make up for being late today. It wouldn't hurt if you were actually on time for once either."

"I'm not going in tomorrow, Jacob, I've already told them I won't be there."

"What**? **Why?" and there's my queue. I roll over so that I can face him.

"Jacob, I have this friend from Forks, Alice is her name. Actually, she's not just a friend, but my best friend. Anyway, she's coming for a visit tomorrow**."**

"Best friend? You've never even mentioned anyone named Alice." He sits up looking at me bewildered.

"I know, it's never been worth mentioning before. We had a sort of falling out before I left Forks, and I haven't spoken to her since."

"So let me get this straight. You have this best friend whom you haven't spoken with in twelve years, and she's suddenly coming for a visit?"

I silently nod, indicating that he has all the key points correct. His eyes narrow, boring into me as if he were trying to extract something directly from my mind.

"Why?" he questions again. I knew this wouldn't be simple.

"I'm not really sure, Jake. She called me today and said she had some things going on in her life that she really needs my help with."

"Okay," he scrutinizes, "but what caused the fallout in the first place? I mean if you two were so close, then how could the two of you just lose touch like that?"

And there it is. The question that I dread the most. Just like that I start to panic and scramble for an answer... any answer that won't give away the truth and send Jake into a game of twenty questions.

"Shit happens, Jake. We were friends growing up, and after high school we just wanted different things. So I left, never really saying goodbye or telling her where I was going. That made her angry, hence the lack of communication over the years."

Holding my breath, I hope that answer will appease him.

He pauses for a long moment, looking at me as if debating on his next move. Suddenly he rolls over towards me**, **once again raising his hand over me to turn the light off. Finally I can breath again as he turns over and faces away from me.

"Okay, Bella, it just seems kind of strange to me that you're the one she contacted after all this time**, **to help her with these so called problems she is having,"

"Look, Jake," I growl, slightly annoyed at his attitude towards the situation, but not really wanting to provoke him any further, "maybe she just doesn't have anyone else to turn to."

"Whatever you say, Bells, can I go to sleep now?" he asks closing his eyes.

I roll away from him facing the wall. "Yeah fine...Good night, Jacob."

"Night," he mutters, as though he really didn't give a shit anyway.

~x~

Sleep is the last thing on my mind as I lay here, tossing and turning frantically. I long for morning to come, to finally have the answers to all these questions that have been haunting me for so long.

Before I know it**, **the alarm clock is blaring in my ear, and Jacob is rolling out of bed. Not wanting to have any more conversations about Alice, I pretend to be asleep while he rustles around in the dresser drawer for his clothes.

Entering the bathroom, he closes the door. I hear the water turn on in the shower and roll over staring up at the ceiling. I wonder what time Alice's flight will arrive, and with each passing moment, become more and more anxious to see her.

Jake finishes getting ready for work and leaves the house soon after, without even so much as a goodbye.

_Nothing new, I think to myself._

I don't know why I worried so much over telling him about Alice. It wasn't as if he really even gave a shit about what was going on with me. He only ever really cares about my existence when it directly affects him and his plans.

It hasn't always been this way between us. In fact, in the beginning, I couldn't have asked for a more attentive husband. Maybe a lot of it is my fault...okay most of it. I have pushed him away emotionally so many times in our marriage that over time he has had no choice but to give up trying. Much like I had to do with Edward. Funny, how the roles in life reverse like that.

I look over at the clock on the bedside table and noticed it is almost seven. Deciding to shower and get dressed for the day, I roll out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. for all I know she could show up any second now.

Once in the bathroom, a sick feeling comes over me remembering the events that took place in here just last night. I shower quickly, wanting to be out of here.

After sliding on a t-shirt and pair of shorts, I walk into the kitchen to make my morning coffee. As I am pouring the water into the coffee pot, the doorbell rings, causing me to jump and my heart suddenly plummets to the pit of my stomach_._

_This is it, _with every step I take towards the door, my heart starts to beat faster and faster. Taking a deep breath, I reach for the door handle and pause for a second trying to regain my composure. I take one last deep breath as I fling the door open.

What I see standing before me nearly causes me to collapse. My friend, my Alice, is standing there looking so frail. She is so pale and thin, her skin is taut against her body, signs of obvious weight loss. I notice immediately that she has recently lost her hair, and it is just starting to grow back.

As I stand there staring at her head in shock, she speaks up.

"Bella, it's just hair. It was hard for me at first, too, but I think it's coming back nicely, don't you?" she smiles a sweet smile trying to cover her annoyance with me.

I look away quickly, trying to hide the tears that are now threatening to fall. It is so clear now why she is here. She is sick, very sick.

"Are you going to invite me in?"

"Of course, Alice, I'm so sorry," I whisper, stepping to the side and gesturing her in the door. Closing the door behind her, I escort her to the kitchen, telling her to have a seat at the table. Before she can turn, I suddenly feel the urge to hold her in my arms. I grab her, throw my arms around her**, **and squeeze her as tightly as I can without hurting her. She really is so small.

"I've missed you so much. Ali, I'm really glad you're here," I cry pulling her closer to me.

"I've missed you too, Bells. I don't think I even realized how much until seeing you."

Sobbing, I let her go, so she can sit down, "Would you like some coffee?"

She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and weakly smiles at me. "No**," **she replies. **"**I really can't drink coffee anymore although I miss it terribly.** "**

"Do you have any juice?" she asks timidly.

"Yes, of course," I answer, setting my coffee cup back in the cabinet. If she can't drink coffee because of her illness, then I'll be damned if I am going to drink it in front of her.

So instead I pour us both a glass of orange juice, and sit down across from her at the table.

An uncomfortable silence plagues the air around us, until finally I clear my throat and begin to speak.

"Alice," I question, "What's happened to you?" inhaling sharply, I force the tears that still threaten to escape from my eyes back.

She takes a deep breath and finally chokes out, " I was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia three months ago."

"Leukemia!" I gasp. "Oh, my God, Alice." there was no holding back the tears now.

"There are treatments, right?"

"Bella, the type of Leukemia I have is too far advanced, and although Edward has insisted that I try everything possible to beat this cancer, there isn't any doubt for me or my doctors that I am going to die from this disease," she states with an eerie confidence.

_It didn't slip by me that she had mentioned Edward insist she try everything._

"Then you still talk to Edward?" I can't help but ask. My thoughts whirl around what his life must be like now**,** and here sitting in front of me is someone who has all the answers.

"Yes,..." she trails off, looking away from me.

"What is it, Alice? What's wrong? Is there something else you're not telling me?"

She rubs her hands over her eyes, with a haggard expression on her little face. She inhales and sits up straight, and looks me directly in the eye.

"Bella, I'm not quite sure how to tell you this, even though I have had it planned out in my head for weeks. Now that I am here facing you, it is more difficult than I imagined."

"Just say it Ali. I mean, what on earth could be worse than finding out my best friend may be dying of cancer?"

She chuckled nervously. "You would be surprised...Look Bella, I'll just come out with it, I want to say this before I do though. I will completely understand if you want to throw me out after this, and never speak to me again. I've done something that no woman should ever do to her best friend**; **but please understand that at the time I was in a lot of pain**,** and I thought I had lost you forever. Things happened that were unexpected and what I am about to tell you will probably make you hate me for the rest of your life. Quite honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you did. I probably _would_ if I were in your shoes."

"Okay," I reply bewildered. I can't imagine anything on earth that would make me hate her?

"Bells, Edward and I are married," she cringes, huge tears forming in her eyes.

"No,..." inaudibly escapes my lips.

What else could I say? Of all the things I expected Alice to have to say to me today, that never even crossed my mind. I stand in shock and exit the kitchen as quickly as possible. Opening the French doors off the living area, I make my way onto the back patio. I need some serious air. I feel like I am about to hyperventilate. This is too fucking much information to take in at once.

My best friend is dying of a disease that there is no cure for, and she is married to the love of my life. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to run as far away from all of this as I possibly can, and pretend it is all a nightmare.

As I stand there contemplating doing just that, I feel a small frail hand on my shoulder.

"Look at me, Please, Bella!" she begs.

I slowly turn around, still not looking her in the eye. No, I am not ready for that yet.

"How... how did this happen Alice?"

I want to ask her how she could ever justify marrying Edward and breaking my fucking heart, but I don't want to hurt her, considering her sickly state. I mean let's face it, she has committed the most cardinal of all sins in the girl code, and I needed to understand how she could do such a thing.

"You left," she whispered angrily. "You left without even an explanation to me. I was lost without you, and Edward, well to say he was devastated is an understatement."

Slowly, I finally look into her eyes, bile rising in my throat. "I am going to assume you understand now why I had to leave. Has Edward not told you what happened?"

"Yes, of course I know now, but when you left, Edward nor I had anyone else to turn to. He went off the deep end, almost killing himself of an overdose. Luckily I was there to call Carlisle when it happened, otherwise I really don't think he would have made it through that first night.

"After that night things changed for us. A friendship ensued, a very close friendship. He was there for me when I needed him and vice versa. We were there for each other when no one else was. No one understood his feelings of loss the way I did, because you left us both that day, not just him"

"It took a long time, but a love developed out of that friendship. Not an all consuming love, but a love nonetheless, one that we both were willing to settle for. It was better than the reality of being alone."

"I don't know what to say to that, Alice. I guess congratulations are in order, but why have you come to tell me this now?" I knew my voice was laced with venom, but at the moment I didn't care. Sure I left. I left because Edward destroyed me and everything I believed in, but that gave her no right to swoop in and marry him. Be his friend, sure that was fair, but his wife? That hit below the belt.

"Look, Bells, the reality is I'm dying. Edward has already been through so much loss in his life, and this is just one more blow that he doesn't deserve."

"Alice, I hope that you are not trying to imply that I dealt a blow that wasn't deserved. Considering what he put me through, I did the only thing I thought possible at the time."

"Of course not Bella... I understand that, I really do, but you had no idea what Edward had been through up until that point, so you couldn't have known what led him to do the things he did either."

My anger levels shot through the roof. How dare she defend him after what he did to me? He toyed with me, played with my emotions for fun, and now my best friend was defending his actions.

"You're right," I spat, "I had no idea what he'd been through, because he never loved me enough to let me in, to share his past with me. I was never good enough for him to want to share that with me."

Tears flowed down Alice's cheeks. "Oh, Bella, it was never that he didn't love you enough. That is what is so sad about this whole situation. He always loved you. Christ, he still loves you more than anything to this day."

"Obviously, Alice, that is not true. He married you, didn't he? He clearly loves you enough to share his past with you," I scoffed.

"That's not exactly true either." She diverted her eyes from me, wringing her hands together, shuffling her feet. "I went to Carlisle and got the truth from him about Edward and Jasper's past. After that, Edward had no choice but to come clean with it."

She looked up, staring me in the eye. "Tell me. Are you happy in your marriage...can you honestly stand here and tell me that you don't still love Edward?"

"Why does that matter Alice? Edward is with you now. So even if I were unhappy in my marriage, it makes no difference. Besides, I don't even know Edward. I didn't then, and I sure as hell don't now. Frankly, after what he put me through back then, I am not sure I want to know him anymore."

"That's funny," she laughs bitterly. "You could have fooled me." Her eyes danced, and for a moment I thought I saw a hint of jealousy in them. I shrugged it off, knowing that it had to be my imagination playing tricks on me. The only person standing on this patio that is jealous is me. She has the intimacy with Edward I have always longed for, but was never good enough to receive.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Alice?"

"From the moment I mentioned Edward's name on the phone, you have proven to me that you still have feelings for him. Otherwise, you wouldn't have freaked when I told you that we were married."

A nearly evil grin crosses her frail face, because she knows she has me.. There is no denying my feelings for Edward still run deep.

I do the only thing I can think of to keep from admitting to the love my life's wife that I still have feelings for her husband. I divert the conversation back to her.

"I'm still not sure where all of this leading, Alice. You still haven't made it clear why you're here," I insist.

"Look, Bella, I didn't come here to upset you, that's for sure. I simply came here because I don't know how much time I have left, and it would mean the world to me to have my best friend back in my life for as long as I can have her."

She takes my hands in hers, and my anger slowly dissipates. "How can I refuse that, but at what capacity can I possibly be here for you? We live different lives now. I only just told Jake, my husband, about you last night."

"So then I'm guessing he has no clue about Edward? Do you ever plan on telling him about Edward, Bella?"

"No, I hadn't planned on it. I never saw the need. Honestly, Jake and I have enough problems as it is," I conceded.

"Then you're not happy with him?" she questions again.

"Alice, Jake was there for me when no one else was. He accepts me the way I am. Broken and flawed. Sure our marriage isn't what I dreamed of as a girl, but it works for the most part," I lie.

"Do you love him, Bella?"

My throat constricts. There is simply no good way I can tell my friend that I basically despise my husband, but being with him is better than being alone. "I can't answer that, Alice, not now. This is all very confusing."

She nods her head, as if silently understanding what I mean. "Well, Bella, here is what I'm asking. Well, what I came here to ask you in the first place. Edward, being the doctor that he is, has insisted that I go through with yet another experimental surgery and I'm terrified of this operation. I am much weaker now than I have been for my past surgeries, I'm not sure how things will turn out, and it would really help me if I could have you by my side."

"So you want me to be there in Forks for your surgery? I don't know, Alice, I'm not sure that is possible."

"Why not?" she whines

"Well, for one, I haven't been back to Forks since I left. Too many bad memories, and not just with Edward and I. I'm sure you haven't forgotten all the shit my dad put me through back then either."

"But your dad has changed Bella. He is not the same man he was then," Alice declares.

"I know that, Ali, it's just always been easier for him to visit here."

"Okay, so what are some other reasons you would turn down a dying friend's wish to have you with her during a scary operation like this?"

"Alice, I don't think I can face Edward. Can't you understand that? All the feelings are still there for me. They have never went away. The anger, the resentment, the pain that he caused, they are all still there."

"I honestly believe Bella, that if you gave Edward a chance to explain things you may see things in a whole different light," she sadly whispers.

"No, Ali, I don't think so."

"Bells, did Edward ever tell you anything at all about what happened with his real family?

"No, never. I begged him to, many times, but he always said he wasn't ready."

"Well, then I am begging you to give him that chance now. I'm not asking you to forgive what he did to you, I'm simply asking you to allow him to explain why he did it."

"Does Edward even know that you're here with me now?"

"No, of course not," she stated matter-of-factly. "He would have never allowed me to come if he did."

"I rest my case then...How am I just supposed to magically show up back in Forks for your operation if I am supposed to know nothing about it?"

"Simple, Bells, you'll just say you heard from your father that I was sick**,** and that I am going in for surgery."

"Well, you certainly have this planned out, don't you?" I chuckle lightly.

"I have no choice but to be prepared," she murmurs.

I nod. I understand exactly what she means. "I still don't know though. I don't even have a clue on how I would get away. How would I ever explain to Jake where I am going?"

"Tell him the truth. Tell him that I need you."

"I need to think this through. Do I have to give you an answer right now? When is your surgery?" I am really hoping for time to come up with a good excuse to give Jacob about going _home_.

Alice turns her head, looking out over my backyard. "Next week, I'm afraid. I'm sorry to throw this all on you so abruptly**,** but there isn't much time."

Tears started to fall down my face again. "Ali, I really am so sorry that this is happening to you. I've only just got you back in my life**,** and already I feel like I'm losing you again."

"Bella," she says, as she pulls me into her arms, "No matter what happens from here on out, at least I know we have made our peace. If I were to die today... if that's what's meant to be for me, then I will die happy knowing I have my best friend back."

She squeezes me tightly, and then releases me. We stand there on my back porch for hours catching up on everything that has happened since we parted ways all those years ago. It wasn't easy to listen to some of what she had to say, but I would be lying if I were to say I didn't understand how things came to be the way they did. Who was I to be angry over their marriage, when I myself had taken the easy road, and if Edward had to end up with anyone I'm glad it was Alice in the end.

Finally as the sun is setting in the horizon, Alice looks at me with a sad expression, "I really have to be going now. I have to catch a flight back home. No one knows I've left for the day**,** and Jasper will be stopping by later tonight to check on me."

"How is Jasper?" I ask as we walk back in the house towards the front door.

"He's the same old Jasper. I'm not sure he'll ever change." I can't help but detect something in her voice when mentioning Jasper's name.

"It's kind of ironic, that you ended up with Edward. I always thought that Jasper would come around one day. I remember clearly the crush you had on him back then."

The sadness in her eyes broke my heart. I could see from one simple look that she still felt for Jasper the same way I felt for Edward.

"Yes, well that was just never meant to be. Jasper never cared for me the way I did for him."

"Oh, I don't believe that Ali, he was crazy about you. He just didn't know how to show it."

"Yes, well none of that matters now, does it? We can't change the past, only redirect the paths we're on now," she said opening the front door.

"Promise, Bells, promise me, you'll be there?" she begged.

"Okay, Alice I'll be there." How could I say no to her? I can't deny, however, that the thought of seeing Edward again literally made me want to throw up, but I wouldn't refuse her this last request of sorts. It just wasn't in my nature to do that.

"When should I be there, Ali?" I ask.

"My operation is on Thursday of next week. That's the fourteenth, the day after your birthday, actually. So, I would really appreciate it if you could be there on Wednesday, if at all possible. I'd like to throw you a little party.

"I don't think so," I shook my head fervently. Thoughts of the last birthday I spent with Edward flood through my head, and I can feel my stomach knot immediately. "There is nothing to celebrate right now. We need to worry about you and getting you better."

"That isn't going to happen, Bella, and I would like nothing more than to celebrate your birthday with you one last time."

She did it again, how could I say no when she kept assuring me that she wasn't going to be around much longer. I owe her this, even though she has married my only reason for existing. I now understand a little better what brought them together. It was the same thing that brought Jake and I together, that fear of being alone, never having anyone to share your life with.

"Okay, just this once. I'll allow you to throw me a party, but don't get used to it." I smile

.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about in that department," she says with a sad smile on her face.

"I'll be there, I promise." I reach out and hug her again. "I love you, Ali. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you when you needed me most, but I will be from here on out. You can be assured of that."

Just then her taxi pulls up to the curb in front of the house. "That's my ride. I've got to go now, but I'll see you real soon." She hugs me one last time and exits out the front door. I wave to her as she climbs into the taxi**,** and then close the door when it has pulled away from the house.

With the door shut, I rest my back against it and slide down the door until I am sitting on the floor. Crying again, all I can think about is that my friend is dying, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. God, life was so fucking unfair.


	5. Chapter 5 A Broken Heart

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N: Thank you again to my great friend, and Beta (Jeanne)SparklingWand! And to (Jackie)TwiMoments and (Eve)Mamaeve and (Melissa)melarimo for pre-reading for me. I luv u all dearly!**

**Ok let's get to it, here is the world through my Edward's eyes...**

**~x~**

**'A Broken Heart'**

How do I mend a broken heart?

My entire world has fallen do I find hope in a brand new day,

when the one I love has gone away?

My mind overflows with memories of you,

of all that we've shared, all that we knew.

I long for your touch and your warm embrace,

the look in your eyes, the smile on your face.

My dreams are filled with your soft gentle kiss,

I wake and cry it for all.

How do I mend a broken heart,

when my one true love and I are apart?

My heart knows to love only you,

it won't let go, what do I do?

Our moments together were precious and few,

but I cherished them all more than you knew.

I love you my angel and always will,

I loved you then and I love you

by : Jenna

~x~

**Chapter Five (Broken Heart)**

**~Edward~**

I cringed as I lay my hand on my phone, willing myself to call my brother. I found myself sitting in my office, debating on how much information I wanted to divulge to Jasper about the trip I was planning.

This trip was an escape for me, one I needed desperately. Alice's illness was not only taking its toll on her, but me as well.

I felt incredibly guilty for that, as I should. After all, she was the sick one, and I was supposed to be the strong one, standing by her side in her time of need.

Lately though, being the dutiful husband and caregiver had become so overwhelming, so debilitating, that I could barely breathe. I loved Alice, I really did, but never the way a husband is supposed to love his wife, which made me pretty fucking pathetic.

To make me an even bigger ass was the fact that while my wife was dying of cancer, all I could think about was where my heart really was. It was so far away with that beautiful angel who had walked out of my life all those years ago.

I missed her more than words could ever say. She was a constant thought in the back of my mind. Every now and then I would pull her to the forefront and relish the memories of my sweet angel. I would lavish in the thoughts of her sweet kisses and soft touches, pieces of her I would never have back. Losing her was just another example of everything I had fucked up in my life up until this point.

I wondered where she was, how she was, and if she had ever been able to recover from the heartbreak I had caused her so long ago.

It was pretty fucking self-centered of me, to honestly think that she hadn't moved on and gotten over me. As if I could have caused that great of an impact on her life. I knew better than to think that I could make her incapable of creating and living a happy life with someone else. I'm nothing, and she proved how much of a nothing I am when she walked out on me that day.

The thought of that alone, however, nearly brought me to my knees on a daily basis. My Bella, my girl, in someone else's arms, was not a picture that I could fathom. I could feel the bile rise in my throat as I considered another man touching her in the way that I could only dream of.

Her milky white skin turning pink as my fingers pressed into it, the way her nipples would pebble as my teeth grazed across them, the sound of her moan when she got excited, these were all things that were just dreams to me now. There was a lucky bastard out there who gets to relish these things about her on a daily basis, and I wanted to kill the mother fucker.

I inhaled deeply, trying to regain my control. So before I lose my mind continuing to picture Bella in someone else's arms, I call Jasper.

_Let's get this over with._

I was startled when he picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, bro, what's up?" he answered.

"Jasper, I need to talk to you. Can you come to my office?" I asked with some hesitation.

"What's wrong? Is Alice ok?" he asked, sounding very worried.

"She's fine, bro, really. I just need to talk to you about a trip I'm planning."

"A trip?" he patronized.

"Yes," I replied, sounding annoyed now. "Can you come to my office or not?" I demanded.

"Yeah, Jesus, man, calm the fuck down. I'll be there in a few minutes. I have to check in on a patient first."

"Alright, I'll see you in a few then. Please hurry, I don't have much time before my flight."

"Alright, alright, I'll be right up."

"Thanks," was all I said, abruptly hanging up the phone.

As soon as I set the phone down, a thought occurred to me. My brother was very quick to show his concern for Alice… thinking I had called him because something was wrong with her. I was really beginning to realize the depth of his emotions for her through these brief interactions with him.

It started the day Alice and I decided to go to the justice of the peace and tie the knot. We didn't bother to tell anyone until afterwards. When I called Jasper to tell him, he was pissed to say the least.

I had thought at the time that it was because we hadn't invited him, but when I realized the rest of my family didn't have the same reaction he did, it slowly started to dawn on me that maybe there was more to it than what I had originally thought.

Jasper was in love with Alice, and although I am quite sure Alice always had feelings for him as well, she never brought them up either.

_Great, why hadn't this all been clear to me from the beginning?_

_Well, I guess I can just add that to my list of major fuck ups too_.

I had never confronted either of them to find out if this were true or not, but sometimes when we were all in a room together, it was apparent on their faces. The truly sad thing is, while most husbands would be jealous of their brother's interactions with their wife, I wasn't. In the back of my mind, I often wondered what would happen if I simply bowed out. Would Jasper finally be man enough to tell _my wife_ how he truly felt for her? Would Alice finally have happiness in her life?

Jasper had tried dating Alice in high school, and it was obvious to me then that he had major feelings for her, but because of the shit that had happened to us in the past, Jasper had completely shut out everyone emotionally but me.

He steered clear of any relationships where he might have to exhibit any form of passion, and still does to this day. His emotional disconnect had caused him great ridicule in high school. Most people assumed he was gay, but it was those who actually voiced their opinions that got me the most. Kids can be cruel, but adults can be downright evil. My poor brother must still endure the ridicule to this today, but I know the truth of why Jasper can't open up to anyone...and yes, that also falls on my shoulders.

Jasper felt guilty because he believed if he had only been there that terrible night in our home, instead of on his first real date with a girl, that he could have saved his little brother from making the choice I had made that nearly destroyed me.

That is why he couldn't give himself to any girl, especially Alice, in any emotional capacity beyond friendship, and for that, once again I had only myself to blame. Of course if I knew then what I know now, I would never have married Alice. Our wedding was a split second decision between two friends, a decision that I both cherish and regret.

Suddenly there was a knock on my office door, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Come in." My tall lanky brother stepped into my office. There was always such a grace about him that I envied. He carried himself charismatically, and everyone seemed drawn to him.

"Jasper, since when do you knock?" I joked.

"Since now," he retorted. "Alright, brother you've got me here. What's this about a trip?" he questioned, sitting down in the chair in front of my desk.

"Listen, Jasper, I'm going away for a couple of days, and I kind of need you to cover for me with Alice." I said hesitantly.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Edward?" he jumped from his seat screaming. My breath caught in my throat as my brother lunged for me, grabbing my by the collar and yanking me out of my chair, practically dragging me over my desk. "Why would I need to cover for your ass? Are you fucking around on Alice? So help me, Edward, if you hurt her, I will never forgive you."

"Jasper," I started. "Calm down. Don't be ridiculous! Of course I'm not cheating on Alice. Sit the fuck down and lower your voice."

Jasper looked at me confused for a moment, released me from his death grip, and plopped back down in his chair. I quickly gathered myself and sat back down as well.

"Why in the hell do I need to cover for you then?" he scoffed.

I gripped my hair, pulling it by the roots as I replied, "Because I just need a few days to pull myself together. I feel like I'm losing my mind." I exhaled and looked my brother in the eye. "My wife is dying and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I'm a doctor. It's my job to save lives, and the one life that means the most to us, I am helpless to save."

Jasper just looked at me, wearing the same confused expression. I could see the wheels spinning in his head. He loved me, this I knew, but he also knew that I too was emotionally handicapped and sometimes followed the wrong path when it came to women.

After all, he knew exactly what I had done to Bella. He was aware of how much I had hurt her, and how it nearly shattered me when I lost her. It was clear on his face that he didn't trust why I suddenly wanted to skip town for a few days.

We sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I watched Jasper struggle to breathe and knew a war was raging inside him. "Jazz, I understand your concerns, I really do. But have I done anything since Bella to make you believe that I would hurt Alice like that?" I asked furiously.

Sure, I played the field in college. Even though Alice and I were there together, we were only together as best friends at first, and let's face it, I wasn't in the best frame of mind then.

Sometimes I wonder how I even made it through medical school considering I was high ninety percent of the time.

It was never a problem for me to get the girls, though. No, they flocked to me like I was a movie star or something back then. I won't lie, in the first few years of college I took complete advantage of that.

When I finally realized that it was Alice who was always taking care of me after those long nights of partying, girl hopping and drug binging, it became clear to me that I needed to straighten my life out for her as well as for myself. I had lost so many people I loved in my fucking shitty life. I knew for certain that the only thing that got me through most of my life was my best friend, Alice, and if I didn't get my shit together I would lose her too. I wasn't willing to risk losing Alice, she was just too important to me.

When I set my mind to quit all that shit, for the most part, I did. Sure I had setbacks, but again Alice was always there to pick my ass right back up and tell me I was worth more than that. That's why, when it came down to it, I knew I had to have her by my side in any way I could.

That's what led to us getting married. Neither one of us could picture our lives without the other. She understood me better than anyone. She knew deep down that I would never stop loving Bella, but she accepted that about me and said yes when I asked her to be my wife. For that I will always love her.

That is what was so hard about all of this for me. Here Alice had been there to save me from myself more times than I could count, and this one fucking time that she needed me to save her, I couldn't even do it. I failed her.

As I felt the tears begin to form in my eyes, I decided that I had had enough of this conversation with Jasper; either he would cover for me or he wouldn't. Either way I was going, I had to. This was my way to prepare myself for the fact that the girl who had been my best friend all these years was soon going to be gone from my life for good. I simply didn't know how to live without her.

"Jasper, I'm going. Please just go along with what I tell Alice," I begged. "I'll only be gone for two days, just enough time to get my emotions in check, to prepare myself mentally for the fact that I am going to lose her. I need to do this so that I can come back here a stronger man, and be there for her the way she deserves."

"Alright, Edward," he conceded. "What reason are you going to give her that you're leaving?"

"I'm just going to tell her I have a medical conference to attend in Seattle for a few days."

"Fine," he said, "I'll lie for you, but know that I don't like doing that to Alice. She already has enough shit to deal with."

"Thank you, Jazz, I owe you, and I'm really sorry I'm asking you to do this."

"It's not that I don't understand why you need to do it, I just wish I didn't have to lie to her about it." He sighed and shook his head. I knew the battle was still raging inside him, but at least he had agreed to do this for me.

"I love you, you're my kid brother, and I would do anything to help you out, you should know that."

"I love you too, man," I began to tear up again.

"Just make sure you check in on her while I'm gone. If her condition changes in the slightest, call me, and I will come home right away."

"Alright, I will, of course I will. She's my sister-in-law, bro. I _love_ her, and I am worried about her too."

I looked in his eyes and saw complete pain there. I knew without a doubt in that moment that Alice was so much more to him than just a sister-in-law, and my heart broke for him completely.

So, here is where I find myself now, lying on this bed in this hotel room, trying to decipher how everything in my life had gone so fucking wrong.

Maybe, just maybe, if I had not screwed up so badly that day with Bella, all of our lives would be different now. Jasper would have his Alice, and me, I would have my angel, my beautiful Bella.

You can't change the past though. If I could, I'd go back to the night when mine and Jasper's whole world changed forever.

**~Flashback~**

I slid down my bedroom wall until I was sitting on the floor. I was in disbelief at the words that had just come from my adopted father's mouth.

Exactly ten minutes ago, he gently knocked on my door. I looked to my alarm clock on the bedside table, it was a quarter to five in the morning.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Edward, can I please come in?" Carlisle's voice sounded haggard coming through the bedroom door.

_What could possibly be so important that he would need to talk to me at this hour in the morning, _I thought to myself.

"Just give me a minute, Carlisle," I said as I rolled out of bed, grabbed my jeans from the couch and slid them on.

As I opened the door, I saw the depth of the pain in his eyes.

At that moment a thousand things flashed before my eyes, a thousand things and not one of them was the reality of what he was about to tell me.

"Son, I'm afraid I have some bad news." He moved to sit on the edge of my bed and patted the spot next to him, silently urging me to sit.

I shook my head, indicating that I was fine right where I was.

Carlisle lowered his head and his shoulders dropped. I could feel the sadness rolling off of him. "I'm afraid that something happened to your mother last night."

"Something?" I asked, sounding confused. Carlisle gripped his hair and tugged. I recognized that reaction. It was the same one I always had when I was trying to control the emotional turmoil raging inside me.

My chest constricted at the sight of him. I knew something terrible was wrong, but still the stupid question came out, "Carlisle, what was it? Is she ok?"

"No," he whispered, as tears slid down his cheeks. She's not alright. Elizabeth committed suicide last night."

"What!" I stood there in disbelief. I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears and my heart pound in my chest. "No, that isn't possible!" I cried.

"I'm so sorry, son," he stood to move towards me.

I slowly backed away until my back was against the wall. I slid down to a sitting position on the floor, my arms curled around my knees. I couldn't speak.

I could see that there were words coming from Carlisle's mouth, but I heard nothing. Nothing, except my mother's voice the last day I ever saw her.

"I don't understand, Edward," my mother cried. "Why did you do this to me? I loved him, and you destroyed that for me," she said bitterly. You're my son. You're supposed to want me to be happy. How could you take my happiness away from me?"

I was thirteen years old the night I shot and killed my father. He was an abusive man. What am I saying? He wasn't a man; _a monster _is what he was.

It was no different than any other night in our home. My father, Edward Sr., came home from work angry as usual, and just like every other night he took his anger out on my mother, or sometimes Jasper and me.

But this night would not end the same as every other night. I don't know what happened, something in me just snapped.

I had watched and stood by for so long while my mother silently took his blows as though she deserved everything he gave her. I just couldn't let it happen anymore.

Tonight, it was because she hadn't had dinner on the table when he walked in the door.

"You worthless bitch!" he violently screamed at her.

I felt my blood start to boil, as I watched my father for the third time in a row that night, lift his arm in the air only to smash his hand against my mother's beautiful battered face. She seemed so lost, so helpless, and I was the sniveling child watching her struggle to protect herself from his insolence. His final blow knocked her off her feet, causing her to hit her head on the stove on the way down to the floor.

As my mother lay there on the kitchen floor, bleeding and begging for him to please stop hitting her, something just took over in me. I knew if he continued that night he would kill her.

So without hesitation, I reached in the cabinet above our refrigerator for my father's pistol that he kept hidden there. I'm sure he had no idea that I even knew it was there, but I did.

When I was finally able to grasp it in my shaky hand, I turned just as my father's foot was about to make contact with my mother's stomach.

I screamed out to him and his head turned in my direction. I felt empowered when I saw the horror in his eyes. For once in his life he would know what it felt like to fear for his life. Unfortunately, that horror didn't last long. When he looked at the gun that was now pointed directly at him by his youngest son, he stopped his attack on my mother and smiled an angry grin.

He moved away from my mother and towards me. As he did this, he taunted, "You'll never have the guts to pull that trigger, little boy." When he came within inches of me, I had yet to fire the gun, I was so terrified I would miss.

He chuckled as he waved his hand for the gun. "You're obviously no son of mine. My son would have the balls to shoot the fucker that was beating his mother. Look at you shaking. You're weak. You'll always be weak," he sneered.

The bastard looked at me at that moment and started to smile, and for the first time in my thirteen years of life, I smiled right back at him. As he raised his hand to take the gun from me, I backed away still smiling, and pulled that fucking trigger.

The bullet entered my father's head above his right eye. He went down with a loud thud.

I fell to the floor on my knees, and as I did, I dropped the gun. It slid across the floor until it came to a halt right beside my father's head, where a large pool of blood had began to form.

I looked towards my mother and saw the shock in her eyes. She scooted towards my father, picked up his head and cradled it in her lap, rocking back and forth screaming out loud.

I couldn't shed a tear for the man. I just sat there silently in shock on the floor, mere inches from where my father's body lay.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion from that point on. In the distance I heard the police sirens. I saw them as they entered the house and assessed the situation.

One of them walked over to me, gently pulling me from my sitting position and taking me outside to our front lawn.

I heard more sirens as the ambulance came to take my father's body from within the house, and I heard my mother's screams as they took him away.

Another officer walked over to me at that moment and pulled me to his police cruiser, sitting me in the back.

"What have you done, Edward? Oh my God, what have you done?" I heard her scream at me as the officer held her back from running towards the police car.

At that moment I felt sick, like I might actually throw up. I wrapped my arms around myself as I felt the first tears fall from my face that night, but not because of what I had done to my own father. It was because the woman who I'd loved more than anything in this world was looking at me with complete disgust in her eyes as she stood there on the front lawn, looking at me around the officer as he held her tightly in his arms.

I watched as the police officer shut the door, and walked away from the car and towards my mother. He pulled her slightly out of my line of vision and shortly after that, I saw my brother appear on the lawn, where the officer and my mother stood. Jasper was facing my mother as she spoke, holding his arms in the air, screaming at her, and pointing towards me in the car.

As I watched her finish talking to the officer and turn away from Jasper, he turned towards me in the car, and he looked at me with such regret in his eyes, I couldn't help but feel guilty for causing them both so much pain.

He slowly approached the police car, where I was now completely engulfed in tears. The weight of everything that happened that night was finally sinking in.

He reached up, looking at me and placing his hand on the window in front of my face. I saw his mouth form the words, "I'm so sorry, little brother," as he himself started to cry.

Suddenly, as the officer reappeared at the car, pulling my brother away, I became terrified at the thought of going to jail and never seeing him or my mother again.

The officer opened the driver's door, got in, and closed the door. When he started the car, I saw my brother being placed in the back of another car in front of us.

I looked out the window of the cruiser towards my mother, and watched her one last time, scream out towards the car as it drove away from my home.

"Edward, I never want to see you again. You've destroyed our lives with what you've done here tonight. I loved him, he was your father. You've killed your own father!" She continued to scream until she disappeared from my view.

Those were the last words I ever heard my mother speak to me. She refused to see me or Jasper after that night, and signed our care over to the state.

We were placed into a foster home, and shortly after that, Carlisle and Esme found us, two broken boys, and decided that they would take us home and try to save us both.

Little did they know at the time how much effort that it would really take, but eventually, with their love and commitment to give us both a better life, we slowly began to acclimate to our new home.

I never gave up hope though, not for one minute, that one day my mother would forgive me for what I had done that night and come back for both Jasper and me.

"Edward," I heard Carlisle cry. "Please talk to me, son." he begged.

But I couldn't, because I now realized that my mother would never forgive me, and never come back for us. No, she went to her grave hating me.

How could I ever live with that knowledge? All of the effort that my adoptive family and my Bella had put into breaking down this self-hatred and loathing was pointless. Within a few short seconds my whole life crashed down around me. All the hate and sadness came back to me in a rush, until I couldn't think straight anymore.

I jumped to my feet as Carlisle also stood beside me. I grabbed my car keys from the dresser, and moved quickly out of my room and down the hall to the stairs.

As I started to descend the staircase, I briefly heard Carlisle call out my name again. I didn't take the time to respond, I was no longer thinking clearly. I just needed to get out of this house and I needed to do it _now_.

I slammed the front door shut, and ran to my car. Once inside, I sat there for a brief moment in a daze.

"_Where was I going to go?" _I asked myself. Not to Bella, I had never told her anything about my past and was in no state to do so now.

I could think of nothing more than making this fucking pain go away. I needed to be numb. Even though Bella and I had worked so hard these last few months on finally not using drugs as a means of escape anymore, I really didn't fucking care if I was about to upset her. I couldn't be bothered with her disappointment in me at that moment, because nothing mattered anymore.

I started the engine and backed out of the driveway. I headed straight for Tyler's house because I knew out of everyone in town, he would be the one to supply me with what I needed this morning.

It was still dark out as I sped through Forks breaking nearly every traffic law there was, to get to the other side of town, where Tyler lived.

At only 6:30 in the morning, he wouldn't be happy with me when I knocked on his door, and again I really didn't fucking care right now. I knew his parents were out of town for the weekend, so I wouldn't be bothering them, not that I gave a shit if I did. All I could think about was the numbness I so longed for right now.

I also knew that Tyler had a huge graduation party planned for tonight for almost all of Fork's High, so he would definitely be well stocked with my drug of choice.

I pulled into his driveway, and exited the car. Before I knew it, I was sitting in Tyler's living room.

"What's up? Are you alright?" he asked with a shrug.

"Frankly, Tyler, no, I'm really not fucking okay." I smarted off.

"Wow, man, okay. Chill the fuck out. I take it you need something to take the edge off?" he asked.

"Why else would I fucking be here at six in the morning?" I screamed.

"Okay...Okay, give me a second, I'll get something to help," he said, standing and walking down the hall towards his room.

"Tyler," I called to him.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Make sure it's the good stuff. You know, don't bring me any shit!"

He knew exactly what I was talking about, it wasn't the first time I'd been here for my drug of choice.

Back before Bella and I had become really serious, I often came here for _blow_. It was the only drug that truly took away everything you were feeling at that moment, leaving you feeling euphoric in its wake.

_Blow_, for me, was the fastest way to the oblivion that I sought at that moment.

He came back from his room minutes later, and mentioned something about how lucky I was that I had actually caught him with some of the good stuff in hand.

At least that's what I think he said, I really couldn't be sure. My entire focus was on the little packet he carried in his hand. He sat on the couch adjacent to me and spread some blow out on the table, divided it into two lines with a razor blade, and said to have at it.

As soon as I took my first line, I immediately began to feel the numbness take over. I really don't remember much after that, except that every time that numbness started to go away, I snorted more to bring it back. I didn't want to feel anymore, I just wanted to be free from all the pain and misery that had been there my entire life.

I knew that my family was probably looking for me, but I couldn't deal with that shit right now. I knew I would have to deal with them eventually, but for now all I wanted was to forget.

It felt like hours later when I awoke to the sound of music coming from down the hall. I was confused and at first couldn't even remember where I was, much less how I had gotten here.

I looked out the window, and the last thing I remembered was that the sun had come up. I noticed now that it was once again dark outside.

I had no idea how long I had been there, but the flow of memories started to slowly come back to me. My heart ached at the memory of Carlisle telling me about my mother, and all I could think about at that moment was getting high again.

I somehow made my way out of the room and down the hall. The house was full of people as Tyler's party looked to be in full swing.

I searched the room for Tyler and found him in the corner with some chick attached to him like a leech.

I made my way towards him, and as he caught site of me coming towards him, he pushed the girl to the side.

Just as I had hoped, he held that precious little baggie up to me and offered it without a word.

I moved back down the hall where I was bombarded by Jessica Stanley asking me if I was alright.

"You don't look so good, Edward," she murmured with fake concern. "Where's Bella, weren't the two of you supposed to come together?" she asked.

I didn't need any thoughts of Bella right now. I didn't have the energy right now for the guilt I would feel if she knew what I was doing here.

"I don't fucking know where Bella is! Now move the fuck out of my way." I growled.

"Did you two have a fight? Is that why you're alone?" she continued as if she hadn't heard me tell her to get the fuck out of my way.

I pushed her to the side, gave her the dirtiest look I could muster at the moment, and made my way back into the room I had exited only moments before.

I sat down at the desk positioned on the left side of the bed. I assumed this was Tyler's parent's room, but again I could really care less.

I spread two more lines out on the desk and quickly snorted them until my nose burned and the numbness started to return.

I sat there for a moment before I stood and stumbled towards the bed. The euphoric bliss of the blow had taken over my senses. I lay in the bed, feeling the numbness envelop me. I closed my eyes and let my body relax. What felt like only moments later, I heard the door to the room open and watched as Jessica peeked around the door.

"Hey, you" she said seductively, "I'm worried about you. Do you need someone to talk to?"

She walked into the room and closed the door behind her. I didn't say anything as she walked to the side of the bed I was laying on and sat down placing her hand on my chest.

"You ok? ?" she asked again, licking her lips.

Jessica had had a thing for me since my first day at Forks High, and although she claimed to be one of Bella's best friends, behind her back she couldn't be further from a friend.

She was always flirting, and doing things to try and capture my attention.

And here, right now, tonight, for the first time, I didn't push her away. I was still completely out of it from the blow I had been snorting on and off all day, and thinking clearly was not my strong suit right now.

I reached to my chest and grabbed her hand, and yanked her towards me, smashing my lips to hers.

I didn't care at that moment whom I might be hurting, I just needed to feel good again.

As she practically fell on top of me, I pulled my mouth away from hers only to see she had a grin on her face but said nothing.

I took this as complete permission to have my way with her, and wasted no time moving my hands to unbutton her jeans and pull them off of her.

I threw them on the floor and then worked my hands back up her thighs to reach her panties pulling them off as well.

She was now completely straddling me, moving against my hard cock with her naked pussy and even through my jeans, it felt damn good, causing a small moan to escape my lips.

There was nothing romantic about this moment for me. I knew in the back of my mind that this would kill Bella if she ever found out what I was doing here with Jessica, but even that thought couldn't stop me from destroying everything that meant anything to me tonight.

Jessica grabbed the cuff of my t-shirt and pulled it over my head, moving her mouth to my ear sucking and nibbling her way down my neck.

I grabbed her ass with both my hands and pushed her against me hard, this time causing us both to moan in pleasure.

Her mouth continued to suck and lick its way down my stomach past my belly button until she reached the edge of my jeans; before I knew it, she had them unbuttoned and was pulling them off of me.

_How could I let this happen, _I thought to myself. It was wrong on so many levels, but I couldn't bring myself to stop it.

I raised myself up to help her with removing my pants. I wouldn't allow myself to think of anything at this moment, except being inside of her.

She reached inside my boxer briefs and pulled my hard dick out. She smiled when I didn't push her off me. She placed both hands around my shaft, as she flicked her tongue across the head. I moaned loudly as she started pumping my cock. I reached up and grabbed her hair, pushing her head down hard, thrusting myself into her mouth.

God damn, it felt so good and so wrong all at the same time. She relaxed as I pushed her head in a steady rhythm, skull fucking her. I could feel the head of my dick hit the back of her throat but had no mercy on her. She continued to pump my cock with her mouth and hands. She was no virgin, she knew exactly how to work her mouth on my dick, and what part of her mouth couldn't cover my dick, she worked with her hands until I nearly came right there.

I quickly pulled her mouth off of me and roughly pulled her back on top of me, so that she was once again straddling me. By this time my boxers were also laying on the floor, and we were both completely naked.

She leaned over me placing her tit in my mouth, and I sucked and nibbled it until it became hard at my touch.

Then I pushed her backwards, placing my thumb on her clit moving it hard against her sweet spot. Her body began to tremble, and I knew that she was close, so I took my hands placed them on her hips and lifted her up so she was hovering over my dick.

She grabbed it, rubbing it along her pussy, gathering her wetness and then placed it at her entrance. Immediately, I thrust her hard down on me and we both cried out at the sensation of it.

Two thrusts deep inside of her, was all it took for her pussy to clamp hard around me, she began to scream that she was coming and told me not to stop, which I had no intentions of doing until I had got my pleasure out of this as well.

As I was on the verge of coming myself, I heard voices coming from outside the bedroom in the hall. I immediately recognized one of them as Tyler's, but couldn't quite make out the other.

At that moment I felt my climax take hold and began to fill Jessica fully with my hot liquid. "Fuck." I screamed as I came hard. It had suddenly occurred to me now that my drug haze was starting to wear off again that I had completely forgotten to use a condom.

Apparently Jessica saw the fear in my eyes and said "Don't worry, baby, I'm on the pill."

"First off, I'm not your baby," I said with a snarl, "and secondly, getting you pregnant isn't my only concern right now, Jessica. I just fucked everyone you've fucked, and frankly that scares the shit out of me."

I made no sound after that, in fact I silently started to cry. At that moment I was so filled with guilt and grief that I started to shake. She moved to get off me, now clearly fucking pissed at what I had just said. As I pulled myself out of her, the bedroom door flung open, and I heard Tyler say, without even looking, "He's right in here, Bella, don't worry."

Right behind Tyler, in walked Bella. My Bella, my angel, and the pain in her eyes at that moment was almost too much for me to bear.

Tyler reacted quickly and tried to push Bella from the room, she was having none of that. She shoved past him as I was trying to stand, still in my half drugged state.

She walked right over to me, looked me in the eyes, and then looked down at Jessica, who was now half dressed sitting on the bed.

It was clear to Bella at that moment what had just taken place in this room. The pain that crossed her face shattered my heart. She stepped back, shaking her head, covering her mouth, and began to cry uncontrollably.

"Bella," I started to say but she abruptly cut me off.

"No, Edward!" she screamed. "Don't you dare fucking tell me it's not what it looks like. Don't fucking patronize me like that. I don't want to hear what you have to say."

She took a deep breath and I could tell she was desperately trying not to be sick in front of me.

"I have been looking for you all day, worried sick. I called your house this morning and got a vague explanation from Jasper that you and Carlisle had had some kind of fight this morning. I was terrified that you might have gone and done something crazy," she exclaimed, as she flailed her hands between me and Jessica, "but I never imagined this."

Tears were now streaming down her face, and I reached out trying to comfort her. As I did this, she slapped my hands away, screaming "Don't Touch Me! You'll never touch me again, Edward."

Jessica had moved off of the bed at this point, dressed completely and left the room with Tyler in tow.

_Fucking coward._

"Bella, please," I again began to say, "Baby, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly," I begged. I felt the hot tears streaming down my face, "Please believe me. I didn't know what I was doing."

"For so long, Edward, I have waited for you to touch me like that, for you to love me like that, and you always pushed me away. I've longed to feel you inside me, for you to make me yours completely, but wanted to give you the time and space you needed. I've fought with myself, trying to make my mind believe what my heart wanted it to. To believe that it wasn't that you didn't want me, you just wanted the timing to be perfect.

"After all this time I now realize it wasn't because you thought you weren't good enough for me. No, it was because you knew I wasn't good enough for you," she said, sounding frantic now.

"No!" I screamed. "That's not true! Do you honestly believe that Jessica Stanley means anything to me? That she could possibly mean more to me than you do?"

"That's supposed to make me feel better? That you're willing to fuck someone you don't care about, let alone love, but you refuse to make love to me? Explain the logic in that to me."

"I was high, Bella, I made a mistake, a really bad mistake. Please, you have to believe me when I say I love you, and you are the only thing that matters to me." I practically begged.

"Stop!" she shouted.

"I can't listen to this bullshit from you anymore!"

She turned towards the bedroom door to leave. I reached out once again, and tried to grab her to keep her from leaving. She shoved my hands away again and turned on her heel to face me.

Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, "I would have gone through anything for you, done anything for you, but this, this I can never forgive you for. You have destroyed everything we ever had together."

She looked up into my eyes at that moment and the pain in her face was excruciating to look at.

"Edward," she said as she walked out the door, "You've broken my heart into a million pieces tonight, and I never want to see you again!"

With that she was gone, slamming the door behind her.

I wanted to run after her, but I knew it would do no good. I had lost her, my girl. My life was gone from me now, and I would never get her back, not after this.

I fell back down on the bed placed my head in my hands and began to cry. I cried for Bella, I cried for my mother, all of it came crashing down on me with such a weight, it was hard to even breathe.

Tyler knocked on the door a few times asking if I was alright and apologizing through the door.

I just laid there for what seemed like hours, shedding tears for every mistake I had made in my short life.

I finally sobered up enough to sit up, and realized I had nothing without Bella. I couldn't go on without her. She had said it herself. She would never forgive me for this, I had broken her past the point of no return.

_What could I do now?_

I saw no light for me anymore, no point in going on with this painful existence in which, briefly because of Bella, I had been able to call a life.

I slowly stood and realized what I had to do. The only thing that could be done now. I grabbed the blow off the desk beside the bed, and opened the bedroom door and exited Tyler's house.

When I reached my car, I glanced back, and with tears in my eyes once again, took one last look back at the house where I had destroyed all hopes of a future with the girl I loved. With that I got in my car and drove off.

**~Flash Forward~**

I found myself sweating and shaky, having laid here remembering the most traumatic points of my life so far. I glanced out the window and saw that it was now daylight. I had actually zoned out for twenty four hours straight, going over and over again everything in my head.

Everything that had happened in my life so far, all the bad things, had been at my own hand, and now God was repaying me for my sins by taking the one person I had left in my life that gave a shit about me.

I couldn't take the thoughts barraging me anymore. I reached for my bag on the chair beside the bed. I needed to sleep, so I grabbed two sleeping pills, and took them with the glass of water on the nightstand. I laid there staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to take me, hoping against hope that God would find it in his heart to forgive me for the sins I had committed throughout my life.

"Please!" I begged Him, "Give me the chance to right my wrongs, to find peace and to find happiness again. Please, let the people I love find their happiness too, with or without me."

I closed my eyes and let darkness of sleep overtake me.


	6. Chapter 6 Something's Coming

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N: Thank you as ever, to my beautiful beta (Jeanne)SparklingWand and my loving proofreaders (Jackie) TwiMoments and (Melissa)melarimo. I couldn't do this with out you.**

**Thank you for all of your fantastic reviews on my last chapter, I was really thrilled at your response to my first EPov attempt! So with that we are back to Alice! And coming up in chapter seven you will get a big piece of JPov. **

**Leave me some love or hate one way or the other, I appreciate you all!**

**~x~**

"**Something's Coming"**

"Something is coming, I can't see it but know it's there.

Ominous and lurking in the air, it's almost too much to bear.

Something is coming, it's so clear, I have so much to fear.

Could I run? Could I hide by his side?

No, there will be no comfort from him, not in reality not for me, but in my dreams

Something is coming, and in his arms is where I'll be."

**By: DreamsOfEdward1**

**~x~**

**Chapter Six (Something's Coming)**

**~Alice~**

The sun was setting when my plane finally touched back down in Forks. I was exhausted. It had been a long, draining day, but it didn't matter. I was happy, happier than I'd been in a long, long time!

I was truly amazed at how easy this day had gone. I really thought that when I told Bella that Edward and I were married, she would kick me out of her house immediately. Somehow, I was lucky enough to make her understand my reasons for marrying Edward. It killed me to see the pain in her eyes and the tears on her face as I relayed the information. However, at the same time I was elated by her tear-stained face because that meant he still meant more to her than anything in the world.

In true Bella fashion, she accepted it, and me, back into her life. She could have shunned me, and I would have deserved it. After all, I had given her every reason in the world to eschew me.

I must admit I'm struggling with why she accepted me so willingly after having broken the most cardinal of girl code, but she couldn't forgive Edward. I pray that she finds the peace she needs to forgive him.

Tears started to pool in my eyes as the plane came to a halt on the runway. I remembered our sweet goodbye from earlier today, when she hugged me before I left her home. My friend had welcomed me back into her life, and for that I was eternally grateful. I knew I missed my friend, but I didn't know how much until I had seen her again.

Even if things didn't happen the way I wanted between her and Edward, which there wasn't a single doubt in my mind that they wouldn't, it was good for me to see her one last time.

Watching out the airplane window, as we were taxied down the tarmac, the realization hit me. I knew in that moment that everything would be different now. I don't know how I knew, I just knew. I knew everything I hoped for would come true. Well, maybe not everything, but nearly everything.

While I may never know the passion of true love, Edward and Bella finally would. Edward would get his beautiful angel, as he so tenderly called her on many occasions, back in his life one way or another, and I could die knowing the universe was finally back in alignment.

It was clear to me how much Bella still loved Edward. It hurt me to know that she was so unhappy with her husband, Jacob, and that she desperately needed happiness as much as Edward did. After seeing her reaction to the mere mention of Edward's name, I knew I had done the right thing in asking her to be here for me during my operation.

Now, while my motives for visiting Bella were entirely selfless, a small selfish part of me was ecstatic to have my best friend back. Although Edward had done everything he could to be there for me through this shitty illness, I needed Bella back in my life. I don't think I even realized how much until she opened that door this morning, and I looked into her eyes.

Oh, how I had missed her, just to call when I was sad, or had a problem that only she would understand. I just missed her, period, and I needed her right now more than ever before.

So in a lot of ways, I guess this was a learning experience for me above all else. It wasn't just a mission anymore for Edward and his happiness, although that meant so much to me. I wasn't just doing this for him anymore. No, I needed Bella there with me, in the end.

I heard the doors to the plane open, pulling me from my thoughts, and I stood to exit the plane. Apparently, I was more tired than I had realized, because I lost my footing in the aisle and fell. A man standing behind me asked if I was alright, and he gently assisted me back to my feet.

"I'm fine," I said, "Thank you. I'm just a little tired."

"Are you sure?" he asked looking concerned.

"You don't look well. Should I ask the flight attendant to call the medics?"

"No, No!" I pleaded, sounding more annoyed than I had intended. "Really, I'm fine. I just need to get home and rest, but thank you again," I said, gaining my balance and walking in front of him.

"No problem," I heard him whisper as we departed the plane.

I needed to get home, to eat, and to rest for awhile. It was really frightening to me how weak I was becoming with each passing day.

Somehow I just felt it in my heart that I didn't have much time left, and frankly, that scared the shit out of me. I won't pretend to be one of those people who act as if they have accepted death when they know its coming. I knew it was inevitably coming, but that didn't mean I had to accept it. It broke my heart, in fact, more than I could ever show anyone.

A grief counselor had told me that I too would go through the stages of grief over my condition, and I found it to be true. I was angry at this fucking situation. What had I, of all people, done to deserve this?

'_Nothing!' _was what came to mind.

Yes, I had married my best friend's ex-boyfriend and love of her life, but did that constitute a death sentence? I don't think so.

_So why was God doing this to me? _

_Why was he taking me away from everything I knew and loved? _

_Why not some murderer or rapist even?_

_Why me?_

There were just no answers for my questions, none that made any sense anyway.

I collected my bag, and with the help of a very nice boy, was able to make it to a cab out front. The cabbie grabbed my bag and threw it in the trunk, and asked where I needed to go.

I gave him my address as I plopped down in the backseat of the cab.

"You okay?" he asked,_ "_You look sick_."_

"I'm fine!" I answered, now intentionally sounding annoyed.

I was tired of people asking me that today. I wanted to shout, "No shit, Sherlock! I look sick, because I am sick, asshole. I'm dying", but then I probably would have been thrown out on the curb, and frankly, I just really wanted to get home as soon as possible.

I wanted to shower and get some rest before Jasper showed up tonight. He said he'd be stopping by around ten, and I needed to get myself together if I didn't want to give away where I had really been today.

Although I felt I could probably confide in him the truth about my day, I couldn't take that chance for fear he would tell Edward. I could never really tell with him, whether or not he would understand what I was doing, and why I was doing it. He just wasn't that emotional kind of guy and would probably think I was crazy for even considering bringing Bella back into Edward's life.

In fact, he might even be angry with me considering the fact that his little brother almost ended his damn life over Bella leaving Forks in the first place.

So again, I can't take that chance, not with Jazz. He means the world to me, and he doesn't even know it. He would hate me for sure if I ever told him, considering I'm married to the one person who means more to him than anyone in his life.

The cab came to a stop in front of our home, the home where my best friend and I have shared our life together. I couldn't help but glance at it and feel a sense of sadness. I don't know what's wrong with me today? Maybe it's just the emotional drain of the day, but there seemed to be something lurking in the back of my mind, something heartbreaking, and I just couldn't put my finger on it.

The cabbie carried my bag in the house for me. As I paid him his fare, he turned to leave with a very ominous expression on his face said, "Hope you get some rest, Miss."

"Thank you," I replied as I closed the door.

I decided I needed a shower and walked towards the bedroom to undress, when the sound of my cell ringing from my purse startled me. I grabbed it and quickly answered, "Hi, Edward."

"How was your day?" he asked, sounding troubled.

"Good and yours?"

He didn't answer, but I could hear him breathing. Something was wrong. I knew him well enough to know when he searched for his words he was holding something back from me.

"Edward, what's wrong? Is everything ok?"

I heard him exhale harshly. I could imagine him in my head, pinching the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes, trying to grasp reality. When he finally spoke, I could hear the agony in his voice.

"Yes, I'm fine," he whispered. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry. It's been a long tedious day of lectures."

"You sound miserable," I informed him.

"I'm fine. Really. Are you feeling okay?"

There it was again, _Damn it, _I wish people would stop asking me that!

"I'm okay, just tired, really."

I desperately tried to hide the aggravation in my voice. I was so sick of hearing everyone's concern for me, or seeing the sad expressions on their faces as they glanced at me. I appreciated the fact that they loved me or cared about me, but I didn't need the constant reminder that I was dying. They would live on, and I would cease to exist. They had no understanding as to how that felt.

The idea of me leaving those I love behind nearly crushed me on a daily basis. Would they remember me? Would they miss me?

It made me feel furious, that this shit was happening to me. I was just really fucking tired of people reminding me constantly that I was ill.

"Alice, are you sure every thing's okay? You don't sound like yourself."

"Please, just please stop asking me if I'm okay. I have heard that enough today to last a lifetime, and quite frankly, I would be happy to never hear it again."

"Okay," he replied, sounding dejected. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

I immediately felt horrible for having snapped at him. "Don't be sorry. I know you didn't mean anything by it." I inhaled deeply, calming myself. Edward had done nothing wrong. This was all me. Something wasn't quite right with me, and I knew it. I just didn't know how to relay that to Edward without worrying him and forcing him to cut his trip short.

I'm just tired," I said again, this time sounding much more convincing. "Listen, babe, don't worry about me. I'm going to go get a shower and get some rest. I'll be fine."

I just wanted to be off the phone. I needed to be left alone with my thoughts. Something was really off with me, and I didn't want to take it out on him anymore than I already had.

"Ok, sweetheart, you do that. I am going to sleep as well, and I'll see you in the morning. Don't worry, I already arranged for a cab to pick me up from the airport."

"Okay... goodnight, Edward, love you."

"Love you, too, Goodnight."

Sitting here on the bed, I hung up with Edward and laid my head back on the pillow, and silently started to cry.

It felt as though the weight of the world had just fallen upon my shoulders. With everything that had happened over the last couple of months, the heartache, and ramifications of it all were finally settling in. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at God for allowing me to get sick. I wanted to hate him for all of it.

I knew rather than lay here and lose control, that I would probably feel better if I got up and took my shower like I had planned.

I grabbed my comfy pink pj's from my dresser drawer. I chuckled at the white clouds against the pink cotton material. Even if Jazz did stop by like he said, they wouldn't be too revealing.

Part of me wanted to don a sexy negligee for Jasper's visit. I needed to feel sexy again. Edward had always been an attentive lover, but honestly, while this will make me sound sick, intimacy with Edward was almost like being intimate with my brother. It just never felt right to me.

I longed for passion, fire, heat, while being made love to. I longed for Jasper, but that was a pipe dream. He was never going to feel for me the way I felt for him. There were often times I wondered, a simple glance, and brush of his hand as he passed me, but never any confirmation. No, this was simply all on me. I loved a man who was incapable of loving me.

I fingered the pink cotton pajamas, pushing my thoughts aside. I honestly just needed to feel comfortable right now anyway. I threw the pjs over my shoulder and headed for the bathroom.

As I was undressing, I glanced in the full length mirror. For some reason, Edward insisted we have it installed during the construction of the house. At the time that didn't bother me, but now it was really pissing me off because I wanted to smash the reflection away that was staring back at me from it.

I looked horrid. I had lost so much weight over the last few weeks that you could nearly see every bone in my body. I was pale as a ghost and my hair, God, I don't even want to go there.

When Bella had opened her door to me this morning, her eyes went directly to my head as did everyone's who looked at me lately, and it broke my heart every time it happened.

Yeah, it was coming back in, and I could pretend it didn't bother me, but in reality it killed me every time I looked in the mirror.

Standing there looking at myself, once again the tears started to fall. Why did Edward even stay with me? I wasn't attractive at all anymore. I already knew he wasn't really in love with me, so what was keeping him here? Was it guilt? Loyalty? What?

I knew it wasn't sex, because it had been months since we had been intimate. I tried to initiate it a few times, but he always turned me down. Never rejecting me but turning me down all the same. I wasn't an idiot. He was afraid to hurt me, and if I were being honest, I really didn't want it either. I just felt like he needed it.

I willed myself away from the mirror and stepped into the hot stream of the shower. Something really was wrong with me tonight. I normally didn't allow myself to get this down. Maybe the trip to see Bella was a mistake after all.

_NO...it couldn't have possibly been a mistake, you fool, _I thought to myself. _You have Bella, your best friend back in your life now, and soon Edward will have her back as well._

He'll have his happy ending that he so deserves.

_But what about me? _

I became more and more upset over that thought, and immediately my thoughts switched to Jasper. God, how I love him.

It felt so good to say that here in the confines of my own mind. I wished that I could share that with him one day, and that he would reciprocate those feelings.

I knew that was just a dream for me now and would be until the day I'm gone from this world we live in. I knew Jazz didn't feel that way about anyone, let alone the sick wife of his little brother, but a girl can dream, and boy, did I ever dream of him.

Thoughts of his beautiful, tall, lanky body intertwined with mine, touching me with those long sexy fingers, looking at me with those gorgeous blue eyes of his, our mouths glued to each other, never letting go, even to breathe, flooded through my mind.

I could almost feel our tongues fighting for dominance one over the other. I closed my eyes imagining his mouth would leave mine briefly just long enough to whisper how much he loves me, and then once again crush against mine.

_Alice, get a hold of yourself,_ I thought, as I realized my hand was moving down my body towards that oh so needy hot wet spot between my legs. It had been so long since Edward had touched me this way. He was so afraid of hurting me, and who could blame him?

I so desperately needed to be touched in this way. I wanted nothing more than for it to be Jazz who touched me, and at that thought, the tears came again.

_I was never going to have my happy ending, _

That was my reality. My fate, so to speak.

I let my hands rest on my pelvis, fighting the urge to let Jasper have his way with me in my mind. I wanted to feel his mouth drift down my stomach, and his soft tongue enter my body, bringing me the climax I longed for. If only.

I opened my eyes, and pushed the thoughts away. Jasper wasn't mine to have and never would be. I washed myself thoroughly and turned the water off.

Climbing out of the shower, I grabbed the towel from the counter and dried myself. My body was pulsing and throbbing, aching to be touched. The towel brushed over my sensitive center, and I nearly cried out at the feel.

I quickly dressed in my pjs and was heading to the kitchen when I heard the doorbell ring. My heart jumped in my chest at the realization that Jasper was here.

I couldn't help but run to the door knowing that I would see his sweet face on the other side of it. Part of me felt guilty for this. I was his brother's wife, but the other part of me couldn't help but think he was my secret angel, just as Bella was Edward's.

I inhaled and opened the door, to see my angel's face looking down at me with a gentle smile.


	7. Chapter 7 My Everything

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N: Thank you to my Beautiful Beta SparklingWand (JM McDonald)! Please join me in congratulating her, she just recently found out that the book she is writing titled "Guardian" is being published and you can find it on store shelves in the summer 2011 !**

**Thank you to my amazing Proof Readers Twimoments (Jackie) and (Melissa)melarimo! Love you guys more than you'll ever know!**

**Thank you for your amazing reviews on chapter 6, and coming up in chapter 8 we'll get another piece of Edward! Right now though here is a peek inside my Jasper's mind and if you're anything like me you'll fall in love with him by the end of this chapter! Please review bad or good, I love them all!**

_Beta suggested playlist: Anymore by Travis Tritt, Broken by Seether, Everything by Lifehouse, & More Than Words Can Say by Alias_

_~x~_

**'My Everything'**

My heart beats for you, my soul longs for you,

Can you hear me when I call for you?

I had my moment, I had my chance,

wasted time dwelling on the past,

I took life for granted thought time would last,

alone and longing, never belonging

No more time to waste in this instance,

I'm tired of watching you from a distance.

I'm yours to have, yours to hold, could I be so bold?

As to ask you my love, for a gift from God above.

One last chance, One beautiful dance.

Shine your love through this night,

so from Darkness comes Light!

Written by: SparklingWand and DreamsOfEdward

~x~

**Chapter Seven (My Everything)**

**~Jasper~**

I had been sitting in my brother's driveway now for what seemed like hours, but in fact was only a few minutes. I was desperately trying to 'will' myself to get out of the car and go to the door.

In the last few months I'd had some of the most difficult moments of my life. One of them most certainly being the day we all found out that Alice, my sweet Alice, had cancer. We learned that it is not just any cancer either, but a very rare form of leukemia that she most certainly would die from.

I remember the phone call from Edward on that fucked up day, and every second of it killed me. Why? Well, for starters, Alice was going to die. My sweet, loving, gorgeous, sexy as fuck, Alice, the one and only girl I had never been able to keep myself from loving. Of course, the fool that I am, also had to be in love with the one girl that was off limits to me, because she was married to my fucking little brother.

I loved Edward, but I hated him too, for making my girl his wife. It's not his fault though, no, it's all mine. I'd never told anyone the way I felt about Alice. I knew if he had known, he would have never married her. I'd never be able to give her what she needed emotionally. I was too damaged for that.

Of course, so was Edward. I'm pretty sure it was never about being in love for them anyway. It was more about not being alone than anything. I'm not an idiot. I knew even though he never talked about her, the one and only girl for Edward had always been his Bella. Bella was to Edward, like Alice was to me, the unattainable. The women our hearts, minds, souls and even our own bodies belonged to, and unfortunately neither of us would have them.

My brother and I shared a lot of things, but Bella was one subject we never crossed paths on. He never even mentioned her name, and if anyone ever did talk about Bella in front of him, he would always find an excuse to leave the room. He just couldn't stop blaming himself for losing her the way he did. That was Edward though. My poor brother blamed himself for every fucking bad thing that had happened to us.

I knew the truth. It was never Edward's fault that he ended up having to make the choice he had made that night. It was always my fault. I knew exactly what my father was like, and I hated that son of a bitch. I'm not sorry he's gone and never will be, but I should have been the one to pull that fucking trigger, not my baby brother.

No, I should have been there that night, instead of out trying to get my first piece of ass. I should have never allowed Edward to be alone with the bastard. It was for one night. One fucking night! I was the only guy in my class that hadn't lost his virginity yet. Lauren Mallory was known to be the easiest girl in the ninth grade, and I was going out with her.

Needless to say, I didn't get laid that night. I got a call saying I needed to get home before I even made it to second base with Lauren. A small penance for what my baby brother had to endure that night because of me and my selfishness. I wasn't there, and because of what my brother did that night, he has been beating himself up his whole life.

Not that I'm condoning what my kid brother did to Bella, because I'm not, but I understand why he did it more then he realizes. I know how much he had always hoped that our mother would get past her bullshit and come back for us, and I knew how much it fucked him up when he realized that wasn't going to happen.

I knew way before her suicide she would never understand everything Edward had given up for her. No, I knew that night, the last night I ever saw my mother, that she would never see what that man had done to her, how weak he'd made her. I mean, really, what kind of a mother would choose a man that nearly beat her to death on a daily basis just for kicks, over her own fucking children? How could she choose him, a man that didn't love her, over a child that had stood up to the asshole to protect her?

While my baby brother silently prayed to himself every night for that bitch to forgive him and come back for us, he blamed himself even more, day after day, for everything that had turned to shit in our lives.

I fucking prayed she'd never come back, because she didn't deserve to have a son like Edward. She was cold and heartless. She didn't deserve someone so selfless that he was willing to destroy his own life to save hers, only to have her throw it back in his face as though what he did for her that night meant nothing.

I hated the bitch for destroying our lives more than I hated my own monster of a father. While our father was abusive and domineering, our mother was spineless and selfish. I curse her every day for what she put Edward through. I blame her, not our father, for us both being as fucked up as we are. She deserved to die the way she did, alone and unwanted.

That bitch took the easy way out with a bunch of pills that night, leaving a huge fucking path of destruction in her wake. Thanks to her spinelessness, our lives were changed even more than they already had been.

I didn't just hate her for what she did to Edward. I hated both my piece of shit parents for crippling me emotionally. They left such huge fucking scars in my heart, scars that would render me incapable of showing anyone any type of affection in my life. I couldn't risk it. Hell, I can't even open myself up to tell my baby brother how I feel about everything that has occurred in our lives. My parents forced me into a fucking turtle's shell, and I fear I'll never find my way out of it.

I feel like there is this huge God damn wall that I can't climb. I had no trust left, to love, to give myself to someone like that just so they could leave me, and break me in two all over again.

The problem with that, however, is that every time I look into those gorgeous eyes… that beautiful face of my brother's wife, I want desperately to be able to love her like that, to give myself to her like that.

I've never even had sex for Christ's sake, with anything other than my hand, because at least my hand couldn't get up the next morning and walk out on me.

I wanted to touch her as a man should. I wanted to make sweet love to her and hear her scream my name as I brought her to the heights of pleasure. I wanted to hold her the way she so desperately deserved. I wanted to be the shoulder she leaned on. I wanted to be her everything.

I knew she had to be scared, but she never showed it, not to anyone. She was the strongest damn woman I have ever known, and ever will know. She's the woman my mother should have been, and I loved her all the more for that simple fact.

It's not that Edward didn't take good care of her, because he did. I knew, like me, he was scared to death of losing her. There was one huge difference between Edward's fear of losing her and my own. I knew Edward's reasons for wanting Alice here were completely different than mine. He loved her, I will never deny that, but not the way that amazing woman deserved to be loved.

She needed the passion and the fire that neither of us would ever be capable of giving her. She needed a man that could ravage her body, while making sweet passionate love to her. She needed a man that could stimulate her mind and open her soul. I longed to be that man, and I hated knowing that Edward didn't feel that way about her. Her soul was wasting away and now her body was following suit.

Edward was losing his best friend but I was losing the love of my life.

Suddenly I felt the sting of those traitor tears falling down my face. I reached my hands up and wiped them away. I had to stop thinking this way, because if I didn't I was going to lose this self restraint I had worked so long to control.

I laid my forehead on the steering wheel and willed myself to regain control of my emotions. Wiping the remaining tears from my face, I opened the car door, and grabbed Alice's favorite burger from the front seat of the car. As I made my way to the door, I took one last deep breath and rang the doorbell.

I suddenly felt panic overtake me when she didn't answer right away. I rang the bell again and was about to use my key, when I finally heard her little footsteps padding down the foyer to the door.

She flung the door open and nearly collapsed in my arms as soon as I stepped through the door.

"Alice, what is it? What's wrong?" I nearly choked out. You could literally feel the waves of desperation rolling off her.

I didn't say anything else as she stood there in my arms and started to cry. I couldn't speak, I was in complete disbelief. I had never seen Alice break down like this, and quite frankly, it scared the shit out of me.

I reached down and dropped her dinner bag on the table beside the door, so that I could better grasp her in my arms. She needed to be held, damn it, to be comforted, and I was not bailing on her, no matter how fucking scared I was.

She pulled back after a moment and looked up into my eyes. The depth of pain reflecting back at me nearly caused me to lose my breath.

"I'm sorry," she finally spoke.

_Why was she sorry? _I selfishly thought to myself. Although it was terrible to see her broken like this, it was actually the best moment of my life.

Holding her in my arms like this had been part of my dreams for so long, it was hard to believe it was actually happening.

_Was she sorry because she didn't feel the same way as me, or was it simply because of her breakdown? _

I hoped it was the latter, and there was absolutely no reason for her to be sorry. She needed to know it was okay to be scared. She needed to know that I would be here for her, until the bitter end.

Standing there in my brother's foyer, holding my brother's wife in my arms, the flood gate for all the pent-up emotions I'd had all these years suddenly came fucking crashing open. I couldn't think straight. My heart was racing. I was holding the most beautiful woman in the world in my arms, comforting her, and for the first time ever, I was at peace. What kind of a sick fuck was I that her pain was bringing me peace?

I looked down into those beautiful eyes, and she looked back up at me. I may be inexperienced, but I could see nothing but longing reflecting back at me. Her lips parted slightly, and she gasped for breath. I felt my cock harden just by looking at her. A small smile played on her beautiful lips, and I knew in that instant that she did want me as much as I wanted her.

I reached down and pushed the hair back from her sweet little face. I don't know what possessed me, but I leaned in and kissed the tears from her cheeks. She sighed and breathed my name. My fucking name escaping her lips was the best aphrodisiac in the world.

"Alice, I…" I whispered as my lips crushed hers, with such a force I was terrified that I had hurt her. When I felt her arms wrap around my neck and her fingers weaved through my hair, pulling me closer to her, I knew there was no way I was hurting her. Her lips started to move frantically against mine, and it was clear that she needed this just as much as I did. I bent down and picked her up into my arms, never removing my lips from hers, and walked her down the hall and towards her room.

_Her and my brother's room._

That thought briefly crossed my mind as I lay her down on their bed. In an instant I felt complete guilt rush over me and started to pull away from her. I couldn't do this. I couldn't hurt Edward like this. No matter how much I wanted her, needed her, I wasn't there to protect Edward that night, and I couldn't be the reason for him to hurt further.

She grabbed my neck, trying to pull me back towards her, and I once again looked down at her and said one word, "Edward." She looked right back at me with understanding in her eyes and smiled. Her eyes danced and my heart leaped from my chest. This was the happiest I had ever seen Alice. She grabbed my hand and kissed my wrist and breathed one word back, "Bella."

I knew in an instant what she meant by that, and that was all it took for me to lose lips collided once again, and a lone tear escaped down my cheek at the emotion of it all. I had dreamed of this moment for so long that nothing could hold me back now.

_Not Edward, not my mother or my father, NO, nothing!_

For the first time in my life, I forgot about my past and could only see my present. Alice was my sun, lighting the darkness of my soul. Finally dawn was breaking in my heart, and for the first time I could feel the warmth of the greatest emotion of all…love.

I pressed my tongue against her lips gently asking permission to enter. She opened her mouth to me without hesitation. Our tongues danced together in a perfect rhythm, as though this had been meant to be all along. We fit perfectly in each other's arms, and I ran my hands down the contours of her tiny little beautiful body, until I reached the base of her adorable pink top and pulled it off of her.

I felt her flinch and thought maybe I had caused her pain in some way. Tears welled in my eyes, and I noticed her eyes were squeezed shut and her body was suddenly rigid. That's when I realized she was flinching because she was embarrassed of her naked body, not because I had hurt her.

I pulled my lips from hers, and gazed over her beautiful form. Her chest heaved as I moved my hands over her peaked mounds. Her tits were just the perfect size. They fit wonderfully in the palm of my hands, as if they were made just for me. I felt her relax as I instantaneously reassured her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world to me. She always had been, and always would be. I saw a faint smile spread across her sexy lips, and knew hearing that had pleased her greatly. I meant every fucking word of it.

When she whispered to me that she felt the same about me, my body exploded into an inferno of lust and love. Most women didn't even pay attention to me anymore. I liked it that way. I didn't have to deal with their shit. They all thought I was gay. I hated that fact, nothing against being gay, but I wasn't. I endured that shit all through my life, and to hear the woman that I've loved most of my life thought I was beautiful, was beyond anything I had ever felt.

How could I have missed that she felt this way about me as well?

_You're such a fucking idiot. Yep, that about summed it up._

The signs had been there since high school, and I'd missed them all. She'd loved me all along, just as I loved her. For one reason or another, neither one of us spoke the words that we longed to say. None of that mattered now though. Laying here in her arms, it seemed the right moment for us. I wouldn't let any past mistakes ruin this time with her, this precious time that we had so little of.

I had missed my chance to spend a long and happy life with this gorgeous creature because I was so barricaded inside myself. Well, here was my chance to redeem myself, and I wasn't going to slap fate in the face by walking away from it.

She reached down and tugged at the hem of my shirt. I lifted off of her long enough to pull my shirt over my head. The act of simply removing my lips from hers nearly crushed me. I felt a sense of loss that was overwhelming, but was quickly distracted by the smile that played on those wonderful lips, as she looked me over.

I couldn't resist her. I had to have her…now. My lips hungrily attacked her face, kissing her lips, her cheeks, and down her jaw. My lips laid a path of fire down her body until I reached her succulent breasts.

Taking one in my mouth, sucking and nibbling, I felt a low moan vibrate in her chest which in turn caused a moan to escape my lips. I released her breast from my grasp and moved to her left, sucking and nibbling there as well, feeling it pebble with my warm touch. I needed complete contact with her. As my mouth teased and loved one tit, my fingers played the same rhythm with her other. I was in heaven.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. She placed her hands in my hair at the nape of my neck and slowly applied pressure, as she massaged her fingers through my hair. I continued to work my mouth and fingers on her breasts, relishing the sounds she made as I nipped her sweet nipples between my teeth. It felt so damn good to be touching her this way and to have her reciprocate.

I had to move my torso slightly, trying to adjust my painfully hard dick without letting her know how badly this was hurting me. It was a glorious pain. One that I was more than willing to endure because she felt so damn good, that I was determined I wouldn't rush this. No, she needed to be made love to, not just fucked. She deserved to feel the fire and passion a man who was truly in love with her could give her, and I'll be damned if I wasn't going to be that man.

I moved my hands down to the waist of her night pants, and slowly pulled them off of her. Reaching inside her panties, I placed my hand over her soft, warm pussy. She cried out, arching her back towards me, urging me on. I began to rub circles on her clit with my fingers until I felt her whole body vibrate with pleasure. God, how I wanted to be inside of her.

It's kind of funny, how everything came so natural to me. I would have thought I would have been nervous as hell at this moment, considering I had never made it past first base with a woman. But I wasn't nervous at all, in fact, I felt quite confident that Alice had never felt this kind of pleasure with anyone, including my brother.

I pulled my hand out of her panties for a brief second, so that I could take them off her. I wanted to see that beautiful pussy as I played with it, and I needed her to be free of any constraints between us. As I slid her little panties down her legs, my whole body shook with excitement as I gazed upon her sweet little sex. For a brief moment, I wondered if it were even possible for me to fit in there. She was so tiny, and my cock was twitching to make it's way inside her.

I threw her panties across the room. I honestly didn't give a damn where they landed. I just wanted to make her feel desired, as she certainly was. I ran my fingers down her slit and I thought I heard her ask, "Is this really happening?"

I smiled to myself and thought,_ yes, baby, this is real, as real as it's ever going to get._

I marveled at the way her clit hardened under my ministrations and her centre glistened with her desire. Seeing that wetness pooling between her legs brought my attention directly back to her hot center. I wanted to taste her. I'd thought about doing this so many times, _inevitably always ending up in me having to rub one out_, that I couldn't wait to get my mouth on her.

She tensed for one brief moment when she realized what I intended to do. I silently wondered if this was the first time anyone had touched her in this way, but quickly shrugged that off knowing my brother the way I do. He was not shy with the ladies, let's put it that way, but in my brother's head was the last place I wanted to be right now. Especially since he was off on some strength building trip, and I was here in his bed with his wife.

I quickly wiped the guilt from my mind that had started to build up again, knowing that Edward may hate me for this, but also with the knowledge that he had no right to, not when Bella constantly flooded his thoughts this way.

I lowered my head between her legs, and the smell alone was intoxicating. I flicked my tongue along the outside of her beautiful womanhood, tasting the woman I loved on my lips. She tasted like honey and the ocean. I was in fucking heaven. I massaged her clit with my tongue, lapping up every ounce of her juice I could, because damn she tasted good. This was better than I ever imagined.

"Fuck, Jasper," she moaned, gripping my hair tighter and pulling my face closer to her body. That feels so good, baby, don't stop. Please don't stop," she begged.

I had no intentions of stopping until I heard her scream out my name in pleasure. I moved more frantically on her now, sucking and nibbling. I thrust my tongue as deep inside her as I could, lapping at her, nipping at her and relishing the feel of her body vibrating under me. I pulled back and looked into her beautiful eyes. She was so full of lust and love, and I knew she mirrored my own face in that moment. I smiled and placed a finger at her entrance, slowly sliding it in and curving it right up to where I knew her g-spot should be. I tenderly pushed that nub inside her, knowing medically it should be all she needed, but prayed I wasn't being an idiot for believing this area really existed. I was ecstatic to see it was true, as my ministrations sent her flying over the edge.

Her eyes grew huge and then shut tightly. Her body writhed as she screamed my name. "Jasper, Oh God, Fuck Baby!" I could hardly stand it. I nearly came myself just from the sound of her.

I fucking wanted her. No, I needed her like I needed air to breath. As she came down from the high of her orgasm, she must have seen the look in my eyes. She motioned for me to come to her. I quickly made my way up her body, kissing her frantically. She reached her little hands between us and popped the button on my jeans. I groaned as her little fingers slid inside my pants, grasping my engorged cock. The feel of her touch on my dick was the most amazing thing I had ever felt in my life.

She thrust several times, but seemed to be having the same issue I did earlier. My clothes were in her way. She slipped her hand out and began to undress me. She pushed me on my back, allowing me to gaze over her luscious naked body. I watched as threw my remaining clothes onto the floor and grinned.

She licked her sweet lips and teased the head of my cock with her thumb, which again nearly sent me over the edge. My body stiffened when she lowered her head and licked the pre-cum that gathered there. I wasn't prepared for what I would feel when she wrapped her warm mouth around my dick. I involuntarily jerked as she thrust her tongue down the shaft of my hard-on.

Oh my God, Fuck me, it felt so fucking good. I couldn't help but moan, "Fuck, baby. I want you. I need to be inside of you."

She sucked my dick even harder at the sound of my voice, and I felt the vibration of her moan on my cock. I couldn't take it anymore, I was going to explode. I felt my cock twitching and knew if she didn't stop I could cum right then, and I wanted to be inside her desperately.

She was relentless, like a child with a sucker. She maintained her motion and I had to forcefully pull her mouth off of me. She smiled a devilish grin, and I quickly flipped her back underneath me. I was going to have her and now. I had waited long enough and I couldn't wait any more.

I placed my dick at her entrance, and looked down at her as I slid it in softly not wanting to hurt her in any way.

She closed her eyes, and at once I begged her to open them. I wanted to see what I was doing to her, and how I was making her feel. As she graciously complied, and slowly opened her eyes, something came over me in that moment. I looked at her and I whispered, "I love you, Alice, I always have, and I always will baby."

I saw a tear fall down the side of her face, and paused for a brief moment to get my own emotions in control. The intensity of this moment was unreal. I asked her if she was okay, and she simply said, "Jasper, I love you, too. I've waited so long for this. I've waited so long for you."

My heart ached at the sound of that. I had wasted so much fucking time with this woman that I love, and God only knows how much time we have left.

_Would I have enough time to show her just how much she has always meant to me?_

I decided in that moment to act as if we had no time left, to show her with every part of my being right here, right now just how I felt.

I began to move again, so slowly in and out of her relishing in the feel of it all, trying to ingrain into my heart, this moment and how it feels for an eternity. I never wanted to forget it.

She softly started to moan. "Oh, Jasper, I've never felt like this before." Her lovely fingers trailed heat down my chest and her hips met mine thrust for thrust.

I knew exactly what she meant, even though I had never been with another woman in my life like she had been with Edward. I knew that even if I had, it wouldn't have meant anything compared to this, here with her right now.

I pushed myself deep inside her, which was a mistake. My body naturally reacted and I had no control over it. I felt heartbroken that I wasn't going to make her cum again.

"Fuck," I cried. "Baby, I'm coming. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"Shhh, me too," she whimpered. "I've never felt this way before."

At that second I exploded inside of her, and she started to scream out my name, lost in her own climax. I pushed hard, but slow as we came together. Panting and pushing, loving and lusting, two souls uniting as one. I felt my body give in to her and knew I was finally complete.

It was the most incredible moment of my life, and everything up until now didn't matter anymore. This woman would be mine. I wasn't having it any other fucking way.


	8. Chapter 8 Better Than Me

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N: Thank you to my beta SparklingWand and to my proofreaders Twimoments and melarimo. I love you guys more than I can say.**

**Sorry it has taken longer with this update, real life has to come first.**

**Thank you for all of your amazing reviews on the last chapter! **

**~x~**

**'Better than Me'**

"Though our friendship will never die,

with each other our love does not lie.

You and I were never meant to be…

No, for you ~ he has always been better than me.

I step aside now and pave the way,

to hopefully bring you a happier day.

Let his love guide you,

and mine unbind you.

Always know for you,

he has always been better than me."

**Written by: DreamsOfEdward1**

**~x~**

**Chapter Eight (Better Than Me)**

**~Edward~**

"Alice, pick up the damn phone!" I screamed into my cell phone. I sat in the back of the cab growing more agitated by the minute.

"Can you fucking speed it up, please?" I asked the cabbie, now frantic.

"I'm going as fast as this damn cab will go already. Give me a break!" he fucking screamed at me.

I had been trying to call Alice since I left the hotel in Seattle this morning, and she hadn't picked up. I was fucking worried sick that something had happened.

She wasn't herself last night when I spoke to her. I knew then there was something wrong with her, but shrugged it off for my own selfishness. A good husband would have fucking come home right away to make sure she was okay. No, a good goddamn husband would've never left her to begin with.

My brother wasn't picking up his cell either. Where the fuck is he? Not at work obviously, because I've called there a dozen times looking for him.

_It just wasn't like either one of them not to answer their fucking phones. _

_Jesus Christ, how long does it fucking take to get five miles in Forks? _I thought to myself as we crossed town towards my home.

It had taken almost an hour to reach Forks from the airport in Port Angeles. It was the longest hour of my life, and these last few minutes were going drive me insane.

_Wouldn't it be my fucked up luck to leave town on her, only to have her pass while I was gone?_

_ARGH! How could I even think about my fucking luck, when Alice might be lying dead at home. _

_I'm such an asshole._

I fucking bailed on her at the worst possible time, and for what? So I could sit in a hotel room soul searching, a _lot of fucking good that did me. _I'm more depressed now than I was when I left.

I couldn't believe I hadn't heard from Jazz. He was supposed to check on her and make sure she was okay while I was gone. I hadn't heard a damn word from him, and again I felt like a complete dick because she wasn't his wife, she was mine. She was my responsibility.

I knew damn well that if Jazz could have had her the way I did, he would have never have left her in someone else's care. No, not my brother. He wouldn't have run off to be alone like a scared little dog licking his wounds. He would have loved her, cherished her, adored her, and all I've ever done was bring her heartache. She deserved so much more.

As the cab approached the curb in front of my home, my heart flew into my throat. I nearly jumped out before it came to a stop, when I realized Jasper's car was parked in my driveway.

_Fuck! Something terrible has happened. I can feel it. Why else would he be here this early in the morning?_

I quickly paid the driver, my thoughts spinning out of control as I sprinted for my front door.

I nearly pulled the door off the hinges getting in the house. I was so afraid now. I briefly scanned the living room off to my right and nothing! Where could they be, damn it? The bedroom immediately came to mind. Maybe Jazz had called to check on her too and she didn't answer… and in his panic came straight here without contacting me.

I made my way down the hall toward our room as fast as I could. It briefly crossed my mind there wasn't a sound coming from the bedroom. "O_dd," _I thought, as I flung the door open to our room, terrified at what I would find there.

When I entered the room, what I did see nearly brought me to my knees for many different reasons. A flood of emotions engulfed my mind and my heart at that moment. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I had so many thoughts running through my head, some you may not imagine a man would have when he walks in on his wife laying naked in his brother's arms in his bed.

They were still asleep. I hadn't woken them entering the room. I was stunned, and to be honest didn't know what my exact reaction should be. I mean the man in me wanted to rip my fucking brother's head off for fucking my wife. I felt betrayed by him, but the brother in me wanted to congratulate him for finally manning up and showing Alice how he felt. I knew that wasn't a normal reaction to have in this circumstance, but this was not a normal situation. I had never been what Alice needed, never been the husband she deserved, I've always known that.

I backed out of the room still in shock. I returned to the living room, sat down on the couch trying to come to grips with what I should do in this moment. Should I stay and confront them, should I go and let them have their moment? Let's be honest, I knew Alice didn't have much time left… no, I knew _they_ didn't have much time left to make up for a lifetime of love held back.

Could I really destroy that for them? Let's face it, how hypocritical of me would it be to run in there like a crazed husband when the whole time, in the back of my mind, I fucking wished that was me with my Bella? No, I couldn't do it to them. That wasn't me. I loved Alice and my brother. I knew deep in my heart what this moment must feel like for them. I've imagined my moment with Bella a million times and had I ever gotten it, it would have been the most incredible moment of my life. I couldn't take that from them, not now.

As I was sitting there debating on bolting from the house, I heard the bedroom door open, and looked up to see my little Alice standing there in front of me. Her beautiful smile turned to tears instantly at the sight of me. She must have realized what I walked in on. I'm sure it was written all over my face I'm sure.

"Edward," she gasped.

"Alice, don't," I quickly halted her. I needed to make it clear to her that she didn't need to feel guilty for this. She deserved her happiness, they both did. I was so fucking tired of living a lie.

She took my abruptness the wrong way. My heart crumbled when she whispered, "I'm so sorry." She sat down beside me and took my hand in hers. "I never meant for this to happen. I need you to know that," she choked out.

I took her in my arms reached down and lifted her chin up with my finger, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes were filled with so much remorse. "Alice, listen to me please," I pleaded. Her tears flowed down her checks, and I gently kissed them away. "I need you to understand that I'm not upset with you. Fate is correcting its fatal error. You and Jasper were meant to be all along. I only stood in the way of that and I realize that now.

"We both know, sweetheart, that this, our marriage, was never the right path for us. I also need you to know, that I don't fucking regret one minute of it. You're my best friend, Ali, and I love you, but, what you and Jasper share is a love that only comes along once in a lifetime. I know this better than anyone, because I had that love and lost it. I now have to live with the fact that I'll never it get it back, but you and Jasper have a chance at it. How could I ever stand in the way of that?"

The tears were now falling down my face. All of the feelings I've buried so deep from the loss of Bella in my life were starting to surface. I missed her so fucking much. It had been twelve years since I last looked upon her beautiful face, but I remembered every inch of it. That smile that lit up her face every time she saw me, the way her cheeks blushed that beautiful shade of red when we touched. Those precious lips that I fucking wished so much I could kiss away all the pain I had caused her. I remembered it all.

Alice looked up at me in that moment and took my face in her little hands. "Listen to me, E. You'll have your happiness. You have to believe that. You can't give up on that!"

"No, Al, I won't. I don't deserve it, not like you. I have caused too much pain in my life, to so many people. I have left a path of destruction throughout my life that can't be repaired. It's too late for me, but not for you and Jasper, and I won't be responsible for destroying that for you."

"You just don't get it, do you?" she cried. "Edward, you are the most selfless person I know. You have given up so much for everyone else, most of all your own happiness.

"Your whole life you've spent in pain because of the choices you had to make at such a young age. How do I get through to you that none of that then or now was your fault? It's a part of who you are. Part of what makes me love you, and the biggest part that kept Bella from your grasp. If only you had opened up to her, but instead you refused to share your pain with her."

"No," I said. "I was never good enough for her. She would have never understood what I had done to my own father. If I had shared that with her, she would have surely left me way before she did."

I couldn't even say her name anymore, this was all just too fucking much to handle.

"You don't give her enough credit, E, you never did. She was a strong young woman then and still is now. She would have accepted you just the way you are, and still would today if you just opened up to her."

"Alice, what the hell do you mean, she still would today? Do you know where _she_ is? Have you spoken to her?" I felt my heart constrict as I awaited her answer.

Just as she began to speak, the bedroom door opened once again, and out walked Jasper. Although he too had guilt written all over his face, he seemed to be prepared to do battle with me if necessary over Alice. Little did he know, he had won that battle long ago.

"Edward, I'm sorry," he said.

I looked to Alice and asked her if she could give me and my brother the time alone we so definitely needed in this moment. She obliged, kissing me on the cheek once more before departing for the bedroom.

Jazz walked over and sat in the chair facing me. He looked angrier than I felt. He was definitely on the defensive, and I really couldn't blame him.

"Jasper, I just have one question for you," I whispered, fighting the tears back.

"What?" he asked.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about your feelings for Alice?" The shock on his face told me everything. I knew he thought he hid his feelings from me all this time. While I was an imbecile to ignore them, he had to know that I was always aware of his love for my wife.

"Look, don't even answer that. It doesn't matter anymore. I just need you to know this. I love you, you're my brother and I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"Yes, Jazz, because if I were good brother, I would have seen how much she has meant to you all along. There were signs, but I was too caught up in my own bullshit to ever see them clearly. I need you to know that if I had, I never would have married her. It wasn't until after you got upset with me for marrying her that I realized your feelings, but I couldn't undo what I had already done. I'm so sorry, Bro."

"You're not angry with me?" he asked, appearing shocked.

"I wanted to be, Jasper. And for a brief second I was when I first walked in on the two of you. I wanted to kill you. I quickly realized that wouldn't accomplish anything. I love her, Jazz, you know that, but I have never been what she needs. I couldn't be. My heart has always belonged to someone else."

"Bella," he murmured.

I ran my fingers through my hair tugging at it hard.

_I had never spoken to him about Bella, not since she walked out of my life. How could he so quickly come to that conclusion?_

"How could you know that?"

"Edward, do you think I'm stupid? Do you think Alice is? That any of us are for that matter? It's been clear since the day you met Bella, that she was your other half. It was even clearer the day she walked away from you, how much she meant to you. God, E, you almost killed yourself over her, have you forgotten that?

"I've always known she was the one for you. That's why it hurt so much when you married Alice. Not just because she was the love of my life and I couldn't even admit that to you, but because I saw my little brother making the same mistakes I was in life. Instead of going after what you really wanted in life, you settled, Edward. Just like me and it fucking killed me to watch that."

I was stunned at his words. I had always felt so close to my brother, closer to him than anyone in my life, yet I felt I was just meeting him for the first time today. He'd never revealed any of these emotions to me before, always silent, always stronger than me at controlling his feelings. I had always been the one to act out, seeking out the worse things in life to pacify my self-hatred.

I had always looked up to him for handling things so much better than me, but it was becoming clear that Jasper never handled anything. He had just kept it all bottled inside, never revealing any of it to anyone.

"Don't you see, Edward, I sat back and watched you making those same mistakes with only myself to blame. Had I been there that night with mom and dad, I promise you, little brother, you would have never had to make the choice you made then. I've always known that and lived with the guilt of it all this time. I should have been there to protect you, and I wasn't. I have only myself to blame for all of the shit you have put yourself through."

Now he too was tugging at his hair and tears were starting to fall from his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I should have been there," he cried. "It was my job to protect you and I failed you. I've always failed you."

"No!" I cried, "You're wrong, Jasper, you've never failed me. In fact you've been the only constant in my life." Tears were once again streaming down my cheeks.

"I have never blamed you for what happened that night. It was all on me, you had nothing to do with it. I lost control that night, just like our own father did so many times. I couldn't help myself. I just couldn't let him hurt her anymore, but in that instant when I pulled that fucking trigger I became him. You see, Jasper, that is why I've always looked up to you. You may look like him, but you are nothing like him. I hate myself because I am him. My entire life has been filled with wrong decisions, broken hearts, and so much bullshit. I destroy everything I touch, just like he did."

"Do you honestly believe that crap?" he growled. "Is this what you have been thinking all these years… that just because you made the decision that night to save our mother's life, it somehow turned you into him? Jesus Christ, Edward, you couldn't be farther from the truth. You are nothing like him.

"Do you honestly think that he would have ever put himself on the line the way you did at thirteen years old? Do you think he would have ever risked everything to do something like that? The answer is NO. That man never gave a shit about anything, not even himself. You have spent your entire life taking care of others. You're a doctor for Christ's sake! He was nothing more than a piece of shit, and the fact that you are comparing yourself to that monster makes me sick."

"Jasper, why else would mom have left us? Why would she have just walked away from her children, if she didn't believe I was a monster just like him?"

Jasper got up, walked over and sat beside me on the couch. He looked me in the eyes and said, "I'm only going to say this once, E, so you'd better grasp it no matter how difficult it may seem for you. Our mom, she wasn't perfect.

"I know that thirteen year old boy trapped inside of you may find that hard to believe, but she was fucked up, Edward. Maybe not always, but he did that to her. Her abandoning us had nothing to do with you, it was all her. She couldn't face the reality that was her life. Which is why, in the end she took the easy way out with a bunch of pills. That was never your fault, you know that, right? Please tell me you don't blame yourself for her suicide too."

_Of course I did, was he nuts? _

"Jazz, how could I not blame myself for that? Fuck, if I hadn't done what I did that night-"

He cut me off, "Shut the fuck up. Do you really think, little brother, that if you hadn't done what you did that night, she would have been alive long enough to make the decision to commit suicide? You and I both know he would have killed her and maybe even us, long before that.

"Look, E, truth is we have both spent our entire lives blaming ourselves in our own ways for every fucked up thing in our lives. In reality, we clearly never had any control over any of that shit. I don't know why I have never seen it before now, but I do now and you need to learn the truth too. If you don't, I'm afraid of the path that road will lead you on, and I want better than that for my little brother.

"I want you to be happy, I want you to feel what I feel when I'm with Alice. She makes all that other shit so pointless now. I'm really so sorry that I did this to you behind your back… but I don't regret it, and I won't ever apologize for finally taking my chance with her. We don't know how much time she has left, E, and I've already wasted so much time with her."

I couldn't take much more of this. I couldn't grasp what my brother was telling me. How was I supposed to, after all this time, just magically stop blaming myself for everything. I couldn't fucking do it.

As for him and Alice, well, I'm happy for them that they have finally found each other. However, I'm also angry, fucking furious, that I will never have that happiness again in my life. That the one chance I had with my beautiful angel all those years ago was fucked away with Jessica Stanley, and I can never change that. A drug induced haze, a moment of stupidity, and I sold my soul to the devil.

"I have to get out of here, Jazz, I can't do this anymore right now. Look, I am glad you finally manned up and told Alice how you feel, and there is a lot of shit here that still needs to be worked out. I mean she is still my wife and all, but this, along with our trip down memory lane with mom and dad is just about to send me over the edge. I mean I'm really glad that one night of passion for you with _my wife_ could clarify our entire life for you, but it will never be that clear cut to me.

"I won't ever find my happiness again, " I said as I stood, "because right now my happiness… she's somewhere else, in someone else's arms. So I won't ever know what could have been with me and Bella, because she will never give me that chance again."

I made my way to the front door just as Alice was exiting the bedroom. "Edward," she said, "please don't go. We still have so much to talk about."

"Alice, I need to go, trust me. You don't want me here right now." I leaned over, kissed her on her forehead, lingered there for a moment, and then moved to the front door of my home. I guess it wasn't my home _any longer _I thought. I opened the front door and stepped out right into the arms of the very angel I never dreamed I would lay eyes on again…

"Bella?"


	9. Chapter 9 What Could Have Been

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N: Thank you to my lovely friend and beta sparklingwand, and to my proof readers Twimoments and Melarimo. I love you girls more than I can ever say!**

**Thanks to my readers for nominating my story in the annual Glosp Awards for that I'm incredibly grateful! Voting is open until October 24th so please take the time and vote! **

**~x~**

**'What Could Have Been'**

Silent wishes left unspoken,

my heart once full of love, now lies broken.

What could have been, I know will never be.

So clear now, you've never belonged to me.

My heart once full of hope, is no longer able to cope,

when the bond between us has been so completely broke.

No, what could have been, between you and me, I know now will never be.

Written by: DreamsOfEdward1

**~x~**

**Chapter 9 (What Could Have Been)**

**~Jacob~**

I left work early today with every intention of getting home in time to meet this mysterious friend from Bella's past. I have been waiting for this moment for almost ten fucking years, just one small piece of her past.

_Is it really worth my effort anymore, _I thought to myself the closer I got to home.

Since I met Bella in college, she has been holding such a big part of herself back from me. I really believed in the beginning that if I just loved her enough, eventually she would come around and open up to me about whatever it is that caused her so much pain.

But that has been a fruitless dream of mine, because whatever has hurt her has left her damaged beyond repair, and frankly, I'm really fucking tired of chasing after an invisible ghost that she just can't let go of.

I just can't do it anymore. All I've ever really wanted was to make her happy, but it has become so clear to me that I will never be the right man for that job. He's out there somewhere and he doesn't even give a fuck, or he would have never let her go to begin with.

I know she loves me in her own way, but that just isn't enough for me anymore. Settling for second place isn't something I'm willing to do for the rest of my life. Especially now that I know what it feels like to really be loved and desired by someone.

I pulled off the highway just before reaching my exit and came to a stop on the side of the road. I shut off the car, and leaned my head back on the seat.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

I cringed.

_Running toward answers that I really already have?_

Bella will never allow herself to be a complete part of my life. I've known that for a long time, but recently the distance between us has been almost unbearable. Her nightmares have led to her talking in her sleep, which she hasn't done in years. I don't know if it's this friend that is coming to visit her or this Edward she keeps mumbling about in her sleep that is driving me more insane, but I need to find out.

_Why can't I just let her fucking go?_

A stream of hot tears began to fall down my cheeks. Reaching up to wipe them away, anger started to take over me. I had wasted so much fucking time trying to be what she needed, and it really pissed me the fuck off that there was someone out there that held her heart in the palm of his hands and threw it away as though it meant nothing.

My anger quickly shifted to guilt as Leah came to the forefront of my mind. Here I wanted to kill some mother fucker for having hurt Bella, and I was doing the same God damn thing. I'm holding on to her when I had unintentionally fallen in love with someone else. Bella is my best friend, maybe that's why I'm holding on so tight, but Leah has ignited a passion buried so deep inside me, I didn't even realize it existed.

I actually grew up with Leah Clearwater. We were very good friends and even tried dating a few times in high school. It just wasn't the right time for either one of us though, and we eventually lost touch with each other when we went off to different colleges.

A few months ago, however, we ran into each other again while I was out of town on a business trip where I had grown up in Phoenix. I won't lie. The moment I laid eyes on her beautiful russet skin, long flowing jet black hair and her big brown eyes, I immediately came undone. All of the emotions that I had pushed aside from when we were kids, exploded inside me. I realized there was a spark between us that had been there since we were kids, but I was too stupid then to understand what it meant.

(Flashback)

A soft gasp and a gentle electricity in the air alerted me to her before she even uttered my name.

"Jacob, is that really you?" I heard a melodic voice say from behind me.

I turned around, and I couldn't believe it was her. She had changed so much and yet so little since I'd last seen her. When I last saw her, she was a little girl on her way to womanhood. Now, standing before me was this gorgeous, tall, slender woman with legs that went for days. I instantly fantasized about those legs wrapped around my neck as I…fuck, she was amazing.

"Leah," I gasped. I stood to take her in my arms, and she came willingly.

In an instant, my wife was no longer in my thoughts. The air around us hummed with this immediate attraction between us. My whole fucking body was reacting to this beautiful woman standing here in my arms. I couldn't let her go, she felt so damn good.

"It's so good to see you," she whispered in my ear.

"I can't believe you're here," I replied.

She pulled back a little and looked me in the eyes. What I saw there evoked emotions in me that I had long thought were dead inside me. It was as though fate was giving us a second chance for happiness. Married or not, I wasn't going to let this moment pass me by.

"What are you doing here? Your dad told me you were living in California the last time I ran in to him," she said looking puzzled.

I wanted to smile just knowing that she had taken the time to ask about me, but I also wanted to kick my dad's ass for never mentioning that he had run into her.

"I do live in California. I'm just here on business."

"Oh, how long are you in town?" she asked.

"Just for tonight. I leave tomorrow morning."

"That's too bad. I was really hoping we'd have more time to catch up." Her face dropped and I could see the genuine sadness in her eyes. For a moment that angered me. Bella never looked like this when I left. Hell, she almost looked giddy, and here before me was this gorgeous creature, who actually wanted my company. Something was terribly wrong with that picture.

"I've missed you, Jacob. It's not been the same here without you," she whispered.

"Yes, me too," I sighed.

I wanted nothing more than a chance to get to know her again. I just wasn't ready for this moment to end. So I took her by the hand and pulled her to an empty table in the hotel bar and sat down beside her.

Our conversation flowed easily, and honestly, it was as though we had never been apart from each other. I was completely amazed at how at home I felt in her presence. In just a few short hours, she had managed to make feel as though I had been missing so much from my life.

Before I knew it, I realized it was nearly three in the morning, and the bar was closing up for the night. She stood to leave and every part of me wanted to beg her to stay and spend the rest of the night with me. Reality was that even though Bella had barely crossed my mind tonight, I was married and I just couldn't do that to her.

So I too stood and asked if I could at least walk her to her car. It was late and I would have been an ass if I didn't make sure this beautiful woman made it to her car safely. The problem was that once we reached her car, I found it incredibly difficult to let her leave.

There was a battle raging in my heart. Wrong verses right.

I started to think about all the pain that Bella had caused me over the years. How she has never really been there for me. How, no matter how hard I tried, she has always managed to make me feel like I was never enough for her emotionally or physically.

If I were to say goodbye to Leah now, I'll never know what I could be missing. I'll never know what it could actually feel like to be wanted and needed by someone.

"Jake, are you okay?" she asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

In that moment something took over me. I made the decision that I just couldn't let her walk out of my life again. I would have to deal with the consequences of my actions later, but right now I wanted her and nothing, not even my wife, was going to stop me from having her.

I looked at her and I'm sure my intentions were written all over my face, because she just smiled at me and placed her hands on my waist and pulled me to her.

"I've missed you so much, Jake." Her lips just inches from mine. I could feel her warm breath caress my face and it was so inviting. "I'm not ready to say goodbye to you again."

Any doubts I'd had up until that moment completely disappeared with her words. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her, and up until now, I've never known what that could feel like.

I reached out and took her face in my hands, running my thumbs across her cheekbones.

"I've missed you too. I didn't even know how much until just now."

I inhaled sharply when her tongue darted across her bottom lip. My mind went blank and my desire for her took control as our lips collided. The raw passion in that kiss was almost too much for me to take. There was no fucking way I was letting her get away from me now.

A hungry moan escaped her lips, and flooded my mouth, while our tongues fought for dominance over each other.

I pushed her back against the car, needing to feel her tight against my body. I had the urge to taste her, to envelope her, and I wanted nothing more than to have all of her wrapped around me as I made her scream in pleasure.

My teeth nipped down her jaw, leaving smalls red marks on her soft skin. I grabbed her leg and wrapped it around my hip, pushing my painful erection into her wet center. She gasped at the feel and her nails raked down my back as she leaned her head back on the car, giving me full access to her neck.

I made my way down her neck and collarbone only to suck her fucking perfect nipple into my mouth through her silk blouse. She cried out, and grabbed my head pulling me closer to her.

I moaned hungry for her naked body. I had never done anything like this before. I had never felt this type of raw desire. Bella and I had always been so pleasant during sex. Not that it was bad, but there was never this need like I was feeling right now. I needed Leah. I needed her like I needed air.

I snaked my fingers down her hips and slipped them up under her skirt. The heat that permeated down her thigh was so inviting. I cupped her hot center in my hand, palming her clit through her panties. My fingers traced the hem of her panties and I stopped.

I stood back, looking at this magnificent woman before me. Wanton desire rolled off of her for me. I knew that if I did this, there was no going back for me. I could never go back to a simple life with Bella when I knew this type of passion.

"Jacob," she murmured, "are you okay? I understand if we need to stop."

She licked her lips and just looked at me, waiting patiently for me to decide what I wanted. She had no hidden agenda, she didn't want to hurt me, but it was clear she felt for me what I did for her.

I sighed and closed my eyes, weighing my options.

Soon after, I was pulling her back into the hotel and up to my room, where I awoke the next morning after the most amazing experience of my life, lying naked in her arms.

(Flash Forward)

That day was a difficult one for so many fucking reasons. Having to say good bye to Leah was one of the hardest things I've ever done, until I came home and had to face Bella that is.

I'd told myself on the plane on the way home that day, that I was going to confess everything to her the moment I walked in the door. No matter what she'd done to me over the years, she didn't deserve this. It was just time for us to admit that it was over between us. One night with Leah showed me that.

The second I walked in the door, however and looked in Bella's eyes, I completely lost my nerve. So now here I am the chicken shit I never thought I'd be. I'm sneaking around behind my wife's back to see a woman that I'm so clearly in love with, while holding on to a wife who clearly doesn't love me.

I just can't seem to let Bella go. I know what I'm doing isn't fair to any of us but especially not her, but if I lose her I lose the one person in this world that understands me, even when I don't understand myself.

So what fucking right did I have to sit here in this damn car bitching about someone from Bella's past? I'm not even sure if this friend has any connection to the son of a bitch that demolished Bella's spirit, but I know its boiling inside me to know what the fuck he had done to her to break her like this.

I realize I'm doing the same fucking thing, but she has never loved me the way she loved _him_. I realize I need to come clean with her, she is the best friend I'd ever had, after all. I love her, even if she has never loved me the same way, and that is what makes this so difficult. Now here I am the dick holding on to her, when I should have walked away a long time ago and set her free.

With all of the thoughts of Leah, I feel a longing to connect with her. I pick up my cell phone and quickly text her a message telling her I miss her and I love her. Then I reached down and started the car again. It was time for me to man up and face my demons. I was resolved to tell Bella everything she needed to know, no matter the cost.

When I pulled in the driveway, it took several minutes to gain the strength to exit the car and make my way into the house. I was terrified over how much my life was about to change with my confession to my wife.

_It will all be for the best. I just can't allow us to live like this anymore._

I opened my front door and found Bella sitting on the couch in tears. She looked up at the sound of me closing the door.

My heart ached for her. She looked so broken, more so than usual. I longed to hold her, to take her pain away, and yet I was just planning to cause her more pain.

_God, I'm one fucked up asshole!_

_"_What's wrong, Bella_?" _I asked genuinely concerned.

She didn't say anything at first, but I could tell she'd been crying for awhile. Seeing her like this made it really difficult to think about telling her anything right now. My concern turned to anger because I was ready to get this shit out in the open. I wanted it to be over with.

Suddenly, I realized that I had completely forgotten the reason I had left work early to begin with. Her friend's visit. That must be the source of her tears.

"What happened? Where's your friend?"

"She's gone," she finally replied.

"Already? Did you two have a fight?"

"No, she came here today to give me some really bad news, but she couldn't stay."

More tears started to fall from her eyes, and I could tell she was having a difficult time even talking at this point. I walked over and sat down beside her on the couch and took her hand in mine.

"What did she say?" I asked.

She looked up at me, and it killed me to see the pain in her eyes, especially knowing that soon I would see it again, only this time it would be at my hands.

"She's very sick, Jake. She looked so frail," she wailed.

"She has some form of Leukemia, and apparently the doctors don't think there is much hope for her."

"Fuck, Bella, I'm so sorry." I really was even though I knew nothing about this girl. She had evidentially been a very important part of Bella's past. I fought the rage burning inside me. The fact that this one visit from her old childhood friend had this much impact on her pissed me off. Why had Bella never said a word about her before now? What secret lied there?

"So that's why she came, just to tell you this? Why, now after all this time?"

I didn't want to sound like a dickhead, but none of this made sense to me. She hasn't heard a word from this girl in twelve years, and suddenly she appears back in her life just to tell her she may be dying of cancer?

"No, that's not the only reason she came, I guess her husband..." she paused sobbing even harder and placing her head in her hands. It didn't escape me that the moment she mentioned this husband, more pain seemed to surface. What the hell was she hiding from me?

"Her husband, Edward, he's a doctor." she continued

_Edward, wait,_ _isn't that the name she repeatedly mentions in her sleep? _

I tried to remember. It couldn't be. She fucking told me she didn't know anyone named Edward.

My anger was surfacing. I could feel my hands begin to shake at the thought of Bella lying to me. Concealing a piece of her heart I could handle, but outright lying to me I can't. Why would she lie about her friend's husband?

"He's convinced her to have an experimental surgery next week to try and save her, and she's asked me to be there for the surgery."

"You didn't agree to go, did you?" I asked now furious with the thought that maybe Bella was tied to this Edward somehow. Was he the cause of all this fucking pain in her life?

"Jake, I have to go. How in the hell was I supposed to tell her no?"

"I don't know, but you could have at least discussed it with me before you just up and decided to go."

I was desperate to stop her from going. I don't even know why. I came home with the complete intention of telling her that I was in love with someone else, and here I was again desperately clinging to her instead of just letting her go.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that I would need your permission to go," she said coldly.

"I'm not fucking telling you that you needed my permission, Bella. All I said was it would have been nice if you had talked to me before you decided to run off and take care of someone else."

"She's not just someone else, she's my best friend, and she's sick. She needs me right now."

"What about what I need? Did you ever stop to think about that? No, of course you wouldn't. We both know what I need has never been a priority to you," I seethed.

"Where the fuck is this coming from, Jake? Is this all simply because I've decided on my own without consulting you first? I have a right to want to go back to Forks for a few damn days if I want too. I do have family there after all," she yelled.

"No, Bella, this is more about the fact that you feel the need to run off and take care of a friend you haven't seen in twelve fucking years instead of being here with your husband. I mean I can't help but think there's more to this than you're telling me, and as for your family, don't even try to pull that card on me sweetheart. I know how you avoid your father's calls."

This was getting ridiculous, I knew damn well that even if there was more to this than she was telling me, that she would never come clean about it. It was just pointless to try and stop her. She had made up her fucking mind she was going, and nothing I said was going to change that.

I stood, I needed to get out of this room, arguing with her wasn't doing either one of us any good. She was upset right now, I was pissed off, and arguing about it was just making it worse.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To take a shower. It's been a long damn day, and I need to relax."

"Don't you think we should talk about this more?" she groaned.

"No, I really don't see the point, Bella. You've made up your mind to go, and fighting about it isn't going to change that right?"

"No," she conceded. "It won't."

"Fine then. I'm going to shower. I'm tired and it's late."

I walked out of the room towards the bedroom. I needed to get away from her. I was so angry I didn't know what was going to come out of my mouth next, and now I was determined more than ever to find out who and what fucked her up so badly. I knew that if I let it slip to her that I was in love with someone else, I would never get the fucking answers I needed to be able to end this shit between us.

I pulled my phone and my keys out of my pocket and placed them on the dresser before heading into the bathroom. I noticed that I had a new text message waiting for me as I was sitting the phone down. I didn't bother to read it. It would have to wait until I got out of the shower.

I walked into the bathroom as Bella made her way into the bedroom. I closed the door behind me and locked it. I needed time to calm down. I wanted to feel bad about having added to her shitty ass day, but I just couldn't.

Deep down I knew all of this had nothing to do with the fact that she wanted to go home to be with her dying friend. My heart told me it had everything to do with this Edward. I found myself hating him and didn't even know if he was connected to her or not.

I couldn't help but wonder if he was the one she constantly dreamed about. It killed me to think he could have had with her, what I had longed for so long to have. Thinking about it just added to my fucking frustration.

I reached down and turned the water off, climbed out of the shower feeling no more relaxed than I had before I'd gotten in. I wondered out of the bathroom and noticed Bella was already in bed. I knew she wasn't asleep yet. She was pretending, like she does so often when she wants to avoid me.

This was her normal tactic when she was upset. She was really good at just completely shutting down. Early in our marriage, I tried to drag her out of her funks, now I know it's a waste of my time so I don't even try.

I was too tired to try and work this out tonight. We would have to deal with it in the morning. I grabbed a t-shirt and boxers out of my top dresser drawer, and looked at my cell phone, ready to read the new text I had missed. I figured I must have imagined the indicator light blinking earlier because it wasn't now, and I put it to the back of my mind. I had bigger things to worry about right now than a faulty phone.

I climbed into bed and reached up to shut the light off.

"Good night, Bella." I whispered.

She didn't say a word, just rolled over and faced away from me. I swore a heard her sniffling a few times, but knew it wouldn't do any good to try and talk to her right now. Instead I tossed and turned, trying to fall asleep. The more I lay there, the more I felt like shit but finally sleep did come.

I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock blaring in my ear. I reached up to shut it off, and noticed right away that Bella wasn't in bed.

This wasn't normal. Very rarely was she ever up before me. She wasn't in the bedroom or bathroom, so I wondered out to the kitchen thinking for sure I would find her drinking her coffee.

She wasn't there though. In fact she was nowhere in the house.

When I realized that her car was missing from the driveway, I panicked and ran back into the bedroom to find my phone so that I could call her. When I picked it up, I realized that it was once again flashing with a new text. I opened the text to read it and was shocked to see it was from Bella.

_Jacob, _

_"Looks like we've both had a past that's haunted us. It's time for me to face mine. Maybe you should consider doing the same thing...with Leah."_

_Goodbye, _

_B_

My heart sank, how the fuck did she know about Leah?


	10. Chapter 10 The Heart Won't Lie

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N Thank you so much to my Beautiful Friend and Beta SparklingWand, and my amazing proof readers Twimoments and Melarimo you guys are my heart!**

**Thanks so much to all the readers who have continued to stick by me on this journey, I appreciate each and everyone of you! Please leave some love!**

**~x~**

**The Heart Won't Lie**

Looking back over the years  
Of all the things I've always meant to say  
But words didn't come easily  
So many times through empty fears  
Of all of the nights I tried to pick up the phone  
So scared of who might be answering  
You try to live your life from day to day  
But seeing you across the room tonight  
Just gives me away  
Cause the heart won't lie  
Sometimes life gets in the way  
But there's one thing that won't change  
I know I've tried  
The heart won't lie  
You can live your alibi  
Who can see you're lost inside a foolish disguise  
The heart won't lie

By: Reba McEntire

~x~

**Chapter 10 (The Heart Won't Lie)**

**~Bella~**

It's kind of funny how much your life can change in a span of twenty-four hours. I never imagined when I woke up yesterday morning, that I would be boarding a plane bound for the one place I've been running from for so long.

I'd spent so much time over the last twelve years wondering where Edward was, whether or not he was okay, and if he was ever able to overcome those demons that seemed to haunt him. Now that I had my answers I couldn't help but think it had all been such a waste.

Up until yesterday, I guess there was still some hope left in me that at some point he really did love me, and wanted me just as much as I wanted him. But as I stood there and listened to my best friend tell me that she and Edward were married, I felt my breath escape me and knew instantly that I never really meant anything to him.

_All this time, I've been desperately chasing after a man who had never thought anything more of me than a stupid high school crush._

I placed my carry-on bag in the over head compartment and took my seat.

As if learning all that wasn't enough, I find out that the one man who ever really did give a shit about me was hiding a secret too! It was enough to nearly send me over the edge.

I knew I had no right to go through his texts last night, but I was so damn upset over him getting angry at me for wanting to go back to Forks for Alice's surgery, that I somehow felt justified in my actions. It wasn't something I'd done on a regular basis. In fact, I've never really been concerned about Jake lying to me about anything. I was always too wrapped up in my bullshit to worry about that.

Lately though, Jake has been so hot and cold with me that I couldn't help but feel there was something going on with him that he wasn't telling me. I noticed he kept his phone close by and was checking it more frequently. I figured if I wanted to really know what was going on with him that would be the first place to start.

Upon reading that one single text from her, all my questions were answered for me in the blink of an eye.

I knew I'd heard Jake mention the name Leah before, but it was only once and a long time ago. He had never mentioned her since, so I never imagined that this girl was a more important part of his past. After reading the text, however, it became clear that I was wrong about that. She was important.

I didn't have much time before he got out of the shower, so I quickly knelt on the floor, and pulled his box of old high school yearbooks from under the bed. I went through several finding nothing, not even a picture of this girl. When I opened up the last one, however, a folded note fell out onto the floor in front of me. I picked it up and unfolded it. I was stunned to see that it was from her.

After reading its contents, I realized that she was to Jake, what Edward had always been to me- a love that he was never willing to let go of. The difference for him though, according to the text I'd read from her, was that apparently, this Leah really did love him too. It killed me to know that I would never get a happy ending like that.

After sliding the note back in the yearbook and placing the box back under the bed, I shut the light off and climbed into bed. The last thing I wanted was to confront Jake about any of this.

I was angry at first, but quickly realized that it had all been my fault. If I had been there for Jake the way a real wife should have been, maybe he would have never sought out this girl from his past.

When he came out of the bathroom, I laid there in bed, pretending to be asleep. I felt him crawl in beside me and whisper goodnight, but I couldn't respond. So I just rolled over and stared at the wall. Suddenly, all of emotions that I'd kept bottled up for so long came flooding to the surface and with them all the tears that I'd yet to cry.

I lay there beside him listening to him sleep. I found myself reflecting on every shitty mistake I had made in my life. I realized that I should have never tied Jake down all this time in the first place. I knew from the beginning that I would never love him the way he deserved to be loved, but I had been too selfish to care.

After all of this became clear to me, I knew there was only one thing for me to do now. It was time to do the right thing and set him free. I was the only one with the power to let him live his life and find the happiness he needed…deserved. There was just no point in keeping him bound to me anymore when he had found what I had always dreamed of.

You would think that walking out of that door would have been one of the easiest decisions I'd ever made. It wasn't though, it was far from it. I never loved Jake the way I'd spent half my life loving Edward, but I did love him, and he really was the only friend I've had for a very long time. I was going to miss him terribly.

With that thought, tears filled my eyes. I was terrified for the first time in ten fucking years. I was on my own again, and in just a few short hours, I was going to be facing the past that has haunted me for so long, head on.

I wasn't angry with Alice for having married the one man on earth that I ever really loved. I honestly couldn't blame her. However, knowing that Edward had chosen her to share his past and present with, broke my already shattered heart.

It was just hard to believe that I'd read him so wrong back then. That all that time we'd spent together in high school never led to anything more than my broken heart. My heart had always told me that he loved me the same way I had loved him, but my head told me I was a fool and nothing more than a simple toy to him. It looks like my head was right.

_How could I have been so wrong?_

Traitorous tears streamed down my cheeks, as I looked out the window of the plane.

I reached up to wipe them away, when I heard the woman sitting next to me ask if I was okay, while handing me a tissue.

"Yes, thank you," I replied taking the tissue from her and trying to feign a smile.

"Okay, as long as you're sure. I'm a very good listener if you need a friend" she said smiling back.

"Thank you," I said again.

Her eyes were filled with genuine concern. I knew I would never see this woman again, but I didn't feel the need to air my dirty laundry to her either. I nodded and gave her the most generic answer I could muster.

"I'll be fine. I just had to say said goodbye to a very good friend."

"Saying good-bye is never easy, but sometimes it's necessary. Like cleaning out a closet, you must let go of the old to prepare for the new. I know you'll miss your friend, but what's in store for you will overshadow that friendship entirely," she predicted.

I felt chill bumps trickle down my back. It almost felt like this woman knew something I didn't yet.

I thanked her for her kindness and turned to look out the window one last time before laying my head back and dozing off. The last thing I remembered was the plane taking off.

"Miss!" I heard someone say, while shaking my arm trying to wake me.

"I'm sorry," I said yawning, realizing we had landed.

"No problem. We've just landed in Port Angeles," the flight attendant responded.

I quickly stood, grabbing my bag from where I'd placed it in the overhead compartment, and hesitantly exited the plane.

Walking out of the airport, it crossed my mind that the last time I'd been here was the day I'd left for college. Not a whole lot had changed since that day, except for maybe a few new worry lines on my face. I was still that same young, broken girl at heart.

The cab ride went by relatively quickly, considering it was at least an hour ride to Forks from Port Angeles. I was in no hurry to get where I was going. In fact, with each passing mile, I was losing my nerve and was tempted to tell the cab driver to turn around.

_Where would I go,_ _there's nothing else out there for me now. _

The minute the cab turned on Alice's street, my heart started beating out of my chest. Knots began to form in the pit of my stomach and I could feel the bile slowly rising into my throat.

Instantly, I was filled with regret. This may, without a doubt, turn out to be the biggest mistake I've made yet. What the hell would I even say to Edward after all this time? I had no idea what my reaction would be to seeing him again, and that scared the shit out of me.

When the car came to a stop, I just sat there unable to move. I noticed several cars in the driveway, and had no idea if one of them belonged to him or not.

"You gettin out or not, lady?" the cab driver asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, give me a second," I growled.

I took one last deep breath, exited the car, and grabbed the one bag I'd brought with me. I made my way up the walkway towards the house, and every step I took felt like a monumental task.

Just as I reached the front door and was about to knock, the door was flung open, and my heart practically jumped out of my chest. Someone came rushing out the door and nearly collided into me.

I was too afraid to look up, but I didn't have to see him to know it was _him_ that was standing right in front of me. Even after all this time, I could feel him. His mere presence sent my body into overload. All of the anger and resentment I had for him dissipated instantly, and I felt the urge to reach out and touch him.

"Bella," he gasped, causing me to look up at him for the first time.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't even move. I just stood there staring at him. He was just as magnificent as he was back then. His hair was in perfect disarray sticking out every which way just like it used to, when he would constantly run his fingers through it. His body a stunning work of art that I had to force myself not to stare at, confirming he hadn't changed a bit.

My heart lurched out of my chest when I looked in those brilliant green eyes of his. I nearly lost it because all I could see was pain staring right back at me.

"Edward," I whispered with tears in my eyes.

He reached his hand up and wiped away the tears falling down my cheek. His hand was so soft and tender. I closed my eyes and held my breath trying to control my emotions.

My breath hitched as his thumb trailed over my cheekbone. His touch sent shivers right down to my very core. It was amazing after all this time how he still affected me. Without even thinking about it, I found myself moving closer to him.

I noticed he made no effort to remove his hand from my face as I moved towards him. Instead he brought his other hand up and cupped my face in his hands. His fingertips wrapping around the back of my head as his thumbs slowly traced my cheeks. I opened my eyes to see him staring intently at me.

"Bella?" His face looked relaxed but also confused. He looked as though he were trying to convince himself that I was really here.

Looking up at him, I noticed he too had tears in his eyes. So I mimicked his movements and reached my hand up to wipe his tears away. I desperately wanted to touch him, and as I did, a small sob escaped his lips.

He moved his hands from my face without a word and wrapped them around me. I melted into him as he pulled me tightly to him and buried his face in my hair.

"Fuck, angel, I can't believe you're really here," he softly whispered in my ear.

"Me either," I choked out, holding him closely, too afraid to let him go. I just knew if I released him he would disappear like he always did in my dreams, and I couldn't bear that thought at the moment.

I balled my fist into the back of his shirt, gripping him tighter, holding him to me. He didn't seem to mind. I could feel his heart racing against my chest, beating in time with mine. His fingers trailed down my spine, rubbing my back gently but holding me as close as he could.

I didn't care in that moment what had happened between us in the past, or what his true feelings for me were. With him holding me like this, it was as if we'd been transported back to a time before all the pain had set in. Back before all the horrible choices we'd made, back to where we simply loved each other and nothing in the world could touch that.

I didn't want it to end, and I wanted to stay here wrapped in his arms forever.

I leaned back once more wanting to see his beautiful face. Looking in his eyes again, I noticed the look of pain that had laced his face before, had now transformed into one of longing. This confused the shit out of me, what was he longing for? It couldn't possibly be me, could it?

_No, that can't be possible! He's married to Alice, he loves her_.

I watched as his face inched towards mine, his lips slightly trembling as they neared my face. My body filled with anticipation, with want, desire, and pure need to feel his lips touch mine.

Our moment was broken when Alice stepped out the front door and noticed me standing there. I immediately came to my senses, feeling sick for what I had wanted to just do. I reluctantly stepped away from Edward and snapped back into reality completely.

I felt my body go numb at the loss of his touch and watched, as he practically had to force his hands to his side to keep from pulling me back to him.

"Bella!" she screamed, running towards me, pulling my attention from Edward, and wrapping her arms around me.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with shock in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm early, but some things happened last night between Jake and me, and I had nowhere else to go," I said as tears filled my eyes again.

"What things?" she asked. I opened my mouth to reply when I noticed Edward's facial expression shift from tenderness to pure anger.

"Alice, when were you going to tell me, you've been in touch with Bella?" Edward growled.

"It's a long story, E. Besides, it doesn't really matter now that she's here, does it?" she replied.

He didn't respond, and now I was even more confused, had Alice not told him that she'd been to see me, and if not, why?

"Come on, Bella, let's go inside, so we can talk more," she said, pulling me towards the front door.

"Edward, you're staying now, right?" she asked him smiling as we passed.

Again he didn't respond, he just followed us in the house, shutting the door behind him. Jasper was sitting on the couch in the living room when we entered, and immediately stood when he saw me.

"Jesus Christ, Bella, it's good to see you!" he exclaimed, pulling me in for a huge hug.

This surprised me, as Jasper was never the touchy feely type in high school. He was always reserved, never letting any emotions out. I always thought back then that whatever had happened to Edward must have affected him as well, because he always appeared sad and withdrawn. He seemed so different now, happy even.

"Jasper, let her sit, I'm sure she's tired," Alice lovingly scolded him. My confusion deepened looking at them. If I didn't know better I would have thought I was in Jasper and Alice's home by the way they acted with each other. It didn't make sense. She was married to Edward, but he was distant, while Jasper was warm and loving towards her.

"Of course," he replied backing away from me with a huge smile on his face.

I made my way to the couch to sit, not because I was tired, but because the last several minutes had stirred so many emotions in me. I was afraid I might faint at any moment.

Alice moved to sit right beside me taking my hand in hers.

Jasper sat on the other side of Alice, nearly attached to her. I couldn't help but notice Edward standing back in the corner of the room watching us. Something wasn't right here. You could almost feel the tension rolling off of him. Why was he acting like a stranger in his own home?

"Edward, please sit down your creeping me out," Alice begged.

It took a few moments, but slowly he made his way to the chair directly across from us and sat down still staring, and still not speaking a single word. I turned towards Ali, and away from his glare to ask her how she was feeling.

"I'm okay right now, just a little tired. It was a long night last night." she said looking towards Jasper and smiling.

The way that Jasper smiled back at Alice, told me there was something that I was missing. I made a mental note to ask Alice about it later when we were alone. As we all sat there, the tension between everyone almost became too much to bear.

Jasper suddenly stood saying he had to get to the hospital for his shift, and apologizing that he had to leave so soon.

"It's okay, Jasper. I won't be able to stay for very long anyway. I promised my dad I would have lunch with him before his shift. It's been a long time since I've seen him," I said smiling.

He pulled me in for another hug telling me how great it was that I was back in town, and asked if I would be staying long.

"For a few days at least, I've come for Alice's surgery," I replied.

"How did you know about that?" he asked confused.

Apparently Alice was full of secrets, and not wanting to give it away that she'd been to see me. Obviously she was hiding that from them for a reason. I replied Charlie told me and left it at that, again making a mental note to ask Alice about it later.

"Okay, I'm sure I'll see you later then," Jasper said.

He smiled at me and then turned to Alice. "Get some rest. I'll be back later to check on you," he whispered to her as he leaned in and kissed her sweetly. My eyes immediately darted to Edward's direction. He sat there cold and distant but made no move to stop his brother from kissing his wife.

_What the fuck happened in the last twenty-four hours?_

I was so confused my head was spinning.

Jasper waved goodbye as he made his way to the door.

Once Jasper was gone, a tense silence took over the room, until finally Alice cleared her throat and broke the tension in the air.

"Bella, is everything okay?" she questioned.

I was torn, not completely sure if my problems with Jake was something I wanted to be discussing in front of Edward, but the more I thought I about it, the more I realized none of it would really matter to him any way.

Aside from the weird moment that just occurred, he was still married to Alice after all. What the hell did he care what was happening in my life? The thought of that angered me beyond belief, and it took everything I had in that moment to keep control over my emotions. I didn't want him to see what he had done to me all these years.

"Alice, Jake and I had a terrible fight last night," I replied trying to hold back the tears that were now threatening to surface.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I heard a low gasp come from Edward, as he placed his head in his hands. He hadn't said a word since we'd stepped foot in the house, just sat there staring at me. This was the first sign of any reaction he'd had at all, and I wanted to ask him what the hell he was thinking, but still didn't trust my actions when it came to him.

When I'd first seen Edward outside, it was easy to forget for a brief moment everything bad that had happened between us, but it didn't take long for reality to set in. The more I sat here with the two of them, knowing that they were together, the harder it became to hide the pain and anger that I'd held inside for so long.

"He couldn't accept that I'd made the decision to come back to Forks for your operation," I replied bitterly, with the memory of last night coming to the surface.

"I don't understand. You mean you got into an argument over me?" she asked bringing her hand up to cup her mouth in shock.

Tears began to fill her eyes, with the thought that she may have been the cause of the argument between us. I swiftly explained to her that I was sure it was never about her to begin with. I knew he had just used that as an excuse, and I didn't really understand myself the full reason why Jacob became so upset when I told him I was coming here.

"I'm sure it was simply that I'd made a decision to come here without consulting him first that upset him," I replied knowing myself that there was way more to it than that.

"That's why you left?" she asked skeptically.

Everything that had happened last night suddenly began to surface, bringing forth the tears that I'd been fighting so hard to conceal.

"No, it's what happened later, after the argument had happened, that enforced my decision to leave."

I noticed Edward's head pop up. He looked like he could kill someone, and I couldn't figure out what had brought on his anger all of a sudden.

"Bella, what happened?" Alice whispered, now sounding very concerned.

Edward scooted further up in his seat, staring at me intently. I felt as though he were watching a movie that he didn't want to miss a second of. His eyes followed my lips, as though he were trying to make sure he heard every word that was about to come out of my mouth. He was really starting to piss me off. It was bullshit that suddenly he seemed so concerned about me and my problems.

"Ali, it's a long story, but let's just say that things have been strained between Jake and I for a long time. Only it's gotten worse lately, which led me to believe there was a reason for the sudden change. So after our argument, I became the nosey wife that I told myself I'd never be, and searched Jake's texts for any answers I might find there."

I cringed at the memory of reading Leah's text, and more tears began to fall.

"So, did you find the answers you were searching for?" she questioned as she scooted towards me on the couch and placed her arm around me.

"Yes, unfortunately, I did. There was a text from an old girlfriend of his named Leah, only she doesn't appear to be such an old girlfriend now. Apparently he's been seeing her behind my back, and it looks like they may be in love with each other." I cried, placing my head in my hands.

Edward actually growled at my response. He hastily stood up, and started pacing the floor in front of us, running his hands through his hair just like he did when we were younger. It was something he'd always done when he was upset about something, and I had no idea what he was so upset about right now.

"You mean he's cheating on you?" Alice asked stunned.

"Yes. I didn't stick around to learn the details though. I just couldn't face him after that. So I waited until he fell asleep, packed everything that meant anything to me in one simple bag, and left before he woke up."

The room was silent for a moment. Edward paced the floor like a mad man fighting to keep his sanity, tears streamed down Alice's face, and my emotions were now a huge elephant in the room.

Edward stopped and stared at me. He jerked slightly as if he were about to lurch at me when my cell phone started ringing startling me. I pulled it from my pocket and looked at the screen. It was Jake. I couldn't answer_. _I didn't even know what I would say to him if I did. I just sat there staring at the screen, tears sliding down my cheeks, wondering how the hell my life got so fucked up. Alice leaned into me and laid her head on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Bells, but I'm so glad you finally came home though," she cried.

"Me too," I sobbed, because despite every risk I took of having my heart broken even more by coming here, I finally did feel at home again for the first time in twelve years, here with my best friend.

Edward's eyes looked like they were on fire. I had to divert my eyes from his gaze, because he was burning a hole straight though to my soul. So many emotions stared back at me. I was confused trying to figure them all out.

He disappeared down the hall for a few minutes and shortly after he came back with a box of tissues in his hand. He handed it to me without a word. My hand felt like it had ignited when his fingers purposely touched mine. My breath hitched when I looked in his eyes and was transported back in time to the night I walked in on him and Jessica.

That was the last time I ever saw him, the pain and desperation on his face as I walked out the door that night had been ingrained in my heart all these years. I would be lying if I said it didn't make me want to take him in my arms and erase his pain, but I couldn't do that, not now. The fact that I was even worried about his pain pissed me off even more. I suddenly felt the need to get out of here for awhile, before I actually did something I would seriously regret.

"Ali, you look really tired, I should go and let you get some rest. I'll call a cab to take me to my dad's house," I said pulling my phone out again.

"No!" I was startled by the sound of Edward's voice. It was the first time since we'd been in the house that he had spoken.

"No?" I questioned looking up at him.

"I mean, no, I can take you. There's no need for you to call a cab," he whispered.

"That's not necessary," I replied hastily. The thought of being alone with Edward in a car wasn't something I felt I could handle at this point.

"Please, Bella, let me take you!" he pleaded.

"It's okay, Bells, let him take you. It's better than waiting for a cab," Alice nudged me.

It took me a moment to decide, but reluctantly I agreed. I turned towards Alice hugging her and assuring her I would see her tomorrow.

"I really am so happy you're here, Bells," she said. She looked at me and then turned towards Edward, hugging him goodbye. She whispered something in his ear and smiled sadly. Watching them interact like this, made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to change my mind about getting in the car with him in that instant, but knew it was too late for that now.

"Promise me, you'll get some rest, Alice," he said pulling away from her, as he turned to me and asked if I was ready to go.

"Yes, let's go," I replied reluctantly, stepping out the front door.

In the driveway there were two cars, and I instantly made my way to the black Audi R8. I knew there was no way in hell Edward was driving the Volvo parked next to it.

_That must be Alice's car._

Edward had always had a weakness for fast, expensive sports cars, Hell, it was hard not to remember the very first time I'd seen him. He and Jasper had pulled up at school driving that silver Mustang Fastback. That car was his life. I didn't think he'd ever part with it.

"You actually gave up your Mustang?" I questioned as he opened the car door for me.

"Not hardly, angel. It's in the garage." He smiled that crooked grin of his and nodded towards the back of the house.

Every time he called me angel, it broke down my defenses against him. So many times since we'd been apart, I'd imagined lying in his arms as he whispered that in my ear. God, it was so hard to be this close to him and yet so far away. Part of me wanted desperately to say the hell with all the pain and misery he'd caused me and claim him as mine right here.

_He wasn't mine though, he was hers._

"Of course, I should have known better," I said as I slipped into the passenger seat, still lost in my thoughts.

"Yeah, you should have, that car has way too many memories for me to ever part with it," he winked as he closed the door.

It did have _some_ memories, I thought as I waited for him to get in the car. Although we'd never gone all the way, there were many times in that car we came pretty damn close. The mere thought of those times, made parts of me come alive that I thought were long dead.

Once in the car, he looked over at me and the playful expression that danced in his beautiful green eyes only moments ago was gone, replaced once again by sadness and longing. I instinctively reached up and placed my hand on his cheek and gave him a sad smile. He closed his eyes at my touch and leaned his head into my hand sighing heavily. I had to get a grip on myself, because if I didn't, I was going to do something I knew I'd regret later.

I quickly removed my hand from his face, and turned to look out the window, tears threatening to come once again. _Why in the hell is it so easy for him to control me like this_, I seethed as the rage took over. I was so damn glad we weren't far from my dad's house. I wouldn't be able to handle much more of this.

"Can we please just go now?" I begged him.

Without a word, he started the car and pulled out of the driveway. The tension in the air around us was thick, and the silence between us was about to drive me insane, when suddenly he cleared his throat.

"Bella, how did you end up with someone like this Jacob? He sounds like a fucking ass if you ask me."

Was he seriously asking me this? What right did he have to question who I ended up with? I was furious.

"Well, I don't recall asking you, Edward," I replied bitterly.

"Please don't be angry. I'm just trying to understand why you would choose to marry someone like that," he said.

"Well, for starters, he wasn't like that when I married him. He was kind and loving, and he was my best friend. You should know all about marriage and best friends, right, Edward? Honestly, why do you care anyway? You should be focusing on the fact that your wife is sick and maybe dying."

"I know my wife is sick, Bella, I don't need you to remind me of that. I've been living it every day since we found out. Every damn day I'm faced with the fact that the one person besides my brother who gives a shit about me is going to die, and there isn't anything I can do to stop it from happening. It breaks my heart that once again I'll be alone, and that I've never been capable of being what she needed, because I'll never feel complete without..."

I watched as Edward fisted his hair. I reached up and took his hand placing it back in his lap. My heart was aching for this broken man. Part of me wanted to slap him, the other part of me wanted to hold him and keep him from the world he was facing.

"Without what, Edward?" I whispered.

Silence ensued as we pulled in front of my old house. It didn't look much different than the last time I'd seen it except for maybe a new coat of paint. Otherwise, everything was exactly the same. My father must have heard us pull up, because he was already descending the porch steps to approach the car.

He had aged so much since I'd last seen him. It nearly took my breath away to look at him. He had worked so hard to change after I left, and I'd done nothing but avoid him every time he'd made an effort to be close to me. I was so ashamed at how I had treated him.

Edward shut the car off, and quickly turned towards me, "There's so much I need to say to you, Bella. Please say you'll give me a chance to explain everything before you leave again," he pleaded, grabbing my hand as I reached for the door handle.

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward, I promise you," I said reaching up to cup his face because I desperately needed him to believe me. I needed his answers just as much as it seemed he needed to give them to me. He placed his hand over mine, holding me to him. My heart leapt in my chest as I felt his lips slightly touch my wrist. He inhaled deeply closing his eyes, refusing to let go of me.

"Edward," I gently whispered. His eyes opened and I was startled. Beyond the pain, beyond the hurt, there was something else there. I had to be imagining this. It wasn't possible.

I quickly pulled away, opened the car door, and stepped out into the waiting arms of my father.


	11. Chapter 11 Break Away

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N Thank you to my friend and Beta SparklingWand and to my beautiful proofreaders Twimoments and Melarimo. You guys are my heart!**

**~x~**

**Break Away**

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance make a change and breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance make a change and breakaway.

**Kelly Clarkson**

**~x~**

**Chapter 11 (Break Away)**

**~Bella~ **

As I stood there wrapped in the arms of my father, I watched as Edward started his car, gave me one last sad smile, backed out of the driveway, and disappeared down the street.

The moment his car left my line of site, I felt a terrible sense of loss sweep over me. Now that I had seen him again, it was very difficult to let him just drive away from me like this.

"Bells, I'm so happy you're finally home," my dad said, pulling me from my thoughts of literally running after Edward's car. I pulled away to look at him.

"Me too, dad, it's been too long. I didn't realize how much I'd missed everyone until now," I replied.

"Let's get you inside, so we can talk more," he said wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to his side and up the porch steps.

Once inside, I sat my bag down at the bottom of the stairs and wandered into the living room. It was incredible. Everything was exactly the same as when I'd left.

"Dad, haven't you ever thought about redecorating?"

I knew the answer before it even come out of his mouth. He would never change things, not just because of me, but because everything reminded him of her, my mother. It was exactly as she had left it, when she walked out on us all those years ago.

Renee had never been cut out to be a mother to me, much less a wife to Charlie. I can still remember the night she left as though it were yesterday.

She'd come into my room to say good night to me. Tears fell from her face as she hugged me to her.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she kept chanting over and over again, as she rocked me back and forth. Her tears trickled down her cheeks onto mine. I couldn't understand why my mother was so sad.

"What's wrong, mommy?" I remember asking her but got no reply. She just kissed my cheeks, and hugged me one last time. I remember the feel of my mother stroking my hair as she tucked me in to bed without a word. She turned off the light and left my room. I had no idea, only being five years old, that she was really saying goodbye.

It didn't take long to figure it out though, when I'd come down stairs the next morning to find my father still sitting on his knees sobbing, in front of the door she had left from hours before. That's the day my father started drinking, and the gambling followed shortly after.

Neither my father nor I heard from my mother again, except an occasional birthday card that would appear in the mail. I'd asked him many times when I was younger why she'd left. He'd just simply reply, "Your mother was a free spirit, who couldn't be held down by anything or anyone, kiddo. But never think she didn't love you, because she did."

Now being a grown woman myself, it's hard to imagine she could have loved me and walked out the way she did. Real mothers just didn't do that shit their kids.

"So you gonna tell me what happened between you and Jake?" he asked as he motioned for me to sit on the couch. "You know he's called here a dozen or so times looking for you this morning. You should call him to let him know you're okay."

"I just can't right now, Dad. Too much damage has been done. I need to sort things out before I call him."

"Just because the two of you had a fight, Bells, doesn't mean you should ignore him, and let him worry about where you are, and if you're okay."

"It wasn't just a fight, Dad. Jake's been seeing someone else. He's been cheating on me," I said sounding annoyed.

The memories of finding her text on his phone last night filled my mind, causing the pain to resurface all over again. I didn't want to think about Jake or my marriage right now. I needed time to figure out exactly what to say to him when I did talk to him. I really couldn't condemn him completely. Again, all of this was really my fault. I'd never been what he needed, and that would probably push anyone into doing what he did.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I had no idea you guys were having these kinds of problems."

"It's okay, Dad, really. Can we just talk about something else please?"

"Okay, then why don't you tell me why Edward Cullen dropped you off here then? I thought that ship had sailed long ago, but from the look in his eyes I'd say I was wrong."

"Dad, you aren't wrong. Trust me. I told you I was going to see Alice when I got here."

"Yeah, what does that have to do with Edward?"

"How can you live in this small town and not know that Alice and Edward are married? Edward offered to give me a ride here, so that I wouldn't have to call a cab that's all."

"Bella, regardless of whether or not they are married, I saw the way the two of you looked at each other, and frankly, honey, it worries me. I can't just forget what he did to you all those years ago."

I placed my head in my hands. All of this shit was really starting to wear on my nerves. I wanted nothing more than to believe that Edward still had feelings for me. Even though I knew it was wrong to want that. He was bound to my best friend, and she was sick. Now that I'd seen him, actually touched him...I wanted him more now than ever before.

"Dad," I groaned, "those things happened a long time ago, and none of it matters anyway. Edward is married to Alice. I mean nothing to him."

"How is Alice anyway?" he said putting his arm around me and thankfully changing the subject.

"Not very well. She looks even weaker today than she did yesterday when I saw her. I'm so worried she doesn't have much time left," I said sadly.

He lifted my chin with his fingers, and placed a peck on my cheek. "Then I guess it's good you'll be here for her, because she'll need you now more than ever."

We spent the rest of the afternoon much the same way, just talking. I knew he needed that, and honestly, so did I. Before I knew it, he was leaving for his overnight shift at the station, and I was left alone for the first time since I'd arrived here this morning.

It had been a long day, and I wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and get some sleep. I hadn't slept much at all the night before, and the weight of everything that had happened over the last twenty four hours was taking its toll on me.

Just as I was about to make my way up the stairs to my room, I heard the phone ringing in the kitchen. I debated on whether or not to answer it, fearful that it might be Jake, secretly cursing my father for never having gotten caller ID.

Against my better judgment I made my way into the kitchen and picked up the receiver. It was probably just my dad calling to say goodnight anyway. I had already worked up the nerve to text Jake and ask him to respect my wishes for some time. I didn't get a response from him, but assumed he got my message.

"Hello," I said.

"Bella, it's me." I heard his velvety voice whisper. Edward was the last person I expected to be calling and an immediate sense of dread washed over me. My first thought was maybe something was wrong with Alice.

"Edward, is Alice okay?" I asked sounding panicked.

"She's fine. Jasper's with her." he said sighing heavily in the phone.

Jasper, why would he be with her and not Edward? None of this made sense. Earlier today the way Jasper and Alice acted in front of Edward, all seemed so confusing. It was as if they were married, and Edward was just the brother hanging out. Someone needed to give me some answers.

"Edward, what do you mean 'Jasper's with her'? Why wouldn't you be with your wife?" I asked puzzled.

"I told you today, angel, there's a lot of things we need to talk about, and that's really why I'm calling. I'd like to see you tomorrow, is that alright?"

I wanted answers from him. I needed them like I needed air to breathe. I just didn't know if I was prepared for what those answers might be, despite this, however, there was no way I would refuse to see him. He had just left me hours before, and I missed him already, more than words could say. I wanted to tell him to come now, that I didn't want to wait, but I couldn't find the courage to tell him that.

"I'd like that... Yes," I choked out, sounding entirely too desperate.

There was a long pause, and I could hear him breathing but he wasn't saying anything. I pictured him sitting there pinching the bridge of his nose like he'd always done when he was stressed about something.

"Edward, are you there? Is everything okay?"

"I'm here... I was just thinking how much I wish I didn't have to wait until tomorrow to see you. It's hard, knowing you're so close…," he trailed off.

I couldn't help but smile at his words. It was kind of a confirmation for me that he wanted to see me just as much as I needed to see him. So I reached deep down inside and found the strength to respond.

"Then don't...," my voice barely audible, whispered.

"I'm sorry," he groaned. "I don't have a choice. I'm stuck at the hospital until tomorrow morning,"

"Oh...uhmm, it's okay. I really need to get some sleep anyway. It's been a long day," I said trying to hide my disappointment.

"I promise I'll be there as soon as my shift is over in the morning, is that okay?" he asked.

"Yes, that's fine." I replied. "I'll see you in the morning, Edward."

"Okay, angel. Good night."

"Good night," I whispered as I hung up the phone and stumbled towards the stairs. I was exhausted, and I still needed to shower. Just as I made it up the stairs there was a knock at the front door. _That couldn't possibly be Edward. _I thought we just hung up, and he said he was at the hospital.

I padded back down the stairs and opened the front door to find Jake standing there looking at me with fury in his eyes. I wasn't prepared for this. I just stood there in shock.

"Jake, what are you doing here?"

"I think we need to talk, don't you?" he responded, pushing past me and walking into the living room.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea right now," I said closing the front door hesitantly.

"Bella, you run out on me in the middle of the night, and you don't think it's a good idea for us to talk. I think I deserve an explanation, don't you?" he growled.

"An explanation, are you kidding me, Jake? No, I don't think I owe you anything. Not after what you've done!" I screamed at him, my blood was boiling over with anger. How dare he come here and treat me like this? I'm not the one who cheated, he is!

His shoulders slumped and the anger in his eyes dissipated immediately, and was replaced with sorrow. He reached up with his hand, trying to touch my cheek, and I smacked it away.

"Don't touch me!" I scolded. He placed his hand back at his side and sat down, placing his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry, Bella, please let me explain." he begged.

"I don't think there's much left to say. Why did you even come here? You've obviously moved on. Are you actually going to sit here and try to tell me that you're not in love with this Leah? I read your texts, Jake. I know what you've been doing with her behind my back! So why are you here?"

"Because I owed you an explanation, and because I needed answers myself, Bella. Please don't act all innocent now that you know I've been unfaithful, because as far as I'm concerned, your heart has never been in this marriage. Now I know before you even say it, that's no excuse for what I've done, but like it or not, your coldness towards me and this marriage, is what drove me into Leah's arms.

"Since the very first day I met you, Bells, I've done nothing but love you, even though I knew from the beginning, that my love would never be enough for you. I mean did you honestly believe that I couldn't see that your heart has always belonged to someone else? Did you think I would never get tired of chasing after this ghost from your past? A man can only take so much rejection, Bella. I know I should have walked out long before any of this happened, but I just couldn't. Why, because believe it or not, I never lost hope that someday you would get past this... this, whatever it is that's happened to you, and move on with me."

I moved to sit beside him on the couch, because no matter how much I wanted to hate him right now for what he'd done, I just couldn't. He was right about all of it...everything I'd done in this marriage had drove him to her. I looked up into his tear-filled eyes, "I'm so sorry, Jake, you're right. I've never been what you deserved," I cried taking his hand in mine.

"You have a right to know everything, I owe you that. Please know it was never my intention to hurt you, Jake. I guess maybe I always hoped that I could move on too, but I should have admitted to you a long time ago that moving on...just wasn't possible, not with you, because I just couldn't stop loving him... inside I've always belonged to him."

"Who, Bella, who is it?"

"Edward….you were right, it's always been him, Jake, and I had no right to hold you down all these years knowing that," I said sobbing.

"You have every right to want happiness, and to belong to someone completely. If you have that with her, I will never keep you from that. If I can do anything at all to make any of this right, it's that. You deserve that kind of love, Jake."

Before I knew it, the sun was coming up. We'd spent most of the night crying in each other's arms and confessing everything. As we fell asleep on the couch together, for the first time in a very long time, I knew everything was going to be okay. At least it would be between Jake and me. We finally understood everything about each other, and we could part now without all the anger and bitterness.

_Maybe we could actually be friends, _I thought. Suddenly there was a knock on the front door. Jumping up in a rush, I startled Jake, and he sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I remembered that it would be Edward standing on the other side of that door. Although I wanted more than ever to see his beautiful face, I was too frightened to open the door. I really didn't know what Jake's reaction to him would be, now that he knew Edward was the man who had kept me from loving him all these years.

"Are you going to answer the door?" he asked standing up.

I just stood there unable to speak, contemplating what I should do. Jake looked at me and shook his head. "I'll get it then," he chuckled, walking towards the front door.

He swung it open, and there stood Edward. I was frantically trying to get myself under control while they just stared at each other for a moment, not saying a word. Finally, Edward cleared his throat.

"Who the hell are you?" Edward growled.

"I think the better question is, who the hell are you?" Jacob replied angrily.

"Jacob, this is Edward," I said sliding in between them.

"What's he doing here Bella, after everything you told me about him last night, why in the fuck would you give him the time of day?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Edward screamed moving me to the side and planting himself right in front of Jake"

Jacob turned grabbing Edward's shirt collar and shoving him hard against the wall, "It means after all the fucking pain that you've caused her, I'm not sure I understand why she's been willing to throw her entire life away for you.

"All this god damn time I've spent loving her hasn't mattered one damn bit, because of you. You've taken everything that ever meant anything away from me." Jacob screamed.

Edward grabbed Jake and pushed him off hard, "Well, maybe, if you hadn't spent your time fucking someone else, you wouldn't have lost her, asshole!"

"You're gonna preach to me about fucking around, really? If you hadn't done what you did all those years ago, none of us would be in the fucking mess we're in."

Edward looked at me, and I could clearly see the rage in eyes as he turned back towards Jake.

"You don't know a fucking thing about me, or my life, so stop pretending that you've had nothing to do with your wife leaving you. We've both clearly made mistakes where she's concerned. I've spent half my god damn life paying for those mistakes, and I sure as hell don't need someone like you reminding me of that."

Once again I stepped in between them and placed a hand on each one of them, "Stop this, both of you. We've all made mistakes that can't be undone. We have to find away to move past them," I cried.

Jacob backed away from me, "Tell me, Bella, how am I supposed to get past the fact that I've wasted so much time loving you, knowing that the whole time, you were in love with him?"

Edward appeared stunned, he looked at me and then to Jake, "What the hell are you talking about? he asked.

"I'm talking about the fact that, since the day I met Bella she's been haunted by her past. She's never been able to let it go, never able to let you go! She was supposed to be my wife, but she never really wanted me. No, she's been locked inside herself all these years secretly loving you. Desperately trying to understand why you never loved her, and what kills me the most is, it's so clear on your fucking face that you do love her. So she's spent all this fucking time broken and dead inside, all because apparently you were too afraid back then to admit how much she really meant to you. You couldn't man up and own her the way she deserved to be. Because of that, I've had to suffer right along with her. I had to watch her wither inside herself, longing for someone who…

"Jake! Enough!" I screamed.

"Edward backed away towards the door, and with tears in his eyes he looked at me, "I never wanted to hurt you, to cause you any pain. I was young and scared back then, and there was so much about me you didn't know."

"Because you wouldn't let me know, Edward," I whispered, tears now streaming down my face.

"I couldn't. I just couldn't."

"Why?" I questioned.

"Because if you knew..." he trailed off, "...if you knew the real me, and what I was capable of, you would have run from me long before you did, Bella. Trust me," he said turning to leave.

"How do you know that? You never even gave me a chance, Edward," I said grabbing his arm, trying to stop him from walking out the door.

"I'm a monster, Bella, and the things I've done in my past, prove that you've always been too good for me. I've never been worthy of your love, and I'm not just talking about what happened that night with Jess."

I cringed at the memory of finding him that night, laying there on that bed with her. I looked at him unable to breath at what I saw in his eyes at that moment. The pain there told me everything I needed to know, all of it, everything that we'd been through, it wasn't because he never loved me.

It was because whatever had happened to him in his past had broken him, made him believe he was less than human, and that he didn't deserve to be loved. It was so clear on his face, why had I never seen it before?

"Edward, you're no monster. What I deserved back then was your trust. I loved you so unconditionally and you never trusted me. I just wanted you to tell me the truth about who you really are, the reality of what your life was like before you came here, and the horror that would make you believe you are unworthy of love and compassion from another human being.

"Please don't go!" I begged him "You promised me answers, Edward, and that's all I'm asking from you."

"I'm sorry, angel, I thought I was ready to give you those answers, but I know now, I'm not." he said as he opened the front door.

I moved away from him stunned. I couldn't believe that after all this he was going to do this to me again. He hadn't changed one damn bit.

"Then go, Edward, if after all this time, I still don't mean enough for you to allow me to know the real you, then just get out!" I screamed.

"Bella...I...I'm sorry," he said, defeated and turned and walked out the door.

I turned around to see Jake standing there with a smirk on his face. I'd almost completely forgotten he was even here.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" I groaned

His smirk disappeared, he moved towards me with anger in his eyes. "You're defending him? After everything he's done to you, and that he continues to do to you. You still don't see him for what he is?"

"Please tell me, Jake, what is he? You've got a lot of nerve belittling him for things that he's done, the same things that you've done I might add. I know that things have not been perfect between us, but you have got a lot to learn if you think you have no fault in this."

"Bella, I didn't say I'm not at fault, that I haven't done anything wrong. It's just I needed you to see that he's not right for you."

"So everything that we talked about last night meant nothing to you, Jake? What does it matter to you who the hell is right for me. You're moving on with Leah, right? Why is it so hard for you to allow me the same happiness, regardless of who it's with?"

"Look, Bells, I'm sorry, it's not that I don't want you to be happy, because I do. I've spent so much time watching you suffer on the inside. I just don't want to see you get hurt again. You're right. I have no business telling you what to do anymore, but, Bella, I can't help the fact that to me you'll always be my best friend; and I'll never stop caring about you, so don't ask me to."

"I think it's time for me to go, it's time for us both to start our lives over," he said leaning over and kissing me on the forehead.

"Promise me one thing before I go?" he asked

"What is it?" I questioned.

"Promise me, you'll be careful, Bella, that's all I ask."

I wasn't promising him any such thing. As far as I was concerned, I'd spent my entire life being careful, playing the safe side, and damn it, I was tired of it. If I wanted my happy ending, it looked like I was going to have to fight for it with every ounce of strength I had. Despite everything that happened here today with Edward, I wasn't going to run again. I wouldn't allow him to get off that easy, he was going to have to face this sooner or later. I would make sure of it.

"I'm sorry, Jake, but for once in my life, I'm going to take a chance and not be safe; because if I don't, I'll never know what could have been, can you understand that?"

He smiled at me and turned towards the door, "I think I understand more than you'll ever know, Bella," and with that, he walked out the front door and out of my life.


	12. Chapter 12 A Different Kind Of Pain

**Disclaimer: Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N Thank you once again to my incredibly talented beta SparklingWand, without you this chapter would still be just a thought. She also has a new story "The night the lights went out in Georgia" if you haven't read it yet do it now it is amazing! **

**Thank you Jackie and Melarimo, for always working your magic and making my writing worth reading!**

**~x~**

**'A Different Kind of Pain'**

I sit here alone in the dark lost in my thoughts, of past memories of you.

The walks we shared, the talks we had, the smell of your skin as we kissed.

I sit here imagining each moment and longing for them again.

Here in this place where we once confessed our love, tears streaming down my face.

Lost and thinking of you and what could have been.

I shouldn't have held back, I should have given you my all,

given another chance, I would change it all.

I whisper a prayer for redemption, when suddenly you appear, from out of no where.

Making all my dreams come true, saving my soul from damnation.

From a life without you.

by: SparklingWand

~x~

**Chapter 12 (A Different Kind Of Pain)**

**~Edward~**

I sat here on the edge of the bed running my fingers through my hair trying to pull myself together as I listened to my cell phone ring for the billionth time. I knew who it was without even looking at it. Jasper and Alice had been trying to reach me every since the other morning when I ran from Bella's house like a scared little child.

I'd come straight here, after a stop at the local liquor store of course, to this old cabin that held so many memories of my sweet Bella and our last night we'd spent together. I've spent the last three days here in a drunken stupor going over and over again, everything that I could have done differently in my life especially where she was concerned. Maybe if I'd given into her that last night we were here and taken her as my own the way we both so clearly wanted, everything would be different.

I remember that night as though it were yesterday, the way she felt laying there in my arms, her soft breath against my lips as I kissed her. Hell, I'd spent the last twelve years with that memory keeping me going every step of the way. It took everything I had that night not to give into her pleas. I wanted her more than I could ever show her, but as usual I was afraid. Afraid that if I took her virginity without her really knowing the person she was giving it to, it would forever ruin her when she did finally find out the monster she had given such a precious gift to.

If I were a smart guy, or had any sense emotionally of what either one of us needed back then, I would have been able to look deep in her heart and know that she loved me enough to know the real me. I would have known that she would have accepted me regardless of the terrible things that I had done, and maybe even loved me more for having trusted her enough to share that part of my life with her.

I shook my head and stood up, forcing my thoughts to clear. No, she could never accept what I've done or who I am because I can't even accept it. "

Fuck!" I screamed, slamming my fist into the bathroom door.

How would she ever feel safe with a man that killed his own father? How could she ever accept that, when my own mother whom I was protecting couldn't understand it? She saw the monster in her son, and Bella would too if she knew the truth.

I stood against the bathroom door, desperately trying to steady my nerves. I needed a shower, I fucking stunk and I had a shift at the hospital in an hour. I knew Jasper would be there too, and I would have to work hard to avoid any kind of confrontation with him right now. I just couldn't handle it, especially knowing that I would have to face Bella tonight at this damn birthday party that Alice had planned.

I stumbled into the bathroom to take my shower. My head was pounding, and I was still hung over from all the drinking I'd done over the last few days. As I removed my clothes and stepped in the hot stream of water, I once again heard my cell ringing in the bedroom and knew the odds of me avoiding my brother today were slim to none. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that maybe I shouldn't be avoiding him.

Maybe it was time for me to admit that I really needed someone's help to get me through this shit. I didn't want to lose Bella again, and I sure as hell didn't want to cause her any more pain than I already had. I was so confused over what the right thing for me to do was. Should I unload all my baggage on her and hope against hopes that she won't see me for the murderer that I am, or run as far from her as possible and give her a chance at a normal life. Yeah, there was no doubt; I definitely needed my brother more than I had ever needed him before.

After getting dressed and downing several aspirins to try and knock this fucking headache away, I had finally managed to make it to the hospital. I had no sooner made it through the fucking doors, and there Jasper was staring at me with his arms crossed and a fucking look that could kill on his face. Yeah, I think it was safe to say he was pissed at me.

"Hey, bro, what's up?" I asked him apprehensively, as he looked like he might try and beat the shit out of me at any moment.

He suddenly lunged at me grabbing my shirt collar and pushing me backwards against the wall. "Jesus Christ, E, where the fuck have you been? You obviously don't know how to answer your Goddamn phone. Do you have any fucking idea how worried I've been about you? How worried Alice has been? Do you give a shit at all about what you've done to everyone over the last few days, including Bella?"

I grabbed his hands and pushed him backwards hard.

"Dude, back the fuck off. I'm sorry! I needed to be alone for awhile to think...you of all people should fucking understand that! Can we please take this conversation somewhere more private?" I pleaded, having noticed that every eye in the room was on us.

"Yeah, let's go!" he said angrily, as he turned to make his way down the hall. I just stood there for a minute trying to get myself under control. He looked back at me when he realized I wasn't following him. "You comin?" he asked, pointing towards his office.

I pushed myself off the wall and followed him into his office, and slammed the door behind me. "What the hell was that all about, Jasper? Was all that really necessary? Does every fucking person in this hospital really need to know my business? Maybe you don't understand what the fuck I've been going through the last couple of days, and I know that I am partly to blame for that; but damn, Jazz, none of this is easy for me. Deciding whether or not to let the love of my fucking life go, happens to be the hardest Goddamn decision I've ever had to make."

"Let her go? Are you crazy? You just got her back. Why the hell would you let her go again, Edward? Please tell me you're not actually considering that."

"I'm only trying to do what is best for her. I've fucked up so much with her. For once I just want to do what is right, and if that means walking away from her for good, so that she can find some kind of happiness in her life, than that's what I will do. I love her, Jazz, more than anything and I've caused her so much pain… I'm so damn scared that me telling her the truth about my past, about our past, is just going to cause her more pain. She is going to see what a fucking monster I am, and she is going to run Jasper, I just know it."

He walked over towards me and grabbed my arm, and looked me right in the eye, "Edward, listen to me. This goes beyond just you, bro. This is about her too. She has been in love with you all this time. That says something. Fate doesn't just fuck up. This is meant to be. The sooner you realize this, and accept this, the better off both of you will be. The more you run, the more you avoid facing this, the more hurt you cause the both of you. You say you love her. You say you want to set her free, but Edward, she doesn't want to be set free. She had that opportunity twelve years ago, and yet here she is, still waiting for you to open up to her, to love her the way you were meant to."

My brother's words hit me square in the heart. I could feel every heartbeat thump against my chest, almost as if it were beating her name. Jasper was right. She did run, she did have the opportunity to be free of me, and yet here she was still waiting for me.

But could I really deserve her love, a love so pure, so beautiful? How could I, someone who fucks over everyone and everything I love, deserve her?

"I know it's hard, bro. I, of all people, know this. I sat back and watched as my own brother married the only woman I have ever loved, knowing he would never love her the way I did. I kept my mouth shut all these years because I figured that Alice deserved something better than me. I was wrong, and so are you. I know what I've done to you is wrong, and for that I'm sorry… but I'm not sorry for taking the opportunity to finally know what it's like to have the woman I was meant to be with in my arms. And I'll be damned if I sit back and watch you make the same fucking mistakes I did."

He released my arm with a slight flick of the wrist. I could see the anger in his eyes, and I was honestly surprised. I hadn't seen Jasper this emotionally involved since we were kids. My big brother was back. Whatever happened between him and Alice was what he needed to finally get past all of the bullshit that happened. I just wish I could find the peace he had, but somehow I knew I would never find that peace unless I had Bella at my side.

I shrugged my shoulders and turned towards the door, "You're right. She does deserve to know. She has waited all this time for answers, answers that only I can give. I just love her so much, Jazz. It hurts deep inside me." I pounded my chest trying to appease the ache.

"That ache, that hurt goes away and it becomes joy and fulfillment, if you will just give her a chance. Don't make her choices for her. You say you fear her knowing the real you, because you don't want her to run away screaming at the _monster_ you've become? What if she doesn't see a beast inside you, Edward? What if she sees the real person buried deep inside? The same person I see. The one who cared so much for a woman that he shot his own father to protect her, the one who believed that no matter what, that same woman would find it in her heart to forgive him for his actions, the one who has spent every day of his life begging for atonement for a crime he didn't commit, and yet still doesn't see that atonement was offered to him twelve years ago. "

The tears fell down my cheek, and I turned to my brother to see him wiping tears away. "I don't deserve her," I whispered.

"You're right. You don't, but she loves you and that, my brother, doesn't come very often in this life. You never know when the one you love will be taken away from you. Please, if not for her, then for me, talk to her. Tell her the truth, tell her everything. I have very little time left with Alice. I squandered my chance, but fate has given you a chance to fix yours. Don't run from it again."

I don't know why but somehow I ended up in my brother's arms. I could feel every emotion flow out of me as I cried hard on his shoulder. Everything that we had both held in all these years was finally said in our brotherly hug. Jasper was right. I could only heal if I came clean, if I told her every little detail about me and my past. If she ran, then at least I finally gave her the answers she deserved all these years- but if she stayed, I would have the love of my life finally as my own.

I pulled away from him and smiled because for the first time in a long ass time, I felt like I finally had power over my own destiny; and if I played my cards right and didn't fuck up this time, maybe Bella and I would have a chance at a happy life together.

"So you will be at Bella's birthday party tonight, right? Because you know Alice will have your ass if you don't show, and honestly, I can't think of a better gift you could give Bella for her birthday than yourself."

I did have one other gift in mind, something that already belonged to her, something I'd been holding on to since she'd left it laying on my doorstep the night she left Forks twelve years ago. I reached in my pocket and felt the metal slide between my fingers. It was the locket, my mother's locket that I'd given to Bella the night of her last birthday we'd spent together. I promised her that night that when I was ready to open up and share what I'd been through that she'd be the one I shared it with and no one else. Technically, this was one promise that I hadn't broken. I'd never shared my story with Alice. She got all of her information from Carlisle, and not even he knew the full extent of what my brother and I had really went through on that night and the days that followed it.

I wanted to give the locket back to her, make it a symbol of the new beginning I hoped that opening myself up to her would bring for both of us. "Yeah, Jazz, I'll be there, it's her birthday. I wouldn't miss it, not for anything."

"Good, in that case, just so you know, your clothes for tonight are in your office already, thanks to Alice, so make sure you're on time."

"How is she, Jazz?" I asked because despite the fact that she would soon be my ex-wife, she was still my best friend, and I had never felt more out of touch with her than I did right now. Usually, Alice was the first place I would have run when I had trouble with anything, but I realized that her and my brother deserved what little time they may have left without me in the middle of things.

"Well, I won't lie to you, Edward. The last few days have really taken their toll on her. That's part of the reason I was so angry at you over all this. You've caused her a lot of unnecessary stress...stress she really can't handle right now. I tried to talk her into postponing the party, but she refused saying she had to do this for Bella, and you know how she can get when she sets her mind to something. But I'm afraid she is a lot worse off than what she is telling me."

Hearing that nearly broke my heart. I guess once again I was being a selfish prick. I should have considered what my distance would do to Alice and her condition, "How bad is she, Jasper? You should have tried harder, forced her to cancel the party!"

He laughed, "Yeah, like anyone could force her to do something she didn't want to do. She is determined you know, to see you get your life back before anything happens to her. So take my advice, E, give that to her. Let her know that you're going to be okay when she's gone. She needs that, she deserves it! "

I reached up and wiped more tears from my face, with the thought of Alice being gone from my life completely. Losing her to my brother was one thing. At least I knew she was finally getting the happiness that had eluded her all these years-but knowing now that they had each other, and they were going to be separated again just seemed so fucking unfair.

Jasper once again walked over to me and forced me to look at him. "Listen to me, bro, I know it's hard the thought of her leaving us, hell, I just found my salvation in this woman, she is everything to me. I thank God though that I had the courage to finally give her the love that she so desperately deserved, and even if it had only been for one day, I could have lived the rest of my life knowing that for that one day I had complete happiness in my life."

He was right. I had to stop focusing on the fact that we were going to lose her and appreciate what little time we had left with her.

"I'm going to cut my shift short today. Maybe I can spend a little time apologizing to Ali before the party."

"Good, I think she needs that."

"Alright, bro, thanks for everything. I'll see you tonight," I whispered pulling him in one last hug before turning to leave.

Just as I was about to walk out the door, Jazz cleared his throat, "E, I love you little brother, never forget that."

I had to get out of here before he had me in tears once again. I'd done enough crying today to last a lifetime.

"I love you too, man, and no matter what happens with Bella, I'll never forget what you've done for me here today," I said and walked out the door.

My shift went by fast and I now found myself standing here knocking on my own front door. God, would I ever get used to this? I heard Alice's little feet padding down the hall way to the front door, and when she opened it, I nearly lost it.

"Ali, Jesus, you look terrible!"

She looked so sick. I couldn't grasp how much worse she looked just in the three days since I'd last seen her.

She smiled her beautiful smile and then slapped me hard right across my face.

"Thanks a lot, E, and where the fuck have you been?"

"Damn, what was that for?" I cried rubbing my face where she'd slapped me.

"That was for making me worry for the last three days, for you not returning my calls, and for what you have put Bella through again!"

"I'm sorry, I should have called. Can you forgive me?" I said pulling her into a hug. "Ali, you really look tired. Are you sure this party is the best idea?"

"E, forget it. Just save your breath. I'm not cancelling the party, Bella needs this and so do you."

"You need to start worrying about yourself. Stop trying to fix me. I'm not your responsibility. I need to correct my own mistakes, Alice, and I promise you now that I will one way or another."

"Oh, I know you will, because if you don't fix this mess you've created with Bells, I swear to God if it's the last thing I do, E, I'll kill you," she said taking a seat on the couch. I could tell she was really weak and this shit was really starting to scare me.

I sat down beside her on the couch and took her little hand in mine, "Please be honest with me, Ali. How bad is it? You're killing me by not admitting how sick you really are. You just can't ignore this, it's not going to go away," I cried.

"Stop it! Don't you think I already know that?" she pleaded with tears in her eyes. "Please just let me have this one night. I know how sick I am, I don't need you to point that out for me. I just want this one damn night to forget it for awhile. The last few days have been some of the best and worst of my life. I finally have the man I love more than anything by my side, but I've also had to watch my best friend run farther away from what he needs, and that breaks my heart, E."

"Okay," I said, reaching up to wipe her tears away and pulling her into me. I rested my head on top of hers "You're right, I should stop doing that, but you can't expect me to not worry about you, I can't help that. I'll make this right with Bella, I have to, I'm terrified but I know what I have to do now, and I have every intention of doing it, I won't run again."

She looked up at me and smiled, "You have no reason to be scared. She loves you, E, and I know that she'll love you even more when you finally give yourself to her completely."

"I hope you're right, but even if she runs after learning what I've done, at least I'll know that I gave it everything I had. I can live with that."

"She's not running anywhere except right towards you. Can you not see that just as she is to you, you are everything to her? You've always been exactly what she needed. That won't change when you open up to her. It will only make what she feels for you more intense, because you'll be showing her what she has always wanted to know, that you love her enough to take that chance with her. That's all she has ever wanted."

We spent the next few hours just talking, like we used to do before we were ever married. There was no pressure there anymore to be more to each other than what we have always been. Having this time with her, I realized just exactly what Jasper had meant today when he said that he would have been happy even if he only had one day with her…because sitting here not focusing on the fact that she was sick and may not be with me very much longer, and just focusing on her and how much her friendship has meant to me, was something that I would never forget… and if she were gone tomorrow, I would thank God for this moment with her for the rest of my life.

"E, you really need to shower," she finally said. "Did you bring the clothes I picked out for you?"

"Of course I did, sweetheart. I'll go get them and get cleaned up as long as you promise me you'll use this little bit of time to rest before people start arriving."

"Okay, I promise," she groaned.

After I got out of the shower in the guest bedroom, and was getting dressed I realized I already heard voices and music coming from down the hall. When I walked out, it appeared the party was in full swing because there were people everywhere. My stomach was in knots as I scanned the room for her.

"You ready for this?" I heard Jazz ask as he appeared out of nowhere.

"No, but I don't think I ever will be, so I may as well get it over with. "

"Well, go ahead then, E, there she is," he whispered as he pointed across the room where the most beautiful woman in the world now stood. She too appeared to be looking for someone. I watched as Alice made her way over to her, and several other people wished her a happy birthday in passing. My heart was leaping out of my chest at the sight of her. She had on the most amazing blue dress I had ever seen, and her hair was pulled back in a loose bun with little curls dangling down her exposed shoulders. Her milky white skin against the blue of the dress sent feelings through me that I never thought I would feel again. She was a GOD damn Angel...my Angel.

Suddenly she looked in my direction and our eyes met. At that exact moment Nickleback's "Far Away" started playing on the surround sound. The words in the song brought about such an intensity in the air, it was as if the song had been written for Bella and I. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Before I even realized what was happening, I was standing in front of her, and she looked up at me with her big beautiful brown eyes, and they were full of tears.

"Happy birthday, angel."

I reached out pulling her into my arms and kissed her forehead. She wrapped both her arms around me, and I could feel her silently sobbing in my arms.

We stood there in the center of the room and slowly moved to the beat of the song just holding each other. Having her in my arms like this was something I'd been dreaming about for the last twelve fucking years of my life, and I couldn't even begin to describe what it felt like to finally have that dream come true. I knew it was time I couldn't put this off any longer. I reached in my pocket and pulled the locket out, pulled back a little bit and looked into her eyes as I held the locket out and let it dangle down in front of her. I needed her to see what I was trying to say, because I couldn't get the words out in that moment. When she looked at the locket, the expression on her face told me she understood exactly what I wanted her to know.

Tears formed in her eyes and she brought her hand up and covered her mouth, as though she were in shock. She looked at me and my breath caught because her expression suddenly changed from complete happiness to one of absolute pain, she dropped both hands to her side turned, and ran from the room.

I looked towards Alice and Jasper in the corner of the room, and they both silently pleaded with me to go after her. I didn't need their pleas though; there was nothing in this world now that could keep me from her now.

I followed her out to the front lawn, where I found her down on her knees, her head in her hands and sobbing loudly.

"Bella, what is it, what's wrong?" I begged her to tell me, because I honestly didn't know what I had done this time.

"I need to know, E, please tell me you mean it this time, because I can't take it if you bail on me again."

Realization at her words hit me like a brick. I dropped to my knees in front of her. I needed her to know I would never run from her again.

"Bella, please listen to me. I'm not going anywhere, I'm here and I'll never run from you again. I've made that mistake one too many times. I regret having ever run away from the one person I should have been running too." I took her face in my hands and forced her to look into my tear filled eyes, "Bella, I love you. I've loved you every since the very first moment I laid eyes on you. You're everything to me, and if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that to you, then so be it."

She placed both of her arms around my neck and pulled me into her. "I've waited so long for this. I love you too, more than I've ever loved anything," she whispered in my ear.

She pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I saw nothing but love and longing in her stare. I reached up and took her beautiful face into my hands and slowly moved towards her."Bella, I..." I started to say when suddenly she crushed her lips to mine, and the entire world stopped. Nothing else existed but us in this moment. I pulled her closer to me, needing to feel her, to hold her, to touch her. I needed her to understand my deepest desire to be everything she needed me to be in this one glorious kiss.

Her sweet lips opened slightly allowing me entrance into her beautiful mouth. Her little hands pulled at the back of my hair as she tried to get even closer. There was so much hunger and desire, desperation and acceptance that my heart felt like it just might explode.

Slowly the kiss came to end when she pulled away and looked up at me, I knew that everything was going to be okay-because we had already made it through so much, and me giving myself to her was just another step we had to take to get to where we've always belonged.

"Edward, can you please take me somewhere where we can be alone?" she asked as a crowd had formed on the lawn eavesdropping on our entire conversation.

I knew what she wanted, and trust me I would not let this night end without giving it to her. I had made the mistake once of denying her, and there was no way in Heaven or Hell that I would make that mistake again. We had waited too long for this and this night I would make her mine.

I smiled, leaned in and gently kissed the tip of her nose, as I grabbed her hand and pulled her up, "Yes, angel, I know exactly where I'm taking you."


	13. Chapter 13 The Reason

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N Thanks to my friend and beta SparklingWand for putting up with me on this chapter! Thanks to Jackie (TwiMoments) for always making my writing legible lol Love you girls!**

**Thanks to all my readers for being patient with this chapter, unfortunately I had a lot of other projects to get through before I could tackle this chapter. Plus RL doesn't help much either! Anyways I hope it was worth the wait for you guys, and all reviewers will get a teaser for chapter 14 so leave some love or hate lol just leave something pretty please :)**

**~x~**

"**The Reason"**

**I've found a reason for me, **

**to change who I used to be.**

**A reason to start over new,**

**and the reason is you.**

**I'm sorry that I hurt you,**

**it's something I must live with everyday.**

**And all the pain I put you through,**

**I wish that I could take it all away.**

**And be the one who catches all your tears,**

**that's why I need you to hear.**

**I've found a reason for me,**

**to change who I used to be.**

**A reason to start over new,**

**and the reason is Youand the reason is You.**

**~Hoobastank~**

**~x~**

**Chapter 13 (The Reason)**

**~Edward~**

The resolve I had been feeling earlier at the party started to fade the instant we pulled into the driveway of that old cabin. Not even the smile that was now spread across Bella's face at the realization of where I'd brought her could suppress the pussy in me that was now threatening to escape again.

I looked away from her and out the window, silently cursing myself for allowing this fear to take over me once again, when I felt her tiny hand brush the side of my cheek. "Edward, please tell me what you're thinking. Don't shut me out, not now."

I turned back towards her and looked her in the eye. It was time for complete honesty, "I was thinking how lucky I am to have this second chance with you and what a fucking pussy I am…. because all I want to do is run away before you have a chance to do the same to me."

She slowly removed her hand from my face. Her expression instantly changed from one of happiness to what looked like anger. "Why is it so difficult for you to understand how much you mean to me? When will you realize that I love everything about you, E? The good and the bad, and if I didn't, do you really think I'd be here with you now?"

I sighed and reached over to open the car door, "Bella, don't you think I want to believe that you fucking love me enough to get past what I've done? You just don't understand. You're living under the delusion that cheating on you with Jessica is the worst of what I've done. When sadly, it's just a small part of the pain I've caused in the lives of the people I fucking love the most," I said, stepping out of the car.

By the time I got around to her side of the car, she was already out and coming towards me. She grabbed my hand and brought it up, placing it on her chest right over her heart. "Do you feel that, E? That's my heart, and it's time you realized that it beats only for you. Since the very first moment I laid eyes on you, I've loved you. I knew then that you carried the weight of the world on your shoulders; that something terrible had happened to you. I hoped against hope that eventually you would love and trust me enough to share your pain with me, so you didn't have to endure it alone. That night I found you with Jessica broke my heart for many reasons. Because I realized no matter how hard I tried, I'd never win against the ghosts that seemed to haunt you every day of your damn life. Sure, I saw glints of hope here and there, but the minute I would think you were finally ready to let me in, up would come these walls. Walls of defense that you'd so carefully built for yourself, shutting me out completely. That's why I ran, Edward. It's why I stayed away for so long. Then I realized in doing what I did, I gave you exactly what you wanted, exactly what you expected."

I reached up and wiped the tears from her cheek and tried to control my own tears that were now threatening to fall, "What's that, angel?" I whispered.

"By running from you that night, I proved to you that you weren't worth the effort, just like you believed all along. Because whatever has happened to you has damaged your heart so much, that you believe you're not worthy of anyone's love. It's why you married Alice, right? It was safe. You knew you could never be hurt if you married someone you could never really love, right?"

"How do you know all this, Bella?" I asked curiously.

"Because, Edward, I married Jacob for the same exact reason. I knew deep down I could never really love him. Therefore in marrying him, I would never have to risk being hurt by anyone again."

She reached up and pushed the hair from my eyes. "Edward, I'm here now, and my love is and always will be yours. I need you to see that you're more than worth the effort, and there is no one else I'd rather risk my heart with than you."

"Bella ...I," I started to say when she reached her finger up and placed it on my lips to silence me.

Without another word she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my lips to hers. This kiss was different than the one at the party. It was full of all the want and need that had built up between us all these years. I wrapped my arms around her, desperately trying to pull her as close to me as possible. Every fucking ounce of fear I'd felt up until now completely disappeared when I felt the heat of her body so close to mine. I picked her up, wrapping her legs around my waist, turned around, and pushed her up against the car. Pressing my hardness into her hot center, thoughts of being inside of her, of finally making her mine in every way possible consumed me. It took everything I had in me to regain control over my longing. I couldn't let this happen, not until she knew everything about my past. Not until I was sure that she wouldn't regret giving herself to me in that way.

I pulled away, sitting her down and breaking the kiss; leaving us both gasping for breath and longing for more. "Edward, please don't stop, I need you." she begged as she lowered her head and looked towards the ground.

Reaching my hand up, I placed a finger on her chin and lifted her face up until she was looking at me again. "Bella, I'm sorry. Trust me when I say I need you too."

"But ..." she whispered.

"But... before you give yourself to me like that, I need you to know me, the real fucking me. I need to know that we're free of all these demons from the past, and that you won't regret having given that part of yourself to me."

A small smile played at the corner of her lips, as she reached down and took my hand in hers and pulled me towards the cabin. "Okay, E, then I think it's time for you to introduce me to the real you," she said as she opened the door to the cabin and pulled me in.

Shutting the door behind us, I realized the last time we'd walked through this door together we were just two young, naive kids who didn't have a clue what the future held in store for them. We were sure of only one thing, that whatever it did hold, we wanted to share it together. Even after all the mistakes that had been made, the pain and time spent apart, here we were together again. I was more resolved than ever to show her how thankful I was for this second chance we'd been given. I wanted to show her in every way possible- before this night was over.

I walked over and started a fire for us in the fireplace while she sat down on the couch. "Wow, it's amazing after all this time, and it looks exactly the same," she said, looking around the cabin.

"Trust me, over the years, Esme has tried numerous times to redecorate this place, but I begged her not to each and every time. It meant too much to me exactly the way it is."

"I'm glad. I always loved it here, it just wouldn't have felt the same if she had changed it."

I walked over and took my place right next to her on the couch. "I know exactly what you mean, angel," I said, taking her hand in mine and turning towards her. "It should warm up soon now that the fire is going."

"Good, I'm freezing." she said scooting closer to me. I reached up putting my arm around her, pulling her into me until her head was resting against my chest.

We just sat there for some time in silence until she finally spoke, "Edward." She whispered, "Tell me about your mother...your real mother."

I sucked in a deep breath at the thought of her and started to speak, "I remember her being very beautiful when I was really young, long flowing red hair, emerald green eyes that just seemed to sparkle. She was full of life, love, and hope. But as time went on, and Jasper and I grew older, we both watched my father kill that glint of hope and happiness that had once shined in her eyes. She became cold and hard, no longer the loving mother we remembered as young children."

I tried to explain to her that it seemed almost from the moment Jasper and I were born, my father had been abusive; sometimes with us, but mostly it was directed towards our mother. Growing up we had never really lived the lives of normal children because we were living in constant fear. I was terrified every day that I went off to school that I would come home to find her beaten or worse...dead. I needed Bella to see that my mother wasn't at fault for what he turned her into, that no one could suffer the abuse that she suffered without losing one's self.

She reached up to wipe away the tears that were now falling down my cheeks. I didn't have many happy memories of my mother, but I had never blamed her for the pain she had caused. I knew that there was a time when she loved us and wanted us, but over time I think she came to believe that we were the cause of the abuse rather than blaming my father. Although Jasper and I never really talked much about her after Carlisle and Esme adopted us, it was clear he not only held my father responsible for what had happened to us, but he hated my mother for it as well.

"Edward, what happened...I mean, why were you given up for adoption?" she asked hesitantly.

This was it, the question I had dreaded since I'd met Bella. I felt the panic start to well up in the pit of my stomach and took deep breaths to try and calm myself down. She must have sensed my reaction to the question because she lifted herself up and straddled my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Are you okay, baby?" she asked, concern lacing her face.

"Yes...I'm fine, just let me get this out," I answered.

"Bella, when I was thirteen years old, I-.I...killed my own father," I cried, lowering my head so I didn't have to look her in the eye.

Not waiting for her to react, I continued, "He'd come home from work angry at my mother as usual. I watched him beat her; Bella...beat her until she was bruised and bloody. I thought he was going to kill her... so I did the only thing I could do to keep him from doing that."

Once I finally said those words, I couldn't stop. I confessed every single detail to her, from the gun, to shooting my father. How I felt about pulling the trigger, right down to my mother's reaction to what I had done.

When I finally stopped talking, I looked up at Bella to gauge her reaction to what I had just told her. What I expected to see in her eyes was fear. After all, I had just confessed to her that I had murdered my own father, but there was no fear in those beautiful, tear filled brown eyes, only love and understanding.

"Edward,...what happened after that night? Did they press charges? Was there a trial? Please tell me they didn't put you through all of that!"

"Well, yes, the night it happened I was arrested. They had no choice really, thirteen or not, I'd just shot and killed my father. So that first night I was treated like an adult, and that was probably the scariest fucking night of my life. When they took me in, I was put in a holding cell with about ten other grown men, and that's where I spent the night. The next morning I was questioned for what felt like hours. Later that day I was transported to juvenile detention where I remained for the next few days, while the DA determined whether or not to take my case to trial. Because of my age and the history of my father's abuse in the house, they eventually determined that going to trial was not in their best interest. They were positive they would never get a conviction out of a jury. So they released me."

"Back into your mother's care?" she questioned.

"No, Bella,... two days after I killed my father, my mother signed both Jasper and me over to the state. She gave up all rights to us, therefore, we were both placed in foster care, which is where we were when Carlisle and Esme found us and adopted us.

"You never had contact with your mother again?'

"No, not after that night. In fact, I never heard another word about my mother. I had always hoped that one day she would forgive me for what I had done. I hoped that she would come back for us, but after that day, I knew that was never going to happen."

"After what day?"

"The day that you found me with Jessica. That morning Carlisle had come into my room to tell me that my mother had committed suicide. I lost it when he told me. Like I said, there was always the hope there that she would forgive me one day. Then to find out she went to her grave hating me...well, as you know, I didn't handle it very well.

"Oh, my God, Edward!" she cried bringing her hand up to cup her mouth.

I reached up and pulled her hand away, "What is it, angel?'

"That's why you ended up with Jess that day? I had no idea, and I just ran from you… when I should have been there for you," she said as the tears streamed down her face.

I couldn't let her do this to herself. She needed to understand that what happened that day was my fault, not hers. I'd broken so many promises to her that day, and not just that day, but every damn day since I'd met her. The first was the moment I got in my car and decided to find my comfort in drugs, rather than with her. I've been over that day a million times in my head, and that one decision right there is what destroyed us. Had I gone to her, confided in her; then I never would have never been in the position to end up with Jessica in the first place.

"Bella, you have to listen to me. What happened was in no way your fault, you had every right to walk away and never speak to me again if that was your choice. I've betrayed you in every way possible. There were so many bad decisions made on my part, so many things I wish I could go back and change. I can't though...I can never go back, that's why this, right here and now, is so fucking important. I've been given a second chance to make things right, to show you how much I love you, how much I've always loved you, and I won't fuck that up again."

She looked at me in that moment and the longing in her eyes caused my breath to hitch. "Edward...show me how much you love me," was all she said, and it was all she had to say.

I wanted her and I wouldn't let another second slip by without showing her just how much. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulled her to me, and repeated her words from earlier outside, "I need you, angel." With that our lips collided. I slid my tongue across her lips, silently begging permission to deepen the kiss, and without hesitation she opened them to me. I moved my hands down the contours of her beautiful body until I reached the bottom of her dress, and pulled it off of her.

"So beautiful," I whispered in her ear, as my mouth trailed kisses down her neck and shoulders until I reached the most perfect pair of tits I had ever seen. Sucking one into my mouth, and rolling the other through my fingers tips, I watched as they hardened at my warm touch. Breaking contact with her for a brief second, I felt an immediate sense of loss, as I laid her down in front of me on the couch.

Not a day had gone by that I didn't dream of this exact moment with her. The sights, the sounds, the smell, the very existence of her in my arms, freely giving me everything she had and me doing the same in return. Now, having all my dreams finally come true right before my eyes, I feared that I would fail her. _What if I wasn't good enough? What if I couldn't satisfy her needs?_ She had waited so many years, just as I had, and I didn't want to fail her.

Almost as if she sensed my hesitation, she reached up with her small hands and pulled me down to her. My dick strained against my pants, as she growled against my lips, and trailed her fingers down my body. "Mine."

With that tiny little word slipping from her lips, it suddenly dawned on me that she was no longer the seventeen year old virgin I remembered from my past. She was a strong, beautiful woman, and the fear I'd felt only moments ago melted away as something more animalistic took over.

_I wanted her, no...I fucking needed her, _I thought as I reached down and ripped her panties from her. My dick twitched as my eyes traced over her naked form below me. _Fuck..._I couldn't wait to be inside of her.

Never removing her eyes from mine, she reached down and quickly unbuttoned my pants, pushing both them and my boxers off of me. I groaned as she wrapped her hand around my now aching cock and pulled it toward her hot, wet entrance. "I fucking love you, Bella," I growled, as I thrust deep inside of her.

You would have thought this was my first time having sex considering the moment my dick entered her tight little pussy, I nearly came right there.

"Fuck...so wet, baby," I groaned, pausing for a brief second to regain control over myself.

Her hips bucked up to meet mine, urging me to give her what she needed, "Please Edward...," she begged.

Slowly I started to thrust in and out of her, picking up the pace only when I was sure it was safe to do so. I wasn't ready for this to be over yet, I'd waited too fucking long.

"So good, baby," she moaned as she reached behind me, grabbing my ass, and pulling me even deeper inside of her.

_Jesus Christ..._nothing, and I mean nothing, could ever compare to this moment. I was no virgin by any means, but being with Bella like this honestly made me feel as though this were my first time. Looking into her eyes, I could see that she was feeling exactly as I was... this is what it felt like to make love to someone.

Her body began to writhe beneath me, and I knew she was close to her release, "Come with me, angel," I whispered.

"Edward...oh God...," she screamed, panting and gasping for breath as her orgasm took hold of her.

As I heard those sweet sounds escape her lips, and watched as her body shook with pleasure, my own release exploded inside of her. "Fuck...angel," I choked out as her tight pussy milked my cock of every last drop.

Both of us were gasping for breath as we came down from the high of our orgasm. I looked down at her, and a lone tear escaped down her cheek. "You okay, baby?" I asked reaching up and wiping the tear away.

She smiled at me, reached up, wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my lips to hers, softly kissing me. "Yes...I love you, E," she whispered.

"I love you too, angel, so fucking much."

I collapsed beside her as she turned and snuggled into my side. As we laid there in silence, my thoughts traced back over the entire night and how perfectly things had turned out. She knew everything now, and she still wanted me. I felt like the luckiest fucking guy on the planet.

That was until my cell phone rang. I turned and grabbed my pants from the back of the couch, pulling my cell out of my pocket and flipped it open. "Hello, Jazz," I answered.

I heard him breathing but he wasn't saying anything, "Jazz what is it, what's wrong?"

"Edward,...it's Alice!" he cried.


	14. Chapter 14 My Never

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**First off, thanks to all of you who sent your love and support when I pulled the story, I have come to learn that sometimes this fandom can be a difficult place to be. But people like you have given me the strength to see this story to the end, so Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have never claimed to be a professional author and this story has been a great learning experience for me. Now, having said that, I hope this chapter doesn't cause you guys to hunt me down and kill me LOL ! Thanks again everyone, I'm going into hiding now. :)**

**Oh, and more thanks at the bottom...just figured we should get right to it!**

**Playlist for this chapter and absolute MUST: 1."My Never" ~Blue October~ 2."Goodbye My Lover"~ James Blunt and 3. "I Miss My Friend" ~Daryyl Worley**

**~x~**

**Chapter 14 (My Never)**

**~Jasper~**

This is it, the moment I have been waiting for all night. It is time, I can't wait another minute to make this woman mine. I have known since the first moment I laid eyes on her that she would be the only woman I would ever want to spend the rest of my life with. So, down on bended knee, I look up into her beautiful eyes and take her small hand in mine.

"Marry me Ali," I smile, pulling out the ring I have picked out especially for this moment. "I love you sweetheart, you are my everything."

I have watched her condition slowly deteriorate over the last few weeks and earlier tonight l could tell she was feeling much weaker then she has been letting on. She is putting up a brave front because she feels the need to be strong for Bella, for Edward, and for me. For everyone else around her. Instead of focusing on the pain and the sickness she feels every God damned day, she wraps her arms around each and every one of us in one way or another, casting all that other shit to the side. She is the strongest, most selfless woman I know.

It is so damn important to her to make sure we will all be happy once she is gone. Little does she know that when and if that ever happens, she'll be taking a piece of all of us along with her and it will be a long time, if ever, before any of us will find the strength to recover from the gaping hole left in our hearts when she is gone.

She is the half that makes me whole. If I lose that now that I have finally found the courage to claim her as my own... well, let's just say I can't even imagine what that will do to me...

I am so afraid that we don't have much time left, and I can't bear the thought of losing her without letting her know how much she means to me, how much she has always meant to me. I don't care about the details, the fact that she is still married to my brother doesn't even enter my mind. She completes me the same way Bella completes Edward. It's the way it should have always been. The details just get in the way.

Her face lights up with the sweetest smile I have ever seen, "I love you Jasper, my life wouldn't be complete without you. Of course I'll marry you baby." Her hands reach out, cupping my face, pulling me towards her, our lips meet in what can only be described as the most passionate kiss of my life. No more words are spoken as I lift her in my arms and carry her to the bedroom.

I pull her close to me after making sweet love to her, she is exhausted, it is written all over her face. "You need to sleep, sweetheart." I whisper softly in her ear, running my fingers down the contours of her beautiful body, feeling her warmth radiate around me.

She doesn't argue, it's been a long day for her. "I love you Jazz, never forget that." She gently kisses my forehead and closes her eyes.

These are her last words to me as we drift off to sleep in each other's arms. It is the happiest moment of my life. I am content to finally have her, to know that I am the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with, regardless of the amount of time that life includes. It just doesn't matter, because as I have said before, if I only ever had one minute with her it will have always been the best moment of my life. I will never be able to ask for any more than that.

~x~~

Sometime later, I awake to find her warm, soft body missing from my arms. Feeling an immediate sense of loss, I raise myself up off the bed and call out to her, the room is pitch black so I can't see a thing. When I get no response from her, panic sets in. I jump out of bed without turning the bedside lamp on and stumble out into the hallway.

I can see light coming from under the bathroom door and breathe a momentary sigh of relief. She's fine, I tell myself. She probably can't hear me with the door closed. I knock once and whisper her name and that's when the real panic ensues. There is still no response from her. I grab the door handle, flinging the door open, screaming her name, and I look down and my fucking heart nearly stops. Because there she is, the love of my life, my sweet Alice, her pale, lifeless body laying motionless on the bathroom floor.

The doctor in me instantly takes over as I drop to my knees beside her, checking for any signs of life. This can't be it. Please God, don't let this be it! I push my fingers into her neck to feel for a pulse. There is none, she is so cold.

"NO...NO...NO...Please baby, PLEASE don't leave me," I cry, pulling her into my arms as I dial 911 on my cell.

Everything gets blurry as I can't stop the tears falling from my eyes, sitting here on this bathroom floor rocking her lifeless body back and forth in my arms. Praying to God not to take her away from me yet, I tell him over and over again how fucking wrong my earlier words were, that no amount of time will ever be enough with her, not one minute, not one month, not even a lifetime...NO! I can't live without her.

Soon I hear an EMT screaming in my ear as he tries to pry her from my arms. "Please let her go sir, let her go so I can take care of her." But I am not ready to let her go, so I fight him with every ounce of strength I have left in me. Then Edward appears right behind me, I don't even remember calling him but apparently at some point I have.

"Come on Jasper, let them do their job." He begs, reaching his arms under mine and yanking me back away from her and out into the hall.

He pushes me against the wall and tells me not to move, and I can't understand how he can be so calm. I don't realize that at this moment it is not my little brother barking orders at me, it is Edward Cullen the doctor. It is the only aspect of his life that is not controlled by his emotions. It's what I have always admired about him, his ability to turn off the outside world to focus on the situation at hand.

I just stand there and watch him, I am completely paralyzed. He gives the EMT her medical history, as he assesses her condition along with him. When he stands and turns towards me again, the expression on his face brings me to my knees. I can see it in his eyes, there is no hope, she is already gone and the sharp pain in my chest tells me I will never hold her in my arms again.

Everything seems to move in slow motion now. I look up to see Bella running down the hallway as Edward grabs her and pushes her back, blocking her view of the scene. I can see him talking to her, but can't hear a word he is saying over this loud thumping in my ears, no doubt the sound of my heart shattering into a thousand pieces. I see tears streaming down her face as she looks down at me with disbelief in her eyes.

"NO!" she screams and I watch, still unable to move as Edward pulls her down the hallway and out of the house. He returns shortly after, kneeling down in front of me.

"Jazz, come on, let me take you out of here. You have seen enough." He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me up so that I am now standing.

Still unable to grasp that she is gone from me forever, I angrily push him away. "No Edward!, I can't leave her, she needs me!"

Just as I say this, I turn to see them push her past me, past us. They are taking her away and my nightmare is just beginning. I look at Edward and for the first time tonight see his strong demeanor fade. Tears stream down his face and he is gasping for air. The last time we were both witness to something like this, is when our monster of a father was taken from our home. But it doesn't hurt like this, not after everything he had done to us...to our family. No, neither one of us feel any pain seeing him leave in a body bag. But this, this is to much to bear. Alice has never hurt anyone, never done a single thing to deserve this kind of an end.

I still can't move, can't even breathe. This can't be the end...I can't live without her, not having come so close to finally knowing what it's like to love someone so completely. I want to scream at God for taking her away from me, for playing such cruel games with peoples lives.

Edward inhales deeply and moves past me down the hall towards the bedroom without saying a word. Everything is silent now that we are alone...

Soon, loud, crashing sounds echo from down the hall. "Edward!' I scream out, stumbling towards the bedroom door.

When I get to the doorway, what I see completely breaks me. He is on his knees in the middle of the floor, leaning over a picture of him and Alice on their wedding day. The dresser the picture sat on now laying on it's side and things are strewn all over the floor. I walk over to him stunned, drop down to my knees and wrap my arms around my little brother.

He grabs tightly ahold of me, as we both start sobbing. No words are spoken, we just sit there, clinging to each other in the darkness for what seems like hours. His tears are for the girl who has shown him the meaning of the word friend and mine...mine are for the woman who has shown me the meaning of the word love.

~o~

As if trying to ingrain it into my memory so I will never forget it, I keep replaying our last night together over and over again in my head. The words we spoke, the way her beautiful body felt lying in my arms as I made love to her. Every second of it was perfect. It finally seemed like everything was starting to fall into it's rightful place. Then, as if God is playing some cruel, sick joke on me, she is gone and my whole world is turned upside down.

"Jasper, " I hear Bella say through the door, "It's almost time to go."

When I don't answer, she opens the door and peeks inside. "You okay, Jazz?"

I've heard that same question so many times over the last few days, but I still can't answer it. Was I okay...could you really ever be okay again when your everything has been taken away from you?

I look up at her with a sad smile, "I don't know if I can do this Bella, I'm just not ready to say goodbye to her yet."

She walks into the room and closes the door behind her, puts her arm around me and sits down beside me on the bed. "I know Jasper, I know...I'm not ready either. I just got her back in my life and now I have to let her go again. Life seems so unfair. We just have to try and remember the times we did have with her, cherish those times and never let them go. If we spend all of our time holding on to what should have been, none of us will ever be able to move on."

I can't even think about doing that right now, I frown, "I'm not ready to move on, Bella. I'll never be ready to move on."

She smiles again, "You will be in time, you just can't see it yet."

Standing, she puts her finger on my chin and pulls my hollow gaze to hers. "Soon you will realize that Alice would not have wanted this for you. She would have wanted you to live your life to it's fullest, she would have wanted you to be happy, Jasper." she says as she turns and walks out of the room.

Of course she would have wanted me to happy, that's all she ever wanted for anyone. But my happiness died with her. I put on my suit jacket and look at my reflection in the mirror on the dresser. I see an empty broken man staring back at me. My happiness, my soul, my very existence died with her that night...

~x~

The car ride to the church is painfully silent, Edward and I haven't spoken much since that night. I know all to well what he is feeling, but can no longer bring myself to comfort him or his broken heart. Maybe this was one of those stages of grief everyone keeps talking about. I can barely even look at him now. When I do all I can think about is all the time he had with her, all of the time he took away from me. I know in my heart none of that was his fault, but it was a reality that I was having a hard time letting go of at the moment. I know had I told him then how I really felt about Alice, he would never have married her, he would have gladly stepped aside for me but I was a coward. So maybe it wasn't him I was angry at, maybe it was myself.

I don't even notice the car coming to a stop when I hear him clear his throat, "I'm sorry Jasper...I'm so fucking sorry for all of it, for marrying her, for taking so long to realize that you were the one she was meant to be with. She loved you, she always loved you, you have to know that." I look over at him and immediately feel guilty for the things that were going through my mind. How could he have known what I was thinking?

"I know she did Edward, I asked her to marry me, you know, the last night we were together. I asked her to be my wife and she said yes." The tears come again the minute the words are out of my mouth. I haven't told a soul about this until now and hearing it out loud shreds any sense of control I have left in me.

"I'm so sorry Jazz," he says, trying to fight back the tears that are now threatening to fall.

I bury my face in my hands, and sob uncontrollably, I can't go in there...I just can't, NO I won't do this. Edward reaches over and places his hand on my shoulder and I shrug it off.

"I can't go in there Edward, PLEASE don't make me go in there."

"I'm not making you do anything you don't want to Jasper, I don't want to go myself, but I know this is the last chance I have to let Alice know what she meant to me...what she meant to all of us. I won't let her down, not this time."

He's right. As much as I would love to turn this car around and drive away from this God forsaken place, I can't do that, not to her. So after a long moment, I reach up and wipe the tears from my face, take a deep breath and open the car door.

Walking from the parking lot to the church doors feels like the longest few minutes of my life. I would be lying if I said I haven't considered turning around several times. Although I know Edward is trying to be strong for me, I can see it in his eyes and in the tears that are streaming heavily down his cheeks. That he too wanted to run, just as I did, run as far away from this place as we could possibly get.

As we approach the steps that lead to the doors of the church, I try to block out the mental images that are already flooding my mind of my sweet Alice, lying just beyond those doors. Her once beautiful face, full of life and hope, now emotionless, cold and empty, lifeless laying in that coffin. I stop and grab hold of Edward standing next to me, as my knees start to give out. Everything is spinning, I am sweating and my stomach is churning, my entire body is shaking. I bend over on the top step trying to regain some form of control over my body.

"Edward, I...," I can't get the words out. I want to tell him that I can't do this, saying goodbye to her just isn't something I am ready to do yet. But I can't speak, I can't move, Hell, I can barely even breathe.

He places one hand on my back as he holds my body steady with the other, "I know Jasper, I don't want to go in there either...but we have to, we have to do this for Ali."

It is hard for me to fathom just how much our roles had been reversed over the last few days. I have spent what feels like my entire life, trying to keep Edward from allowing his emotions to completely envelop him, failing miserably most of the time. Yet here he was now seemingly in complete control, even though I know this is killing him too. I can't help but wonder when his strong facade would crack and those emotions that I know are there just under the surface will come flooding out.

Suddenly the church doors swing open in front of us and there stands Esme, looking at us both with an expression of utter pain written across her still beautiful features. She steps out towards us, taking us both into her arms, sobbing and whispering sweet words of encouragement to us both. Esme is one of the few people who knows the truth of what has taken place over the last few weeks between the four of us, so she understands the pain that Edward and I share at this moment.

"I'm so sorry, " she chokes out. "Alice was an amazing woman, strong until the very end. As cliché' as this might sound, she's in a better place, no longer in pain. Her daily struggle with this disease is finally over. She can rest in peace now."

I have heard that a lot over the last few days, and I, too really wanted to believe she is in a better place now. But in my heart I can't help but feel the only place for her is here with me.

"Come on, boys, the service will be starting soon. We have to get inside," she says, wrapping her arms around the both of us and follows us through the doors.

The entrance to the church is littered with a sea of people whose lives Alice has touched in one way or another. At first it is difficult for me to stand back and watch Edward play the role of the grieving husband, but as I began to see the way it was wearing on him, I was almost grateful not to be in his position today.

Charlie and Bella stay close to Edward, as Esme, Carlisle and Emmet, along with his new wife Rosalie, follow beside me. We make our way up the aisle to take our seats for the service. It is almost impossible for me to describe my feelings at this moment as the crowd clears in front of us and my eyes fall on Alice laying in her casket for the first time. But I have no time to react, because Edward catches sight of her, just as I do.

He breaks free from us and slowly walks closer to her, something I am unwilling to do yet. When he reaches the casket my heart sinks as I watch him fall to his knees in front of her, sobbing loudly. Bella stands behind him trying to console him as he keeps repeating why her, over and over again while he rocks back and forth with his head in his hands. Esme rushes past me trying to get to him while I just stand there, once again unable to move. I want to go to him, to comfort him. But I just can't bring myself to do it.

It is one of the hardest things I have ever witnessed, watching him like this, not having the strength to be the big brother I am supposed to be for him. He is a grown man, I know, but he is still and always will be my little brother, and the need to make sure he is okay has always been intense for me. So in this moment when he needs me the most...I can not help but feel I am failing him in so many ways.

Everything around us has come to a standstill and all I can hear are the sobs coming from Edward as friends and family gather around to console him.

"You okay son?" Carlisle whispers, placing a hand on my shoulder, as he notices me frozen in place.

I silently shake my head as I reach up, wiping the tears from my eyes. No, I can finally answer, I will never be okay, not after this.

~x~

The next few hours feel like days, and I cringe when it is Edward's turn to stand up and read aloud a poem he has written for Alice. Fearful that he won't be able to make it through it without losing it again. But he has regained his composure for the most part and bravely stands up there reading his heartfelt words aloud. It is another one of those moments that I am grateful to be in the background, not having to put my emotions out there for all to see.

After we leave the church, we have to endure her funeral at the cemetery and without a doubt the hardest part of this is watching as they lower her casket into that cold dark hole in the ground. This is no place for my Alice, and as sick as it sounds, all I can think about is digging her up and bringing her home with me, where she will be warm and safe. Not a normal thought I'm sure, but I sure as hell can not claim to have any sense of normalcy on this day.

I watch and wait patiently for everyone to leave the grave site. This is where I have chosen to say my final goodbye to the woman I love. Alone and uninterrupted, the question is will I be able to go through with it. I kneel down in front of the hole where her coffin now rests and quietly sing her a song...a song that was ironically playing on the stereo that night, as I held her in my arms for the last time. She loved it when I sang to her, so I inhale deeply and give her the only gift I can give in this moment.

~Goodbye My Lover~

By: James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?'

Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be.

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bare my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby,

I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

My voice starts to go as the tears start to fall. All I have ever wanted, ever dreamed of having, is lost to me now. "I miss you my sweet girl, I miss you so fucking much."

I pour my heart out to her saying all of the things I should have said before she was gone but didn't. Hoping beyond hope that where ever she was now, she could hear me.

"I want you to know baby, just as the song says, you were always the one for me. I'm sorry it took so long for me to see it, to act on it. I will regret every moment not spent with you for the rest of my miserable life. But I will always be grateful for every second we shared, every stolen kiss, every smile I was ever lucky enough to witness on your beautiful face. I will thank God every day, for giving you to me even if our time together was too brief. You were my light in this everlasting darkness, and now that you're gone from me, I'm not sure that I can ever hope to see that light again."

I bring my hands up to wipe the tears from my red and swollen eyes, and pause for a long moment, not sure if I can get these final words out... "Goodbye my sweet love, I will see you in my dreams always." I choke out, as every ounce of my being breaks. I can't control it anymore, it is all just too much.

I feel a warm touch on my shoulder, causing me to open my eyes and look up. When I do, the vision before me nearly throws me over the edge. Was this a dream? I blink several times, sure that as I open my eyes again this vision will be gone. But I am wrong, this isn't a dream...she is real.

"Are you okay?" she asks in a sweet and tender voice.

"I...I don't know, who...," I trail off, unable to stop myself from staring at her.

A sad smile plays on her lips as she sits down next to me, "You must be Jasper, I'm sorry I tried to stay away, but well, you look like you could use a friend."

"How do you know who I am?" I question. The strong need to reach out and touch her, to make sure she isn't an illusion my mind has created in this moment to provide me with comfort when I desperately need it the most, overwhelms me.

She looks at me smiling, "The question is, how could I not know it, Ali never stopped talking about you."

"Alice mentioned me?" I am stunned into silence for a moment.

How...when...we'd only been together a short time, I didn't think she had ever told anyone about me. Who is this woman? Does she even realize the resemblance she has to my sweet Ali?

Same dark hair, beautiful porcelain skin, and her eyes...these are Alice's eyes. I can't help but wonder if Alice had a twin she had never told anyone about.

"Oh, Jasper, of course she mentioned you, she spoke very highly of you." A sweet smile crosses her lips as a sad expression inundates her feminine features. "You meant so much to her. You do realize that, right?"

"Who...who are you?" I question, completely puzzled.

"I'm sorry, we've never met. I'm Mary...Mary Sullivan. I'm Alice's cousin. My work keeps me away a lot, but Ali and I have managed to stay close via phone calls and emails. She mentioned you quite often through the years"

Through the years, for some strange reason knowing this brings a smile to my face, I mean I never imagined that she had mentioned me to anyone as more than her brother in law, so to hear she has somehow makes me feel, I don't know, ecstatic. This a hard thing for me to say sitting here where I am. But it really didn't surprise me that even now Alice has the ability to make me smile.

"Well, that explains it then, I guess."

"Explains what?"

"Mary, you have to know, your resemblance to her is quite remarkable."

"Oh, that," she softly chuckles "Yes, we did hear that a lot, especially when we were younger."

She pauses, looking down where Alice now lays. "I miss her, Jasper," she finally says with tear filled eyes.

"I know...me too. I would give anything to have her back right now."

She places her hand over mine and looks me in the eyes. "You were always the one you know? Never forget that, and she'll always be with you."

We sit here for what seems like hours sharing our memories of Alice, the good times along with the bad. Until the sun is setting in the horizon and both of us are exhausted, ready for this day to end. It is nice to have met someone, who, like Alice, is so easy for me to be myself with. This is not at all how I expected this day to end, but then I've come to learn, especially over the last few weeks, that life is full of many unexpected moments.

I thank her for staying with me and as we part ways we exchange phone numbers. Her last words to me are to call her if ever I need a friend to lean on. I tell her I gladly will and hope that she will do the same, and with that, I say goodbye to her. I look back at Alice as I am getting in my car, silently thanking her for every gift she has ever given me in my life and even now I know exactly who has sent Mary here today. I can't help but smile at that thought as I drive away.

**~x~**

**A/N ~ A quick thanks to my beta's Jeanne and Angel. J, thank you for always encouraging me even when I am ready to give up, and Angel thank you so much for taking my story on, I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Jackie what can I say, I am so grateful to have you as a friend, thank you so much for taking time out of your crazy busy life to proof for me...and to my new proof reader Mel Melarimo I honestly don't have words to thank you enough...I am positive I would not have made it through this chapter had it not been for you lending me your ear on a daily basis... I love you more than words can say. Oh and if you are not reading her story yet go do it now, it's fantastic...here is the link: www(dot)theramblingsofchloemasen(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**This was a tough one with lots of tears along the way, so MUCH love goes out to you all for having the patience to stick by me.**

**To Alice: I'll miss you my sweet girl! May you always rest in peace knowing that I'll take good care of YOUR Jasper :)**


	15. Chapter 15 A New Beginning

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the author. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N: Thank you so much to Jackie and Melissa! I love you both so much! XOXOX**

**Thanks to all who reviewed on the last chapter and thank you for continuing to read "From The Darkness Comes Light" Now we move on to some happier times :)**

**Chapter Playlist: 1. The Script ~For The First Time~ 2. The Fray ~You Found Me~ 3. Daughtry ~ What About Now~ 4. Hinder ~The Best Is Yet To Come~**

**~X~**

**Chapter 15 **

**A New Beginning**

**~Edward~**

**September 13th, 2010**

**~X~**

Rolling over I look at Bella lying next to me, even sound asleep she is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I can't help but think that I am the luckiest man on the face of the planet right now. I reach my hand up and brush my fingertips across her cheek for no other reason than to prove to myself that this isn't a dream, that she really is here.

"Morning baby," she whispers, opening her eyes and smiling at me.

"Good morning angel," I reply, smiling back.

"This is nice,... I think I could get used to this." she says, wrapping her arms around me.

"Used to what?" I breathe against her lips, kissing her softly.

"This," she motions between us, "waking up next to you every morning."

"Good, I hope so angel, because I'm not going anywhere." I reply, pulling her closer to me.

Bella and I just recently moved in together, after selling the house that belonged to Alice and I, it just felt like the right thing for us to do. And even though I knew from the moment I met Bella that we were meant to be together forever, nothing has made that more clear than living with her these last few weeks.

"I love you angel, happy birthday" I say, bringing my lips to hers again.

"Mmmm...I love you too baby, can I have my present now?" she moans into my mouth.

I roll us over so that I am laying on top of her, and push my hardness into her, "See what you do to me." I groan, breaking our kiss and trailing my tongue down her jaw.

She runs her hands down my back, grabbing my ass and pulling me hard against her warmth. "Show me E, show me what I do to you."

"Fuck, Bella," I moan, reaching down, sliding her panties off of her.

Her hand glides down between us, as she wraps her little fingers around my throbbing cock, positioning it at her entrance. I look into her eyes, as I push into her as far as I can and stop, nearly coming just from the sensation of her warm pussy wrapped around my dick like this, "God I fucking love you so much angel." I groan, kissing her again.

She bucks her hips, urging me on and I slowly start pumping in and out of her.

There is nothing I can compare these moments to, being with her like this. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced before in my life, and it will never make a difference how many times I make love to her. I don't think this intense feeling of two souls connecting as one, will ever go away.

"Edward, so good baby." she whimpers beneath me.

That feeling in the pit of my stomach starts to intensify when I increase my speed and I know that I won't be able to hold out much longer. I run my hand up the contours of her beautiful body, reaching her hand, I lace my fingers with hers.

"Come with me baby," I beg, kissing her deeply again.

I can feel her pussy tighten around my dick and I know she is just as close as I am.

"Oh god, E, I'm so close."

"Me too, angel, so close."

Her body starts to writhe below me, as her orgasm takes hold and I push myself into her hard one last time, as my entire body comes undone.

"Fuck, Bella, god damn you feel so fucking good." I groan against her lips as my cock explodes inside of her.

We both lay here motionless, entangled in each others arms, trying to come down from the high of our orgasms. Finally my breathing starts to become normal again, and I pull myself up to look at her.

"Uhmm...yeah baby, I'm pretty sure I could get used to this every day." she says chuckling.

"Good," I say again. "because I think my dick could get used to it too, angel." I say with a smirk.

She laughs, pushes me off of her and sits up. "I have to get ready, I'm going to be late again."

Looking over at the alarm clock on the table I realize I will be too, if I don't get up and get my ass in gear.

"Shit, me too," I say, standing and grabbing her hand, pulling her into the bathroom.

"Wait, what are you doing? " she grumbles behind me.

"Saving time," I grin, pulling her into the flow of the water.

She laughs, steps towards me and places a chaste kiss on my lips. "Saving time huh, now I know I'm going to be late." she smiles, as she wraps her arms around me and presses her lips to mine again.

**~X~**

"Coffee?" she asks, holding up a cup, as I make my way into the kitchen.

"Yes, thank you." I say taking the cup with one hand, and wrapping my other arm around her.

"I have to go, early surgery. But I was wondering...," I trailed off, thinking ahead to my plans for tonight.

"Wondering what?" she questions.

"Well, if you'll let me take you out tonight to celebrate your birthday."

"I don't know Edward, I'm not sure today is anything to celebrate" she frowns, pulling away, and turning the other way.

I know what she is worried about, it's why I've been afraid to mention it in the first place. I need to reassure her that just because we lost Alice last year on her birthday, doesn't mean she can never celebrate it again.

I reach my hand up pulling the hair that is laying across her shoulder behind her and kiss her neck. "It's okay angel, Alice would have wanted this. She would have wanted you to be happy, never doubt that." I whisper in her ear.

She turns around, looks up at me, with tears in her eyes, "Okay E, let's do this then... for Alice."

"That's my girl," I say grinning wide and pulling her in for one more hug before turning towards the door.

I open the door and look over at her, "I'll pick you up after work, bye angel."

"Goodbye Edward," she says waving at me with a smile.

**~X~**

It's been exactly a year since Alice passed away, and if losing her has taught me anything at all; it's that time is precious and should NEVER be taken for granted. That's what we've all done for so long, sit back and wait. Hoping against hope that fate will at some point intervene, and fix all the fucking mistakes we've made in our lives.

But losing my best friend has helped me to realize that we can't just sit back and wait for those things to happen, because if we do that, when we actually do figure out what we want and decide to go after it, it may already be too late.

That's exactly what happened to my brother, and having to watch him come so close to getting everything he's ever wanted, only to have it ripped away from him, has probably been the most difficult thing about all of this. I don't want to end up like Jasper. Although he has come a long way since that fateful day last September, I know just as he does deep down, that he will never completely be whole again.

"Hey Edward, you wanted to see me?" I hear Jasper ask, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, please come in and sit." I say motioning to the seat in front of my desk.

He walks in my office, closes the door, walks over and sits down. "What is it, is something wrong?" he questions.

I have been dreading this conversation with Jasper for weeks now, but I have put it off long enough. It's time for me to start living the life I was supposed to have, instead of settling for what I thought I deserved.

I stood up, walked around to the front of my desk and sat down in the seat beside him. " How are you Jasper?" I question, not because I am trying to put off the inevitable, and not because today is the anniversary of Alice's death, but because I really just want to know how my brother is.

Jasper and I don't talk much these days, I think he intentionally avoids me at times, because he can't deal with seeing Bella and I together, it reminds him too much of what he almost had with Alice. Which is what makes what I am about to tell him that much harder.

"I'm fine Edward, why?"

He looks over at me, and something flashes in his eyes, maybe it is only for a second, but I still see it nonetheless. He puts on a good show for everyone, but even after a year has passed, I can still see it in his eyes, he is not okay.

"Come on Jazz, it's me. You can still talk to me you know?"

He shifts in his seat and looks down. "Edward, what is this really about? I have patients to see." he says, as my cell phone starts to ring in my pocket.

I pull it out, and see Bella's name flash on the screen and immediately put it back in my pocket. _I'll call her back later_. "Not important, it can wait." I say, looking up at him.

"Since when is Bella not important?" he replies, with a smirk on his face.

I smile, and shake my head. "Look Jasper, I asked you to come here because I have something important I want to talk to you about, something that I'm afraid won't be easy for you to hear, especially today. But you're my brother, and I want to share it with you first." I say nervously.

"What is it Edward?" he asks, concern lacing his expression.

I take a deep breath and sit up in my chair, "I've decided to ask Bella to marry me, tonight." I whisper, barely audible, looking everywhere in the room but at him.

There is a long pause, which scares me a little and then finally he clears his throat. "Well it's about fucking time," he chuckles. "I was beginning to think you were always going to be a pussy Edward, good to know I was wrong."

"Fuck you," I start to laugh, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Why were you so afraid to tell me that?" he questions.

"W-what do you mean?" I ask, trying to hide my stupidity.

"Come on Edward, since I walked into the room, it's like you've been walking on egg shells around me. I'm not that fragile you know."

"I'm sorry Jazz, I guess maybe I just thought...," he sat up cutting me off.

"Let me guess, you thought because of Alice, I wouldn't be happy for you? That somehow hearing that you and Bella will get to have the life I was deprived of might, I don't know, destroy me or something?"

"W-well yeah, I guess maybe that is what I thought."

"Don't be ridiculous Edward," he scoffs, standing and walking over to the window, looking out. "Look, baby brother, after everything that we have all been through in this life do you really believe that for one fucking minute I wouldn't be happy that you, out of all of us, would be the one to get your happy ending?"

My breath catches at his words, "You'll get your happy ending too, Jasper, in time. I know you will." I say.

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I mean, I certainly hope that I do, but if losing Alice has taught me anything, Edward, it's that no matter what happens, or what my future holds, I'll be okay with it and you should be too. That way Alice's death will have never been in vain. She changed us E, in every way she possibly could. She helped show me that I am capable of feeling, of loving. She showed me that my heart is not dead. And you, she showed you, E, that you are not defined by your actions, that you are so much more than that. What we choose to do with the gifts she gave us is up to us now."

I stood up, walking towards him, tears filling my eyes. "I-I don't know what to say Jasper," I choke out, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him in for a hug.

He pulls away and looks at me, and the corner of his mouth lifts into a crooked grin. "Just promise one thing, E."

"What's that?" I ask curiously.

"That you won't make me wear one of those monkey suits to your wedding." he answers laughing.

"Fuck that, bro," I chuckle. "You don't have a choice, if you're going to be my best man."

"Really?" he questions, looking at me.

"Of course, Jazz, who else would I ask? You're my brother and my best friend."

A single tear escaped down his cheek as his eyes met mine, "To new beginnings, Edward," he whispers, pulling me in for another hug.

"Yeah, to new beginnings for us both, Jasper."

We stood there in silence for awhile, just hugging, before he spoke again. "There's just one more thing, Edward."

"What?" I question, pulling away to look at him.

"Bella has to say yes first!" he says with a smirk.

"Yeah,...Wait, you don't think she would actually say no, do you?" I ask nervously.

He threw his head back and laughed hard. "Oh Edward," he says smiling at me "I think she would be a fool if she did."

**~X~**

Soon after Jasper leaves my office, I am just about to pick up my phone and call Bella back, when there is a knock on the door. "Come in." I call out, dropping my phone back in my pocket. The door opens, and in walks my mother.

Smiling, I stand up and walk around the desk, taking her in my arms, "Mom, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?" I ask, completely surprised to see her.

"Yes sweetheart, everything's fine. I just stopped by to let you know everything is taken care of for tonight, all of your instructions followed to the letter." she answers smiling wide.

"Thanks mom, I couldn't do this without you, I hope you know that." I say, pulling her in close and kissing the top of her head.

"Uhmmm...Edward, there is one more thing I would like to talk to you about." she says pulling away, walking over to the chair, sitting down and rummaging through her purse, pulling out a little black box. "Come sit down." she pats the seat next to her.

I walk over and sit down, a little confused as to where this is going, "E-Esme, mom, are you sure everything's okay?"

"Edward, I know I'm not your real mother, but you have never been anything else to me but a real son. I loved you from the moment I saw you as that beautiful, broken little boy in that horrid foster home. There has never been any doubt for me that you and Jasper both belonged with Carlisle and I, and no one knows better than I, the battles you have had to overcome within yourself to get to where you are today."

"Mom, I-I don't know what to say, except that you have to know, in my eyes, you are the only REAL mother I have ever known. I have never thought of you as anything less. You have given Jasper and I the kind of love that most sons could only dream of. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not so thankful that you chose that foster home to walk into that day."

"Fate is a funny thing, Edward, it has a way of showing us the way, even when we are too blind to see it clearly ourselves. I believe with everything in me that fate is what brought Carlisle and I to you and your brother that day. We were meant to find you, to love you. Just as fate saw to it to bring Bella into your life. You two were meant to be together, no matter the road you took to get here. The fact is you're here together, and the two of you have a love that can't be undone by anyone or anything." she says, taking my hand and placing the little black box in it.

"W-what's this?" I question, with tears in my eyes.

"That, Edward, is the ring your father proposed to me with," she smiles, reaching up to wipe my tears away, "I want you to have it now, I mean, I want Bella to have it. As a symbol of a love that only comes along once in a lifetime, and as a reminder of how very lucky the two of you are that fate chose you. To shine it's light on, to help guide you through all the darkness you've had to endure."

"I love you mom," I cry, wrapping my arms around her.

"I love you too son, never forget that."

**~X~**

I have one more stop to make before I can pick up Bella, and it's probably the moment I've been dreading the most, all day. I pull into Charlie's driveway, and turn the engine off. I am finding it difficult to breathe, I know what Charlie thinks of me, in his eyes I have never been good enough for his daughter. But I have decided that if I am going to do this right, I have to at least try and get his approval. Don't get me wrong, whether he gives me his blessing or not I fully intend to marry his daughter. But I would much rather have him walking by her side down the aisle, than fighting us every step of the way.

I take a deep breath and open the car door, closing it behind me, and slowly walk up the front porch steps. Just as I raise my hand to knock, the door opens. I look up to see Charlie standing there with a puzzled look on his face.

"Edward, what are you doing here?"

"Can I come in, Charlie, there's something I need to discuss with you."

"Yeah, come on in." He steps to the side, never taking his eyes off of me and motions me into the house.

"Thank you," I reply, stepping through the doorway.

"Have a seat, Edward," he says, gesturing to the sofa.

I do as he says and sit, nervously tapping my fingers on my knee.

"What is this about?" he questions curiously.

I look over at him, finding it difficult to concentrate over my thumping heart. "It's about Bella and I, sir."

He sits back in his chair and sighs heavily, staring at me in silence, for what feels like hours. I can't tell if he is just annoyed with me, or if he is intentionally doing this because he senses how fucking scared I am.

"Go on." he finally says.

I decide in that moment that I'm just going to come out with it, there is no point in beating around the bush. "Well s-sir, I would like to ask your daughter to marry me and I would like your blessing to do so." I spit out, nearly choking as I say the words.

Again, silence. I look down at my wristwatch and watch the seconds tick by. I start to question whether or not this is a good idea at all. Sitting here waiting, all those memories from the past start to surface once again.

**~Flashback~**

"Bella please, please just talk to me." I screamed, beating on her front door. Everything I have done today flashes in front my eyes like a near death experience or something, because that's what this feels like. I am dying inside knowing what I have done to her.

It's pouring down rain, and I'm soaking wet, but I don't give a fuck. I will stand out here for the rest of my fucking life if that's what it takes to get her to talk to me.

"Please Bella, please come out and talk to me" I begged, still banging on the door, as I dropped to my knees from exhaustion. The coke is still lingering in my system and I have no idea what time it is, or even how long I have been here. Hell, I don't even know how l got here.

Suddenly the front door opens and for a brief second I am smiling inside because I believe my persistence has finally paid off and she is finally going to talk to me. But looking up, all that hope comes crashing down as I feel his hand come up and grab my shirt collar, dragging me down off the front porch. He flings me to the muddy ground and even if I wanted to, I don't have any strength left in me to fight him.

"You are not welcome here any more, Edward Cullen, after what you've done to Bella tonight, you will never be welcome here again. If you don't get out of here right now, I will haul your ass down to the station and arrest you for trespassing. Do I make myself clear?"

"Please, Charlie, I just need to talk to her, explain to her, PLEASE!" I begged with every ounce of strength I had left.

"NO! Bella wants nothing to do with you anymore Edward, you need to get that through your head. She will never forgive you after what you have done. Now get the fuck out of here and don't come back!"

I laid there, the rain pelting down over my face, crying and curled up in a fetal position. The full impact of what I have done hitting home with his words. _She will never forgive me for what I have done, She will never forgive me ...I repeated over and over again. It's over , I've lost her and there is no one to blame for it but myself._

He walks away, returning moments later, jacket on, and keys in hand. He grabs my collar again and drags me to his squad car. "Alright Edward, you asked for this!" he screamed, opening the door and throwing me in.

He walks around the car, opens the driver's side door and gets in. He starts the car and backs out of the driveway. He doesn't say another word to me, and I have no idea where he is taking me, until I see my house as we come to a stop in my driveway.

He shuts the car off and turns to me. "I'm going to say this one more time, Edward, you are not to come near my daughter again, you have done enough damage." he growled, opening the car door and stepping out. A few seconds later I feel the passenger door fling open and once again he forcibly grabs my shirt and flings me to the ground out of the car.

"I'm so sorry." is all I can mange to say now.

I hear arguing in the distance, it's Carlisle's voice, I'm sure of it. "You have no idea what you're talking about Charlie, no idea at all what he has been through."

"I don't give a shit what he has been through Carlisle, you keep him away from Bella." Charlie yells back and it's the last thing I hear before everything goes black..

The next thing I remember I wake up in my bed, still covered in mud, still soaking wet. Esme is laying next to me, her arms wrapped around me. "I'm so sorry Edward." she sobs, as I drift out of consciousness again.

The next time I wake, I am clean and dry, and alone. I don't know how long I've been here but the pain of my loss feels heavy in my chest. I know there is no hope after what I have done. I've lost her and I will never get her back.

**~Flash forward~**

"Edward, hello Edward, you okay?" I hear Charlie say, as I snap back to the present.

"Y-yes, sorry." I reply, the memory of that day still lingering in my mind.

"You sure, you look kind of pale all the sudden?"

"Y-yeah I'm fine," I lean forward in my seat. "Charlie, I think there's something more I need to say, I need to apologize to you for my behavior that night, it was stupid, childish, desperate...there is no excuse for what I did to Bella back then, and I really don't blame you if that is something you can never forgive me for. But I think you should know, I'm a different person now, I'm not that same stupid immature boy I was back then. I love your daughter sir, more than words could ever say."

He eyes me again, suddenly stands up and walks over to the sofa and sits down beside me, turns towards me and inhales deeply. "Edward, what you did back then, to Bella I mean, in any other circumstance may very well be unforgivable. But your situation is not a normal circumstance, and if anyone should be apologizing it's me. I didn't know then about the news you were given that day, nor did I know anything about what happened to you prior to the Cullens adopting you. I need you to understand, I am not condoning your behavior, but you were so young, and had so many things to deal with that no adult, let alone a boy of your age, should ever have to deal with. So I guess what I am trying to say is, Edward, I think you've turned into a fine man despite the horrors you have had to endure in your life, and that is something you should be proud of and never apologize for and I would be very pleased to call you my son-in-law."

"Really?" I smile, stunned.

"Absolutely Edward, I think Bella is lucky to have you in her life and I've never seen her happier than she is right now." he replies, smiling back.

"Thank you sir."

"Edward," he says.

"Yes sir?"

"Please call me Charlie, or dad anything but sir. It makes me feel old." he replies, laughing.

"Okay, Sir-I mean Charlie, I mean dad."

**~X~**

Bella steps out of her building onto the sidewalk and I watch her for a brief moment as she turns towards me leaning against the car. When she notices me, a beautiful smile lights up her face,...and once again I can't help but feel I am the luckiest man on the face of the planet. _Soon I hope to call this woman my wife. _I think to myself, as she starts across the street towards me. I open my arms, taking her in when she reaches me, bring my lips to hers and kiss her deeply. "Happy Birthday Angel, " I whisper, pulling away. "Ready to go?"

"Yes, E, I don't think I've ever been more ready." she says, as I open the car door for her and she slips in.


	16. Chapter 16 Marry Me

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.

Thanks so much to Melissa (Melarimo) for always supporting me and listening to my endless whining lol. Thank you Jackie for everything you do, you both are amazing and I am so lucky to have you in my life!

Sorry it took so long for this update, and thanks to all of you who have stuck by me and this story!

Chapter Playlist: Marry Me by Train

**~Xx~**

**(Marry Me)**

**~Edward~**

I had one last thing I had to do before picking Bella up from work. This was the one thing I had put off until last because it was by far the hardest thing I would have to do. But, there was no question in my mind that if I were going to start a new life with Bella and be free from my past, this was just something I had to do to accomplish that.

Pulling into the parking lot of the cemetery brought back a rush of memories that I'd tried so hard to forget. I hadn't been able to bring myself here since that day one year ago. Saying goodbye to Alice wasn't something I was sure I would be able to do, and now that I am here, I am more unsure than ever if I will be able to go through with it. Sounds cowardly, I know, but in my heart I guess I feel if I don't say goodbye, she will never really be gone.

Clearly my head knows that she is really gone and she is never coming back, but if my head and my heart always worked together, then maybe none of this shit would have ever happened in the first place.

When I got out of my car and started up the path toward her, my heart started to race, my head began to swim, and the closer that I came to where I knew she laid, the more difficult I found it to breathe. As I rounded the corner on the path her headstone came into view, and I had to stop for a brief moment as I felt that familiar pain in the pit of my stomach creep up again, causing me to double over right there.

As the wave of nausea subsided, I stood upright again and slowly made my way to her headstone, dropping to my knees in front of it, as I read the words aloud that I had written to be placed on it, for the first time.

**Mary Alice Cullen**

"My loving wife and best friend .

you did more than exist,

you lived.

You did more than listen,

You understood.

Rest in peace, my beautiful friend,

for I shall have none,

until you are by my side again."

As the last words echoed in the air around me, the tears welled up in my eyes and began to streak down my cheeks. It wasn't until this very moment I realized just how much Alice's departure from my life had affected me. I placed my head in my hands and made no effort to stop the tears from falling.

She deserved to be mourned and cried for; she was such an amazing woman, with a beautiful soul that can never be duplicated. She lived every damn second of her life showing everyone who came in contact with her what the meaning of the word "Sacrifice" really means.

"Fuck, Ali!" I cried, raising my head, still refusing to wipe the tears from my face as I said, she deserves them and so much more. "I miss you so damn much! Everyday, for a split second when I wake up in the morning, I am oblivious to the fact that you are gone and that split second is amazing, full of joy and happiness. Until reality comes crashing down on me, and I realize that you are gone and never again will I be able to look into your eyes or hear your sweet voice. God, what I wouldn't give for that...just one more time. There are so many things I want to say to you, so many things that should have been said long ago. I'm so sorry, my sweet girl, for holding you back from the things you really wanted in your life. I should have let you go long before I did; instead I held on to you like the selfish bastard that I am, never taking into consideration once that it might not be what was best for you. I know deep down inside my brother must hate me, and he has every fucking right to. After all, I kept his happiness from him for most of his life and then just when he had finally gotten it, you were ripped from him as though he didn't deserve to have it. And you and I both know that's not the case, no one is more deserving of it than Jasper. I will never be able to repay the two of you for the time stolen away from you. You gave me so many gifts, taught me so many things, never asking for a single thing in return. And now I will never get the chance to give it all back to you, to show you how much you being in my life meant to me. I can only hope that wherever you are, you are looking down on me, because if it takes the rest of my life, I will make you proud of me and become the man you always knew I could be. I love you, Alice, and I will never forget you and what your presence in my life did for me. Goodbye, my best friend."

After kneeling there motionless for what seemed like hours, trying to pull myself from the darkness that I was spiraling towards again, I managed to somehow bring myself to a standing position. I placed the single white rose I had brought for Ali on the top of her headstone and rested my hand there as though it were her I was actually touching. Forcing myself to break contact, I glanced at my watch, realizing the time.

"Shit, Bella." I screamed out loud, as I turned to make my way back to the car. When I reached the path I twisted around one last time to look towards my friend and mouthed the words "forever my best friend", turned around, and headed down the path.

**~X~**

What does it feel like to love someone so completely that to imagine your life without them causes you actual physical pain? A pain that goes so deep, you feel it to your very core? _I know that pain..._I think to myself, grasping my chest.

Barely able to breathe, I remember what that pain feels like. It's like someone reaching inside of you, grabbing hold of your beating heart and ripping it from you. Leaving you cold and empty, unable to feel any emotion at all. You're not dead though; no, death would be a relief at this point. Instead, you're left to face every day with the knowledge that you once held something so precious in the palm of your hand, and in the blink of an eye, you fucked it all away.

What does it feel like to live your life day after day, year after year, with this knowledge? Convinced that fate will never allow you another chance to right all the wrongs you've committed.

What does it feel like when suddenly, out of nowhere, a light shines into your darkness, awakening that cold dead heart and springing it to life once again. Showing you that you were wrong, fate had not given up on you, that, in fact, you were the one who had given up on fate.

These are the thoughts running through my head, as I watch her from across the street. She looks around and doesn't see me, and a small frown forms on her lips. With the sound of my voice calling out to her, she turns her head and our eyes meet, turning that frown into the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. _The light shining into my darkness...like the sun shining through the clouds on a stormy day._

As she crosses the street towards me, that amazing smile lights up my whole world...I can't help but smile back as I repeat this prayer over and over again inside my head. Thank you, God, for not seeing me as a lost cause. Thank you for giving me my angel back, and please give me the strength to never send her away again.

I open my arms wide as she comes near, and wrap them around her, feeling her warmth.. her light.. her sun, radiate around me. Never have I felt more at home...more at peace, more sure of what I want than I do right at this moment. _Marry me..._I almost blurt out, thankfully stopping myself before I do. It would be just like me to ruin even that, so I move quickly to open her car door, momentarily distracting myself.

"Your carriage awaits, M'lady" I say, smiling at her and gesturing toward the car.

"Why, thank you, kind sir," she replies with a chuckle, stepping off the curb and climbing into the passenger seat.

Before closing the door, I bend down and reach into the backseat behind her, pulling out her first of many birthday gifts, "Happy birthday, angel." I whisper, leaning in to kiss her sweet lips.

"Thank you, E, they are beautiful," she whispers, looking up at me.

"Not near as beautiful as you are, Bella," I say, closing the car door and practically sprinting to the driver's side.

As I start the car I hear her mumble, "A new beginning," looking down at the little white bell-shaped flowers in her hand.

"Yeah, how did you know that?" I ask.

"I worked in a small flower shop while in college. Studying different flowers and their meanings sort of became a hobby of mine. Choosing these for me wasn't just a random decision, was it?"

"No, it wasn't. I chose them because of their meaning. This, here and now, is our new beginning, angel. I need you to know that you are everything to me, and that if I have to spend the rest of my life proving that to you, I will, without question."

She smiled at me and turned to look out the window without saying a word. _I mean every word of it, Bella...for the rest of my life, _I thought to myself,as I put the car in gear and pulled out into traffic.

**~X~**

**~Bella~**

"Keep your eyes closed, Bella. No peeking," I heard him say from the driver's seat.

"Where are we going, Edward?" I whined.

"It wouldn't be much of a surprise if I told you, now, would it?" he chuckled, as I felt the car come to a stop and the engine turn off. "Okay, you can open them now, baby," he whispered.

I smiled and opened my eyes wide, and I was suddenly transported back in time to another night much like this one...there stood the cabin in front of us, thousands of white twinkling lights lit up the whole outside and I looked over at Edward, shock on my face. "E...h-how..." He brought his finger up, placing it on my lips, and cut me off.

"It doesn't matter, Bella. I have a chance for a do over, and trust me, this time I will not fuck it up! Happy birthday, angel," he said with that crooked grin on his face that I love so much.

He turned, opened the car door and stepped out, walked over to my side of the car and opened the door, holding his hand out to me. I reached up, taking it, still in awe of how amazing that old cabin looked.

"Thank you, E, it's j-just beautiful," I choked out.

"Baby, don't thank me, if I could give you the moon I would...nothing is too much for you," he said, smiling.

I slipped out of the car with his help and wrapped my arms around him, as he bent over and reached under my legs, picking me up so that he was cradling me in his arms, and walked us up the front porch steps.

And just like that night so long ago, there were candles lit all over, a fire was already going in the fireplace... rose petals were strewn all over everything, and I was left dazed and confused as to how he managed all of this on his own. I looked up at him as he sat me down on my feet.

"I-it's so..." I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence, reaching up on my tiptoes to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around my hips as his hands trailed up my back. His fingers wound in my hair, and he pulled me closer to him, deepening the kiss. Our breathing became erratic and all I could think about was his body so close to mine. I would never get enough of him.

He pulled away, cleared his throat and adjusted himself, making me chuckle. "Uhmm.. you hungry, angel?" he asked with a smirk, walking me over to a table set for two.

I giggled again at the sight before me, "Chinese again, E?"

He laughed right along with me. "I told you a do-over, remember?" he said, smiling, as he pulled my chair out and motioned for me to sit. He disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with the Chinese food in hand, and I couldn't help but laugh again as he set it down on the table.

Edward was very quiet during dinner. I would occasionally glance in his direction just to make sure he was still there, and would find him staring into space, lost in deep thought.

"Edward," I said, reaching over and tugging on his arm, trying to bring him back to the here and now.

"Sorry..," he whispered, looking up at me with a smile. "How's your food?"

"The food is fine, E, the better question is what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"Come on, Edward, you haven't said two words to me since you sat down at the table. What are you thinking about so intensely?"

"S-sorry," he said again, and this time the smile left his face as he looked down at the table.

"Edward, what is it?" I asked.

"It's nothing, B, I've just been thinking a lot about fate lately."

"Fate?" I questioned, taking his hand in mine.

He slowly looked up at me and I saw that same look in his eyes that was there earlier...only this time it was pretty clear what it was that I was seeing in those beautiful green eyes of his...determination.

"Yeah...I mean, how it brought you to me all those years ago, how I fucked it up, and even after everything I did, fate still saw to it to bring you back into my life just when I needed you most. Isabella..." he said, standing up and walking over to me.

Edward rarely called me Isabella...so when I heard it slip from his lips my heart nearly skipped a beat, "E, w-what are you doing?" I asked, watching him drop down to one knee in front of me as he took my hand in his.

"Look, angel, I thought I had this all planned out...I mean _exactly _how I wanted this night to go...but I need to do this now, before I lose the will and that coward living inside of me breaks free again."

He looked up at me, and the intensity burning in his eyes made my heart race, as the words he had just spoken started to register with me. _Was he..._

_"_Edward, I-I..." I stuttered.

"Shhhh...let me do this, angel," he groaned, as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. _Oh my God...he really is...Oh God..._

"Edward..." I choked out, tears already falling down my cheeks..

"Isabella Marie Swan, I've loved you from the very first moment I saw you standing there in that parking lot. When you opened your mouth to speak to me in biology class for the first time, I knew my life would never be the same. I can't tell you what knowing that felt like, even then. I was lost, Bella, completely lost… and you brought your light into my life and helped me find my way in the darkness that threatened to consume me. I was young and stupid though, I didn't believe that I deserved to be saved from that darkness. So I did everything I could to push you and that beautiful light away. I watched you walk out of my life, and when you did, I was more convinced than ever that I didn't deserve the happiness that seemed to radiate from you. I've spent the last thirteen years of my life regretting every moment not spent with you. I see it now, B, I feel it, that light come to save me from myself again. This time I won't be blind to it though, this time I welcome that light into my darkness because I know that it's what completes me. You, angel, you are what completes me; and if you'll let me, I will spend every moment of the rest of my life showing you how much I love you, how much I have always loved you. Marry me, Bella, please.."

Unable to contain my emotions, I jumped out of my seat and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his sweet lips and nearly knocking him over. "Yes, Edward, yes...yes...yes!" I repeated over and over again in between kisses.

"Really yes?" he questioned.

"Yes, E...I love you, of course I'll marry you!"

"Really?" He asked again in disbelief.

"Edward," I whispered, looking him right in the eyes. "Did you doubt for one second that I would say yes? I've been dreaming of this moment almost since the very first time I met you all those years ago. Baby, I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my life, of course I want to be your wife. I have never wanted anything more. Now, put that ring on my finger, Mr. Cullen!"

"Bella, I love you..." he said with tears forming in his beautiful green eyes, as he took my hand and carefully slipped the ring on my finger.

I looked down, admiring the way the ring looked on my hand, "It's so beautiful, E."

"Not as beautiful as you, Angel," he said, bringing his hand up and brushing my cheek.

**~X~**

**~Edward~**

What does it feel like to love someone so completely, that when you hear them utter one simple three letter word, it changes everything you ever thought to be true about yourself? With that one simple word, her light finally breaks through the last shards of darkness lingering in your heart. Confirmation is given, and the realization slowly sinks in that you will never suffer her absence from your life again.

This was the last thought lingering on my mind when Bella crushed her lips to mine again. There were no coherent thoughts after that. The entire world disappeared, and it was just her and I lost here in this moment that I would never forget.

I reached up, taking her face in my hands, and pulled her to me, deepening the kiss. This wasn't like the kiss from only moments ago. This kiss was full of longing, all of my years waiting for this moment, all pent up in this one kiss. I wanted her like I had never wanted anything in my life.

"Bella,.. I need you, baby." I groaned against her lips, as my hands frantically moved to pull her shirt from her body.

"Mmmm,...I'm all yours, E," she whispered, running her fingers through my hair.

Throwing her shirt somewhere behind us, I reached around her and unclasped her bra. Leaning back, I watched as it slowly slid down her milky white shoulders until her beautiful round breasts were bare before me.

My breath caught at the sight of her and every part of my body trembled in anticipation of being inside of her. I wrapped my arms under her legs and lifted us to a standing position. I started towards the bedroom down the hall as she reached down and pulled my shirt from me, dropping it to the floor. Her fingers trailed down my chest to my jeans, popping the button and sliding her hand inside my boxers. Wrapping her fingers around my aching cock, my knees nearly gave out at the sensation of her touch.

"Fuck, angel,.." I groaned, as I stopped in my tracks, pushing her up against the wall to regain my composure before I dropped her, and kissed her again. Unfortunately, kissing her did nothing for my composure. The taste of her on my lips made the ache in my cock that much stronger.

I couldn't wait till we got to the bedroom, I needed her now, like I needed air to breath. So I reached down between us, springing my dick free from my pants, and reached under her skirt, ripping her panties from her. I pushed myself into her as far as I could go, nearly putting her through the wall in the process. Both of us screamed out loud from the feeling of it, and I had to pause for a moment just to keep from coming right there.

"So good, don't stop please..." she begged.

I had no choice but to comply, I would deny her nothing. So I started moving slowly in and out of her, her pussy was so wet, so warm, so tight. Damn, if I could stay buried in her like this forever, God knows I would. But my dick had other plans, and before I knew it I was on the edge again, just barely hanging on.

"B, I'm going to cum baby, so close..." I groaned.

Just as I said that, I exploded inside of her. My orgasm was so intense, I swear to all that is holy that I saw stars, and my knees nearly gave out again.

"Oh God, E,..." I heard her moan as she felt my hot liquid spill into her, sending her over the edge of blissful pleasure too.

I watched as her orgasm took over her body, and fuck, if it wasn't the sexiest thing I have ever seen. Her body writhed and she called out my name over and over, instantly making my dick hard again.

I stood there for a long time, holding her, both of us trying to come down from the high of our orgasm. When I was sure I could move without falling on my ass, I lowered her down on her feet and bent over, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

"That was...incredible," I said with a smirk.

She smiled and looked down at my still rock-hard cock, reached out and wrapped her hand around it, and looked up at me with a devilish look in her eyes.

"It was...ready for round two?" she asked, with a sultry voice, never taking her hand of my dick, and pulling me towards the bedroom.

Several rounds later, I found myself lying next to Bella as she slept peacefully. I had no intentions of sleeping. This had been the best night of my life, and the longer I could stay awake to relish in it the better.

The only woman I have ever really loved agreed to become my wife tonight. I never wanted to forget what it felt like when she said yes, because it was the first time in my life that I didn't question whether or not I deserved to be happy. She wanted me as much as I wanted her, and who was I to think that there could ever be any wrong in that.

After watching her for awhile and not wanting to wake her, I rolled out of bed as quietly as I possibly could, which was not fucking easy, considering my body felt like it had just run a marathon, and damn if my dick didn't get hard again just at the thought of having her one more time.

"Down, boy," I whispered looking down at my cock, as I grabbed my jeans off the floor and slid them on. On my way out of the bedroom I picked up my guitar, which hadn't been touched in far too long, and made my way out to the living room.

I sat down on the couch with my guitar in hand, in front of the barely burning fire, and thought about everything that had happened tonight. And before I knew it, my fingers were playing the notes to a familiar tune, one that I had heard so much lately, one that expressed exactly what I was feeling right now.

**~X~**

**~Bella~**

I woke up to the sound of music coming from down the hall. At first I thought I was dreaming, it had been so long since I had heard Edward play his guitar, but as I heard his voice start to sing that beautiful song, I realized it wasn't a dream and quickly slid out of bed. Not even taking the time to put clothes on, I walked down the hall, stopping just as I got to the living room, so I could watch and listen to him without startling him.

Forever can never be long enough for me, to  
Feel like I've had long enough with you.  
Forget the world now we won't let them see,  
But there's one thing left to do.

Now that the weight has lifted.  
Love has surely shifted my way.  
Marry me,  
today and every day.  
Marry me,  
If I ever get the nerve to say  
Hello in this cafe.  
Say you will.  
Mm-hmm  
Say you will.  
Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me, to  
Feel like I am close enough to you.  
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you  
and you're beautiful.  
Now that the wait is over  
and love and has finally shown her my way.  
Marry me,  
today and every day  
Marry me,  
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe.  
Say you will.  
Mm-hmm  
Say you will.  
Mm-hmm

Promise me,  
you'll always be,  
happy by my side.  
I promise to,  
sing to you,  
when all the music dies.  
Marry me,  
today and everyday.  
Marry me,  
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe.  
Say you will.  
Mm-hmm  
Say you will.  
Marry me  
Mm-hmm

I stood there as the last note slipped from his lips, tears filling my eyes. I was the luckiest woman in the world to know that this beautiful man loved me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me. After everything that we had been through, it was really a dream come true to find myself here in this moment.

"You look amazing standing there like that, in the moonlight." I heard him say, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Oh Edward," I said, as the tears spilled over and I reached up, wrapping my arms around him. "That was beautiful."

"Yeah, well my inspiration for it wasn't half bad, either," he smirked, eyeing my naked form.

I loved to see him like this, it was so different than the usual broken man I was used to seeing. And to know that I may have played a part, however big or small, in making him happy, was an incredible feeling.

"I love you, E," I whispered.

"I love you too, angel," he replied, reaching in his pocket. "Oh, I almost forgot about this. Happy Birthday, baby," he smiled, dangling a silver bracelet in front of my face that was an exact match to the necklace he had given me of his mother's.

"Edward, it's..." I started to say, as he brought his finger up, placing it on my lips.

"Shhh...hold out your wrist, sweetheart."

I did as he asked, and he wrapped the bracelet around my wrist and clasped it, turning it around so I could see the silver heart-shaped locket dangling from it, and the inscription on it.

Bella,

From my

darkness,

comes

your light.

"I-I don't know what to say," I whispered.

"Don't say anything angel, just kiss me," he replied, reaching down, picking me up, and carrying me back towards the bedroom.


	17. Chapter 17 The Beginning Of The End

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.**

**A/N I have chosen to include my outtake "Remember Me" with this chapter because if you haven't read it, then this chapter won't make much sense to you.**

**"Remember Me" was done in Elizabeth's POV and gives a glimpse inside her troubled mind.**

**This "From The Darkness Comes Light" outtake was written by me for Fandom Against Domestic Violence. Thank you so much to my talented friends Melissa (Chloe Masen) if you haven't checked out her stories yet please do so here: http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2550314/Chloe_Masen and my beautiful proof reader TwiMoments (Jackie), without you guys I would be lost.**

**As always, thank you to my readers, please leave some love or hate, either way I will forever appreciate your feedback! xoxo**

**~x~**

**'From The Darkness Comes Light'**

**A Twilight Fan Fiction **

**By: DreamsOfEdward1**

**Outtake: **

**~Remember Me~**

_A Mother's Pain_

The cold cuts through me  
My own blood coats me  
I want to feel warm  
But all I can do is weep

He beats me, breaks me,  
Leaves me hurt and defeated  
Alone and depressed  
I beg for forgiveness, but he isn't impressed

The gun shot  
The smile on a young child's face  
The light from his eyes grow cold  
As he lies dying in my arms

Sirens in the night  
The screams of a young boy begging for my love  
As I accuse him and blame him for the death  
Of a man who would have killed me

I gave up on him  
I walked away  
A regret I live with everyday  
My punishment

His silky hair and bright green eyes  
The tears he cried  
The night he took his father's life  
To save mine

Now I sit alone  
In a dark hotel room  
A bottle as my only friend  
Wishing I could hold him again

The night grows cold  
I know I can't hold on anymore  
Death…my only escape  
My last words…

I love you

Poem written by: DreamsOfEdward1

.

**~x~**

**~Elizabeth Masen~**

I sat here taking in the surroundings of this dark and dingy motel room, pen in hand over a sheet of paper, but I had yet to write a single word. After all, what the hell was I supposed to say that would ever explain to my boys how truly sorry I was for all the pain I had brought into their lives. How would I ever make them see the regret that had shattered my world into a thousand pieces?

I can still see him in the back of that police car, so little, so scared, the weight of the world on his shoulders. The expression on that sweet angel's face and the pain in his beautiful green eyes as he watched me, his own mother, tell him I never wanted to see him again. It haunts me to this day. If I had been a real mother, the one he deserved, I would have fucking taken him in my arms, and praised God for sending me this little angel who had just saved my life.

I couldn't see it though, not then anyway, not when it mattered the most. No, not even the next day. Not even when I signed the papers, essentially giving up the only good that had ever come from my life. My two boys should have been my priority. They should have been the only thing I was concerned about, but I was too much of a damn fool to see that.

I was lost in some fantasy world, where somehow I believed that, despite how many times this man had beaten me up, or put me in the hospital, or threatened his own children, that he did it all out of love. If anyone was to blame for it all, it was me for being the less than perfect wife. I made myself believe that I deserved the punishment. If I were a better wife, a better person, then maybe I would deserve him.

Sighing and wiping the tears from my eyes, I stood and walked over to the window. I pushed back the curtains to see that the sun was finally setting. It's funny the things you notice at a time like this. I don't think I've ever realized before how beautiful a sunset can actually be. Even through this dirty-ass window, I can still see the amazing reds, yellows and oranges lingering in the sky. The beginning of an end.

Looking out, I can't help but wonder where they are, somewhere out there in this big world. My mind drifts to the thought of how their lives turned out, wondering whether or not they are happy; and if they've found their places in this world we call a life.

I can imagine that they ended up in the loving arms of someone they could really call a mother. That she raised them with nothing but love in her heart, and that they turned out okay, despite what they had endured in their young lives. I find myself envying her. She had the opportunity to watch my sweet angels become young men; and she would continue to watch them through their lives, guiding them as they became husbands, and eventually fathers.

Thinking of their children quite literally broke my heart. I could imagine Edward's green eyes, my green eyes, staring back at me in the face of a blonde little girl. Her sweet smile lighting her little baby face. But I would never get the chance to meet my grandchildren, and that was my penance for the things I had done to my children's lives.

Closing the curtain, I made my way back over to the table, where the still-empty piece of paper lay. I glanced down at the page, desperately trying to will myself to find the words, with nothing coming to me. I looked up, noticing my haggard appearance in the bathroom mirror, the outside finally reflecting the inside. The shell of the young eager woman I used to be, so sure of myself, my entire life still before me. If I only knew then, what I know now...if only.

Sitting back down, I grabbed the pen again, and stared mindlessly at the paper where I was supposed to somehow put what I was feeling into words. Suddenly, I was looking into the face of a blond-haired, blue-eyed young man who was the mirror image of the man that lay dead on my kitchen floor, just a few feet from where we were standing. He was screaming at me, tears streaming down his face, "How could you do this to Edward, Mom? How could you do this to him?" he cried. "Do you have any idea what he did for you tonight? Any clue what you're putting him through right now? He's your damn son, and you just cast him aside as though what he's done means nothing to you! You make me sick!" he growled, hatred pouring off of him. "You have no right to call yourself his mother!"

I couldn't hear what he was telling me though. I didn't want to hear it. All I could do was picture the only man I had ever loved, dead before me. All I knew was that beautiful little green-eyed boy, who was my son, had put him there. I was too far gone. I was delusional enough to believe that little boy was the monster, not the man he had put a bullet into, to save me.

I watched in a daze as Jasper just shook his head at me in disgust and walked away towards his brother in that police car. Little did I realize at the time, but a part of me died inside when I saw them make eye contact, realizing that, without words, they were forced to say goodbye to each other; and I made no attempt to stop what was happening to them. I brought my hand up and covered my mouth as the tears started to fall again, when the sudden realization hit me that they may have never seen each other again after that night. Of course I had imagined they had, because I couldn't face it if they hadn't. The thought of little Edward alone, without his big brother to look out for him, nearly brought me to my knees. Realistically though, I would never know for sure, and that was something I would never forgive myself for…

I glanced down at the tear-stained paper which now contained one single letter "I" and looked away again. I set the pen down, stood, and walked over to the battered wooden dresser in the corner of the room. It contained the only two possessions I'd brought with me to this place, the only two possessions I would need for the rest of my life. One of which was a full bottle of vodka.

I unwrapped the plastic cup sitting to the left of the bottle, poured a large amount into the cup, and brought it to my lips. The clear liquid didn't even burn anymore as it traveled down my throat. I'd been drinking it for so long now that I was completely desensitized to its sting. It had been my only friend for as long as I could remember, and now I cherished its effects on my body.

Having poured myself another large cup, I placed the lid back on the bottle and walked over to the bed. I took a big swig and set the cup down. As I lay back on the bed, I blankly stared at the ceiling. I'd gone to the adoption agency many times, yet never actually stepped foot inside. I don't know what I actually expected to learn by going there. I just knew at times the desire to know whether or not they were okay was so overpowering that I'd find myself there, but never found the courage to walk through the door.

Edward would be eighteen years old this year, and Jasper twenty. It was hard to believe so much time had passed since I'd last seen them. My baby boys were now men, on the cusp of life.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block the memories that now threatened to come crashing in. Upon opening my eyes again, I was no longer in that disgusting motel room. I found myself kneeling on the floor of our old kitchen, holding what was now my dead husband in my arms. I was barely able to see out of my right eye because it was nearly swollen shut from the blows I had taken from him. My clothes were ripped and soaked with his blood, and the gun that took his life lay at my feet next to him.

I look up to see a pair of frightened green eyes staring at me, begging me to save him from this nightmare. Instead of rushing to the child and protecting him like a good mother should, I was overtaken by anger and disgust. I was incapable of feeling the love and adoration for this little angel, who had most certainly just saved my life. I hated him. I literally hated my own son. He had just taken from me the only man I had ever loved, the only man in my eyes who would ever love me back.

"Edward, what have you done?" I screamed, "What have you done?" The fear leaving his eyes was suddenly replaced with utter sadness, clearly not over what he had just done, but over my reaction to it.

In an instant, as I sat there screaming at him, I watched his childhood slip away. Those sad little green pools became hollow, and the tears that had threatened to fall from them were gone. Complete devastation overtook him as the police entered the house, and pulled him to his feet and outside. Thirteen years old and he had been brave enough to put my life before his, to take the life of his own father to save me; and I had done nothing to comfort him. Nothing to tell him everything would be okay, nothing that a normal mother would have done.

It was too late. I was too far gone to ever be considered a normal mother. So lost in the fantasy, that the only thing that mattered now was that the man that I loved was gone, and that little green-eyed monster had just taken him from me. I sat there for what seemed like hours holding my dead husband, but in reality it was only a few moments. I kept replaying in my head the entire night, and everything I should have done that would have prevented this from happening.

He'd come home angry because I'd been late getting home from work, and didn't have his supper ready.

_First mistake of many._

I saw little Edward out of the corner of my eye from the kitchen. Little Edward always had a habit of watching me cook. He was such an endearing child, but on this night he sat there watching his father's every move. He watched his father move towards me in the kitchen, almost as though he were stalking a prey. I could see that there wasn't the normal fear in those green eyes that was usually there when his father was in the house. No, not tonight. Tonight there was something different behind those eyes. He had the look of a man, not a child. A look that was…the only way I could describe it would be, determined.

I shook my head at him, silently warning him to stay where he was, not because I feared for his safety, _no, that would have been a normal mother's reaction; _but because the look in his eyes told me that tonight would be different, that he would not let it end the way so many other nights had. He didn't see me though; he was completely focused on his father. With each step his father took towards me, he stepped towards his father. Stopping only just in the kitchen to reach above the refrigerator and grab something; _oh my god, is that a gun? _I thought.

As his father was screaming at me and raising his hand to hit me for what seemed like the billionth time, Edward raised that gun and pointed it at his father. I couldn't speak. It all seemed to happen so fast that my brain and mouth couldn't connect the dots, until it was too late.

Just as his father's hand was about to make contact with my face, Edward screamed at him, letting him know he wouldn't be touching me again. He was right. His father lost all interest in me and made a sudden move towards Edward, who stood there with that look of determination so clear in his eyes.

His father just laughed, never imagining that this little boy, his little boy, would have the nerve to put a bullet in him to stop him. Everything is a blur now. I look over to Edward as his father takes one final step towards him, he screams something at him. I don't hear what he says, though. I'm too focused on the smile that has now spread across Edward's face, and then I hear the gunshot. I watch in slow motion as my husband's body falls to the ground in front of me with a thud.

My eyes fly open and I'm back in the present, covered in sweat, tears streaming down my face. I hear my own screams echoing in this cold motel room-"It should have been me...It should have been me"...I chant over and over. "No, Edward, it should have been me." I see his green eyes start to fade away and reach out to touch him one last time, realizing he was never really there. I bring my hand up to wipe the tears from my face, "Oh, God, it should have been me."

Slowly I sit up, gasping for breath, trying to grasp on to what sanity I have left. All these years, all this pain, and it all comes down to one thing, fate. It should have been me that died that night. How much pain and misery would have been avoided? How many lives left unbroken, if it had only been me. If not for that beautiful little green-eyed boy, it would have been me. He and his brother could have gone through their lives with their hearts unbroken, because they never would have had to doubt for one second whether or not their mother loved them.

Standing, I am more determined than ever. I'm going to fix what fate fucked up all those years ago. I walk back over to the dresser, grab the vodka, and the last remaining possession I have left in this life; the bottle of pills that will right what's been wrong for so long.

Walking back over to the note I've yet to finish, I realize sitting down, there is nothing I can really say that will ever be enough to fully explain to them the things I've done or the choices that I've made. I can make one thing very clear for them, so they never have to doubt it again. I pick up the pen and finish the sentence on the page "I love you." It's simple, but true. Through everything, it's the one constant that's never changed. I just couldn't see it before, through my broken body and battered heart, but it was always there. Always living and breathing, just under the surface of it all.

I set the pen back down with a shaky hand, take the cap off the vodka, and empty the entire bottle of pills into my hand. I put them in my mouth and swallow...

The sun is shining, and in the distance, I see them running towards me, smiles on their beautiful little faces. I kneel down, arms open wide, and scoop them up just as we collide with each other, hugging them tight to me. I whisper to them with tears in my eyes, "I love you."

I watch them fade away as the blackness takes hold of me. My final words lingering on my lips, "Please, remember me."

**~end of outtake~**

**~Chapter 17~**

**~The Beginning of the End ~**

**~Jasper~**

"Fuck! Where is that noise coming from?" I reached up, grabbing my head, which was throbbing and turned in the direction of that incredibly loud buzzing sound. Realizing it was my cell vibrating on the bedside table, I reached for it, nearly knocking everything off in the process.

"Yeah," I answered roughly.

"Jasper? You okay, son?" I could barely hear the voice say over my pounding head.

"Dad? What is it? What's wrong?" I asked, glancing at the clock and noticing it was just barely seven in the morning.

"I'm sorry to call you so early, son, but I really need you to come over as soon as possible," he replied.

"Is it mom? Did something happen?" I choked out in a panic.

"No, she's fine, this has nothing to do with her. I just really need to see you and Edward right away," he replied.

My stomach was now churning and I felt an immediate need to throw up, so I started to slide out of the bed and in my haste to get to the bathroom before I puked all over everything, I bumped up against something soft and warm laying in the bed next to me.

Suddenly I was rushed with a flood of memories from last night...Alice is gone...drinking a lot...Alice is never coming back...crying a lot...drinking more...Mary. "Oh shit!" I screamed out "What have I done?"

"Son,.. Jasper, what's wrong?" I heard Carlisle screaming into the phone, pulling me from my regrets.

Remembering last night, in full detail now, made me even sicker to my stomach.

"It's nothing. I have to go, I'll be there as soon as I can get there," I said in a rush and probably more abrupt than I would have liked to be with my dad, as I hung up the phone, throwing it on the bed.

I crept into the bathroom as quietly as I could, still half drunk and incredibly hung over, and planted myself in front of the toilet. _How could I let this happen? I care about her, she isn't some nameless whore. She deserves better. _As I am sitting there drowning in my own misery, I hear her voice. "Jasper, are you okay?" she asks. Worry lacing her expression, as she bends over and brushes the hair out of my face.

"Mary, I-I..." I stutter, reaching up and taking her hand in mine.

"What is it?" she asks, kneeling down in front of me.

"I'm so sorry,.." I choke out, burying my face in my hand.

"Jasper, what are you sorry for?" she questions, pulling my head up to look into my eyes.

"F-for last night, for e-everything."

Realization dawned on her face, and then her expression turned to one of pain, as she stood up, backing away from me.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Jasper?" she asked angrily, with tears in her eyes.

Now it was my turn, realizing that my words were not as sensitive as they could have been. I somehow managed to make it to a standing position and moved towards her, as she turned towards the bedroom.

"Mary, wait, I didn't mean it like that, please stop," I begged as she grabbed her clothes and threw them on without saying another word and headed right for the front door.

She turned just before stepping out, and the expression on her face just about knocked me over. "You know, Jasper, it's been a year since you lost Alice, since we all lost her. I have waited patiently, I have tried to be here for you through your shifting moods and binge drinking, and in that process may have even fallen in love with you. But It's so clear now, it's all been a complete waste of my time," she cried.

"Mary, please don't say that, I'm sorry you misunderstood..." she cut me off with one final blow.

"No, Jasper, I didn't misunderstand anything. It really is crystal clear, I will never be what you need. You know why?"

I didn't want this to go on, but I couldn't help myself. "Why?" I asked, barely able to breathe, between my head pounding, my stomach doing somersaults, and the pain I have caused her unintentionally; I was about to have a serious fucking panic attack.

"I will never be her, and I'm tired of competing with a ghost!" she said angrily, walking out the door and slamming it behind her.

I backed up against the wall just inside the door and slid down until my ass hit the floor hard. _"What have I done?"_ I asked no one but myself, as I buried my face in my hands. "

**~Edward~**

_She said yes_...

_She loves me..._

_She wants to spend the rest of her life with me..._

Sitting here in this rocking chair in the corner of the room, these are the only thoughts I can think at the moment. I've been planted here for what feels like hours watching Bella sleep peacefully in the bed across from me, where we gave ourselves to each other completely over and over again last night.

I'm not sure how long I've actually been sitting here, but I know it's been awhile when the sunlight starts to creep in through the window. I didn't even attempt to sleep, I knew it was pointless anyway. Even though my body was exhausted from last night's events, my mind and heart were not; in fact, if I had to rely only on them and not my body to function, I'm sure I could ride the high of last night for days without sleep.

My cell starts to ring from across the room, and I jump to my feet, stumbling toward it, trying to reach it before it wakes Bella.

"Hello," I answer without even looking to see who it is that's calling.

The clock says just after seven, it's probably Esme calling to see how last night went.

"Edward?" I hear his voice say.

"Carlisle?...is there something wrong?" I asked, rarely does Carlisle pick up the phone without cause, so I immediately assumed the worst.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I wouldn't bother you now if this were not important. I've already spoken to Jasper, I need the two of you to come to the house as soon as possible. There are some things we need to discuss."

"Dad, can't this wait, I mean I can't just leave Bella..."

"No, Edward, it has to be now. I'm sorry again, but this really can't wait!" he abruptly cut me off.

"Okay...Okay, Just let me get dressed, and I'll head back into town."

"Thank you, son, see you soon," he said, hanging up the phone.

I stared at the phone for a minute, and I knew Carlisle would never bother me now if this weren't serious. I set the phone back down on the table and crawled into bed next to Bella, reaching over and gently shaking her until she rolled over to look at me.

"Morning,.." she said smiling.

"Morning, angel," I replied, smiling back at her. "I'm sorry to wake you, but I have to head back into town for a bit. Carlisle just called. Something's happened, and he asked Jasper and I to come to the house."

"What is it?" she asked with concern.

"That's just it, he won't say. So I don't think I should keep him waiting."

"No, you shouldn't. Go, I'll wait here for you to come back," she said, reaching up and brushing my cheek with her fingers."

I grabbed her hand from my face and brought it to my lips, kissing it gently. _"_I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise"

"Take all the time you need, baby, I'll be right here waiting for you."

Damn it, I hated the fact that I had to leave, especially now that my dick was standing at full attention again with her words. I didn't have a fucking choice though, so I kissed her hand again and crawled back out of bed, throwing my clothes back on as I headed out of the room.

"Edward,..." she called out to me.

"Yes, angel?" I asked.

"On second thought...don't take too long," she replied in a sultry voice that just about made me say, "Fuck it!" and turn around. But I couldn't do that, not to Carlisle.

"Oh, I won't, I promise angel," I called out, as I was already sprinting for the door.

**~Carlisle~**

I sat in the chair across from the detective, watching him tap his foot, as he waited, like me, for the boys to arrive. The only information I could get out of him was that this visit had to do with Edward and Jasper, and their real mother, Elizabeth. Which, to be quite honest, was making me incredibly tense and weary about how this would turn out.

It was silly of me to call them the boys still, when they had so clearly grown into brilliant young men and doctors. But it was hard, even now, not to picture those broken little faces staring back at me from all those years ago. Lost and alone, abandoned by a mother who had suffered so much abuse at the hands of their own father that she had been deduced to a madwoman. I mean, how else could you explain her lack of love and compassion for her own children, even after what Edward had done to save her life on that terrible night.

Giving them up for adoption would not be the final blow she dealt them though; no, that would come a few years later. When, instead of doing what a real mother should have done, which was to seek out her children that she had so coldly dispensed of, and show them that they were really loved and adored. She took the road that only her madness could have shown her by swallowing a bottle of pills and essentially fracturing any remains of hope still lingering in their hearts.

I will never forget the look in Edward's eyes the morning I had to tell him that his mother was gone. I know up until that moment, he held out hope that the mother he remembered from his early childhood, would come back and profess her love for him.

He's carried so much weight on his shoulders since the night his father died. Not only did he have to live with knowing he was the one that pulled the trigger that ended his father's life; but he also lived with the guilt every day that his mother, who should have taken him in her arms that night and thanked God for him, instead pushed him away as though he were the monster and not his father. Thus, her actions effectively destroyed any chance that Edward may have had to properly recover from the choice he had to make that night.

I brought my hands up, rubbing my eyes. Even after all this time, it was still hard to stop the tears from falling for that little green-eyed boy.

And then there was Jasper, who in some ways had suffered even more destruction than Edward. He never stopped feeling guilty that he wasn't there that night, to make that terrible choice himself instead of his little brother having to do it. But above all else, Jasper carried hate in his young heart. He never had the hope that Edward did when it came to their mother. He saw the cold emptiness in her eyes that night, he knew she would never see the gift that Edward had just given her. He was aware, even then, that she was damaged beyond repair, and he hated her for it.

The news of her suicide brought no emotion out in him whatsoever, because in his eyes his mother died that night along with his father. He never understood Edward's love for her after what she had done to them. It disgusted him to know that his brother suffered so much because of her, and that made him hate her all the more.

I heard a throat clear in the distance, "You alright, Mr. Cullen?" the detective asked.

"I don't know, Detective Connelly. I guess I won't know that until you tell me what this visit is really about. These boys have suffered so much already, I just don't see the point in dredging up the past unnecessarily. Especially now that they are finally getting past everything that happened."

"I understand how you feel, Mr. Cullen, I really do."

"Do you? Do you really understand the trauma they have been through?" I asked angrily.

"I am very aware of their situation. I have thoroughly been over their case file, along with their mother's. So, yes, sir, I do believe I understand," he replied coldly.

"They are not just a case file to me, Detective, they are living, breathing human beings, who for once in their lives deserve some compassion for the shit that they have had to endure," I yelled. I couldn't help myself. The stress of knowing that I may have summoned Edward and Jasper here only to have their past thrown in their faces again was becoming too much to bear.

"Mr. Cullen, I assure you, I hold nothing but compassion for their situation. I would not be here if I didn't," he tried to reassure me, to no avail.

"Can't you just give me some idea of what this is about?" I begged, jumping to my feet and pacing the floor in front of him.

"No, I'm sorry," he replied, reaching up and running his fingers through his hair. "This information needs to be shared only when they are present. Sir, again, please try to understand I am not here to cause them undue pain. I am simply here to deliver something that is rightfully theirs, something that they should have been given right after their mother's death."

Just as he finished his sentence, the front door opened and in walked Jasper. He looked like hell, and I was pretty sure I knew why. "Jasper, you look terrible. You alright?" I asked, as he made his way into the living room.

"I'm fine, Dad, what's this about?" he said, glancing toward Detective Connelly sitting in the chair."

"I'm afraid we'll have to wait for your brother to get here, before we can find that out," I replied, eyeing the detective cautiously.

The detective stood up and walked towards Jasper to shake his hand. I couldn't help but notice that the detective looked to be about the same age as Jasper. "Jasper Cullen, my name is Detective Connelly. I'm here on behalf of the Port Angeles Police Department, sir."

Jasper reluctantly took his hand, looking at him curiously. "What's this about, Detective?" he questioned.

"I promise, sir, as soon as your brother Edward arrives, we'll get this over with," he replied, sitting back down in the chair and pulling a torn piece of paper out of a manila folder.

Jasper watched the detective for a minute longer then moved past me towards the kitchen. "I need some aspirin and some water," he grumbled as he went by.

Just as Jasper came back out of the kitchen, Edward walked through the front door. He had a huge smile on his face, and Jasper and I both stared at him in awe. This was not the Edward we were used to seeing. I walked over to him, hugging him.

"Morning, son, good night last night?" I chuckled, wrapping my arms around him.

"She said _yes_, dad," he replied, unable to contain his joy.

"Congratulations, son, I'm so happy for the two of you," I whispered, letting him go.

Jasper walked up to Edward, reached up and patted him on the shoulder. "I told you, man, never a reason to doubt that she would, right? Congratulations, little bro," he said, forcing a smile on his face.

"Yeah, thanks," Edward said, smirking. "You look like shit, Jasper, everything okay?"

"I don't know, ask me that after we find out what this is about," Jasper replied, turning towards the detective once more.

"Who's this?" Edward asked, noticing Detective Connelly, as he stood and made his way over to him.

"Edward Cullen, I'm Detective Connelly, Port Angeles PD. Pleased to meet you," he said, holding out his hand to Edward.

Edward reached out and reluctantly took his hand. "Yeah, nice to meet you, too. What's this about?" he asked.

"I'm sorry to bother you all so early on a Sunday morning, but a few weeks ago I was charged with cleaning up some old case files; and I came across the file belonging to your mother, Elizabeth Masen."

Edward gasped and backed up, sitting down in the chair without saying a word. Jasper walked over to the detective with fire in his eyes. "Why the fuck would we give a shit about her case file?" he groaned.

"I apologize, sir, but you see, while going through her file I found this," he said wearily, holding out the torn piece of paper to Jasper. "After some investigating, I was able to come to the conclusion this was never shared with the two of you. And having been through a similar situation myself, I felt it was my duty to make sure this was delivered to its intended parties."

Jasper took the piece of paper in his hand and looked down at it, eyeing the words on the page. Edward watched Jasper as he read the mysterious words, until he couldn't contain himself any longer and stood, walking towards him. "What is it, Jasper? What does it say?" Edward asked impatiently.

Jasper looked up at the detective furiously, "Is this what I think it is?" he asked angrily, shoving the paper in the detective's chest.

Edward reached out and grabbed the paper before the detective even had a chance to respond. He looked down at the words on the page and stood there for a long while just staring at it.

"Yes," the detective finally said. "It's your mother's suicide letter. It was found still clasped in her hands the morning of her death," his voice barely audible.

Edward was grasping the paper so tightly, and his entire body was shaking. I walked over to where he was frozen and put my arm around his shoulder, glancing down at the words written in a very messy script on the tattered paper.

My dearest Jasper & Edward,

I love you.

…..were the only words written on the torn note.

Jasper immediately started shouting at the detective. "How dare you? How dare you bring this bullshit here after all this time? Do you honestly think we give a damn whether or not that fucking bitch loved us?" he screamed.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, yes I honestly believed it would be something you would want to know. You see, I too, lost my mother to suicide, but she left no note...no letter...no words at all to say that she gave a shit about me, her only son. So you'll forgive me if I felt it was necessary for the two of you to know that your mother's dying wish was to make sure her sons knew that she did love them."

"Really," Jasper spat, "You think some words on a page can take away all the pain she caused? All the years of misery suffered because of her, our so-called mother. I don't think so, this changes nothing!" he finished, as he turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

I moved to go after him, and Edward, awakening from his trance, reached up and grabbed my arm. "No, dad, let me," was all he said as he headed for the front door.

"As you wish, son," was all I could get out before he, too, was gone.

**~Jasper~**

I could hear Edward's footsteps behind me even before he grabbed my arm, trying to stop me. I know I should have been more sensitive to my little brother's needs before having stomped out of the house like that. I know that getting that note probably was the best thing that could have happened to him. He needed just once to hear that bitch say she loved him. He's craved it ever since the day she turned her back on him. But fuck, I am so tired of this fucking so-called mother of ours coming back to haunt every step we take in our lives.

"Jasper, please stop!"

"What is it, Edward? What do you want from me? I can't go back in there. I can't listen to another word about her," I groaned, turning around to look at him.

I could see it in his eyes, I was right, that note meant everything to him. Hell, he was still holding it in his hand, and as sick as this sounds, I wanted to punch him. I wanted to knock some God damn sense into him and make him see that that letter meant nothing. It didn't make her love real just because it was written down, to fucking love someone you have to show them everyday how much they mean to you. God, I hated her.

"Jasper," Edward said, pulling me from my murderous thoughts. "It's okay, ya know?

"What's okay, Edward? I asked snidely.

He opened his arms and wrapped them around me, "It's okay, to feel pain; it's okay to hate, even. But I know, Jasper, more than anyone else, that those words on that paper mean just as much to you as they do to me. You can't fool me, I know you better than anyone. I know this road that we have been down together, and I know what she did to us hurt you just as much as it did me. And this note," he said, as he released me and held it up in the air, "This note may not change what she did to us, but it shows that she died loving us."

I stood there wrapped in the arms of my little brother, my head and heart waging an internal battle with each other. How could he know the pain I suffered? I thought I was so good at hiding it, so good at never letting it show. In my heart were all the memories of the long nights locked away in my room, silently crying, begging God to bring her back to us, and in my heart lay all the pain of realizing that she never would. I wanted to hate her, it was so much easier than believing that she could have loved us and still walked away from us.

"Edward I-I,..." I began to falter.

It became hard for me to breathe, my heart started to race and my body started to tremble, and before I knew it, the tears were falling so heavily I could barely see. I held onto Edward, terrified that letting him go would cause me to lose my last shreds of sanity.

"It's okay, Jasper, let it go," Edward choked out, pulling me tighter.

A few minutes later, Edward tried to pull away, but I was reluctant to let him go, until I heard her voice.

"Jasper," she whispered, as Edward backed away and she wrapped her arms around me.

I looked up at Edward one last time before he disappeared into the house, and for the first time since that night all those years ago I didn't see sadness lingering in his eyes.

With Edward gone, I was left standing there holding this beautiful woman in my arms. A few hours ago I was sure I had pushed her away for good. But today it seems I have been given yet another gift. First, the gift of realizing that, although my mother had been broken, somewhere deep in her battered heart, she did love me. Now I am given the gift of realizing that Mary isn't here to replace Alice in my life, she's here to show me that my ability to love again didn't die that night with her.

I pulled her in as close as possible, and whispered, "I love you." in her ear.


	18. Chapter 18 Full Circle

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please note that the story idea behind this fiction is entirely that of the authors. Use of any portion of this fiction, without the authors' prior approval is strictly prohibited.

A/N Special thanks to some very dear friends of mine, my beta Jeanne without you this story would still be just a crazy dream of mine. Thank you for sticking by me from beginning to end regardless of the road it took us to get here. Jackie without you this story would just be words on page with no meaning behind them thank you so much for everything you have ever done for me. I love you both more than words could ever say.

**"Christmas in Bethlehem. The ancient dream: a cold, clear night made brilliant by a glorious star, the smell of incense, shepherds and wise men falling to their knees in adoration of the sweet baby, the incarnation of perfect love."**

**By: Lucinda Franks**

**~X~**

**Full Circle**

**Part 1**

**December 25th**

**Christmas Day**

Standing here in front of this full length mirror, in this silky white dress fit for a princess. I turn this way and that way, smiling as I admire the way the soft material falls just right over my slender form accentuating every curve in all the right places. Not one strand of hair out of place. Soft white flowers strewn throughout my brown locks highlight the way my hair falls perfectly over my bare shoulders. Reaching up my fingers brush across the pearl necklace that Esme had given me moments ago now hanging at the base of my neck "Something old," she'd said.

"These belonged to Edward's grandmother she wore them on her wedding day too," she finished as she wrapped the delicate strand of pearls around my neck, clasping them. She looked at my reflection in the mirror and smiled. A brilliant shade of red spreads across my cheeks, as my fingers trace each opaque pearl. I don't think I've ever felt more beautiful than I do in this moment.

Still staring into the mirror in amazement, I notice Esme reappear just behind me with tears in her eyes as she glances over her nearly complete work of art. Sheer joy and happiness wrap her feminine features and for a brief moment I picture my own mother standing in her place watching her only daughter as she prepares herself for the most important day of her life. A face much like mine appears in my mind as I try hard to remember what she looked like the last time I saw her. I reach up and run my fingers down the outlines of my face as I look back into the mirror it hits me that the face I see there is nearly an exact replica of hers as I remember it. I imagine how different things may have been had she not walked out of my life all those years ago.

A deep sadness threatens to consume me, as my memories of that cold winter day when I awoke to find that my young life was suddenly changed forever replays in my mind. The sound of Esme's sweet voice pulls me back to my reality.

"Bella," she says with a shaky voice stepping closer to me as she gently wraps her hands around my shoulders turning me around to face her. "I know I'm not your mother, but I hope I can speak for her as if she were here today in my place. You are without a doubt the most stunning bride I have ever seen and my son is the luckiest man in the world to have found such a beautiful person inside and out. I have no doubt that if Renee were here right now she would be the proudest mother on the face of the planet for having brought such an amazing creature into this world. I hope you can find peace in your heart one day when you realize that although your mother did the unspeakable by abandoning her only child, there were other forces that drove her away. What happened was not your fault and you can't spend the rest of your life carrying the weight of blame on those tiny shoulders of yours for her mistakes."

I take a deep breath and push the pain of the memories away. I won't allow anything, not even my mother, to take away my happiness today. I look directly into Esme's eyes through my tear soaked eyelashes so thankful that I have her here by my side on this day. This day, that for almost a lifetime it feels like now, would never come. This day, when Edward the man I've loved since the moment I looked into his dazzling green eyes on that fateful fall day and I, say our vows to each other and turn two hopeless souls that have been spiraling towards each other for years into one...one magnificent, glimmering soul destined for greatness and full of new beginnings.

"Thank you, Esme. I don't know what I'd do without you. Having you here by my side today means everything to me."

A simple thank you would never seem enough to repay this incredible woman for all that she has given me. I'm not just talking about planning my wedding day down to the last detail or offering up her beautiful home so that there could be a wedding at all.

No, I'm talking about her opening her heart up to two lost little boys so long ago. Showing them what real love is, making them a part of her family and giving them a home they could call their own. Guiding them into the brilliant men they are today, despite all the pain and suffering they had to go through to get here. If it weren't for her God knows what would have happened to them but I'm pretty sure had she not been there to save them, none of us would be here today and there is nothing I could ever do to repay her for giving me Edward and making my dreams come true.

"There is no need to thank me, Bella. This is what a real mother does for the children she bears. She feeds them, clothes them, loves them and tries to guide them, hoping against hope that after everything she has put into the pot to make the recipe just right; they choose the right path leading them to the happiness that she has envisioned for them from the beginning. When that happens, that, is the only thanks a mother ever needs."

I stood there speechless and mesmerized by her words contemplating what has been, what is and what will be. Realizing that nothing is random, every event that happens in our lives has a purpose, dragging us towards the future we are destined to live. I recognize that fate truly does play a strong part in each of our lives, guiding us down the path we were predestine to take from the very beginning. It's the gentle hand that nudges us when we lose our way, guiding us back on course until we reach the destination we were determined for.

I'm not sure looking back now, if I would change one single thing that brought us here to this moment today. Sure I would probably give just about anything to have Alice standing here with me on my wedding day, but if it weren't for all of the pain and sorrow, heartbreak and tears that we have all shared down this long and winding road would we even be here now? Would any of this be happening if Edward hadn't suffered his tragic past drawing him to me in the first place and then ultimately ended up breaking my heart pulling us apart only to be brought back together through more heartbreak and tragedy.

If I hadn't met and married Jacob or if Edward and Alice hadn't been thrown together in a marriage out of desperation through our separation, would we be here? If Alice hadn't gotten sick and paid the highest price of all of us, losing a lifetime of happiness with Jasper the only man she really ever loved, would Edward and I have ever crossed paths again? It's hard to say what would have happened to any of us had all those things not played a role in getting us here but it scares me more to think about not being here with Edward then all of those tragic events combined. I know in this moment with absolute certainty that I am where I am today for no other reason than fate bringing me right where I am supposed to be.

"You look so beautiful, Bella," I hear my dad's voice coo from the doorway pulling me from my thoughts.

I turn and start towards him and he opens his arms wrapping them around me the moment I am close enough. He sighs and I look up into his eyes to see teardrops forming there.

"I love you, Dad," I whisper as a sad smile spreads across his haggard looking features, features of a man broken before his time by life's cruel jokes. I reach up brushing my hand down the lapel of his tuxedo jacket and beam up at him thinking to myself how handsome he looks all dressed up.

"I love you too, Bells. This is a difficult moment for me. My little girl all grown up. That beautiful wedding dress pales in comparison to the woman who now wears it. I feel like I've only just gotten you back into my life and now I'm losing you again," he croaks out quickly trying to wipe the tears away that are now streaming down his cheek.

"You're not losing me, Dad. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just completing the life that I should have lived from the moment I met Edward, fixing what has been broken for so long. But I promise you that I'm never going away again. You're stuck with me." I lightly chuckle through my tears.

He looks at me and there is a light in his eyes that I haven't seen in a very long time and for a moment I am given a glimpse of the younger, tender and more vibrant version of my father I remembered as a young girl. A smile plays on his lips as my words sink in and he opens his mouth to speak but can't seem to find any words. Instead he wraps his arms around me once more pulling me close to him and in that moment no more words need to be spoken. It's just my dad and I in the room. I cling to him as I once did as a small girl and realize how blessed I am that even through all of his falters he has been the one constant in my life, never wavering in his love for me.

After several moments Esme appears beside us and gently pulls me away from my dad.

"I'm sorry, Charlie, but I must steal here away. Come on, Bella. Let's fix that make-up that's running down your face. You don't want to be late for your own wedding, do you?" she says pulling a tissue out of her pocket and wiping the mascara away from under my eyes.

I watch my dad as he looks at Esme and mouths the words "Thank you," to her as he turns to walk away. She smiles a sweet smile at him and turns to busy herself with fixing her masterpiece.

"Oh, Bells, I almost forgot the reason I came in here to begin with," my dad says reaching into his pocket and pulling out a gorgeous blue handkerchief with the letters C.S. and the words I love you delicately sewn onto it and holds it out to me. I reach up and take it from him and a distant memory is pulled from the recesses of my mind of my father curled up in a ball on his bed clinging to that handkerchief the night my mother disappeared from our lives.

"Something borrowed and something blue. Renee had that made for me on our wedding day," he said barely audible.

"Thank you, dad," I whisper.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," he replies forcing a smile, as he turns to exit the room once more.

I stand there looking at the small piece of blue material and trace my fingers along the embellished letters. I grin a little as I realize there was a side to my mother I had never known. By the time I had arrived into the world she appeared bitter and so angry towards my father. Clearly this showed that she did love him very much at one point, but that love faded quickly when she realized that she would never be able to convince him to leave Forks and the thought of being trapped here for the rest of her life was more than she could bear.

"It's beautiful." Esme said looking down at the handkerchief resting in my hands.

"It is isn't it?" I reply softly.

She smiles as she continued to fiddle with my make-up.

"You really do look stunning, Bella." Mary says as she works behind me to fix the few strands of hair that had fallen out of place.

"Thank you, Mary. I'm so glad you're here."

"No, Bella, It is I who am honored that you allowed me to be a part of this day with you."

Shortly after Edward proposed to me I asked Mary to be my maid of honor. We all had become very close dealing with the loss of Alice and well let's face it I don't have many friends left in Forks. She was so excited that she blurted out yes even before I could finish asking her.

She's become such a big part of Jasper's life over the last year. I worry sometimes where he would be if she hadn't been there to pick up the pieces after Alice's death. Some people might say that Jasper only sees Alice in her, because she looks so much like her at times it uncanny. But I know Mary is so much more than that to him.

She's a strong and compassionate woman, so full of patience and love for Jasper that I honestly believe she was sent directly from Alice above to watch over him and give him what he has been missing since the day she died. What else could really explain Mary appearing in Jasper's life on the one day he so desperately needed her.

"Bella, pick your foot up." Rosalie nudges the back of my leg from the floor beneath me. I do as she asked with a groan as she slides on one of the dreadful heels I've had nightmares about for days now. I could barely stand up straight in my flats let alone walk down the aisle in four inch heels and nothing could ruin a girls wedding day more than falling flat on her face while making her way down the aisle towards the man of her dreams.

"Stop worrying, Bella. Charlie is not going to let you fall." Rosalie says noticing my hesitance with the shoes. I look down at her with a grimace, still terrified despite her attempt to console me.

After asking Mary to be my maid of honor, I reluctantly called Rosalie and asked if she would be my only bride's maid. I say reluctantly because I had only met Rosalie one other time and that was on the day of Alice's funeral. I thought she might think me strange for asking her to be a part of my wedding when we barely knew each other and lived so far apart but it seemed only fitting since Edward had already asked Emmet to be his only groomsmen .Rosalie gladly accepted thankfully. Because without her grace and sense of style I would probably be walking down the aisle in my favorite Levi's and flip flops.

She and Emmet met while still in college and from what I have heard, fell in love almost instantly getting married just short of the two of them graduating. They chose to make a life in New York instead of coming back to Forks since Emmet had chosen the more traditional role of following in his father's footsteps to become a doctor he could pretty much practice medicine any where they chose to be. But Rosalie set her sights on turning the fashion world upside down, as she put it, graduating at the top of her class earning a degree in fashion and design and well let's face it forks is not the fashion capital of the world.

So staying in New York was the better choice for her career path and she has already worked with some of the top fashion names in the industry; designing outfits for some of the worlds highest paid models. Currently she has stepped back from all of that to pursue her dream of running her own fashion magazine and it has taken nearly every ounce of her energy to get it off the ground and running.

They were definitely a match made in heaven; Rosalie was absolutely beautiful with her long blond hair and tall slender frame. She was the perfect complement to Emmet's large well built form. They made a fierce couple and everyone who had the pleasure of being in their company could feel the genuine love that radiated from them.

A throat clears from the doorway and we all turn to see Jasper standing there.

"Holy shit, Bella, you look hot!" he exclaims.

"Jasper Cullen, you watch your mouth. I taught you better then to spew trash like that in front of a lady." Esme chastises him.

"You're right, sorry mom." he says apologetically. "You really do look beautiful, Bells. Edward is a lucky man."

"Thanks Jasper." I say with a chuckle.

"You ladies about ready to get this show on the road? You have a room full of people waiting and one very anxious groom. I don't think I'll be able to keep him calm very much longer."

"You tell him to hold his horses. We're almost ready just a few more minutes." Esme replies.

"As you wish." he smiles, blows Mary a kiss and mouth's the words I love you before disappearing out the door.

I look over at Mary and the blush that has spread across her face at Jasper's gesture. "It won't be long ya know?" I can't help but say to her.

She looks at me with a puzzled expression on her face. "It won't be long until what?" she asks.

"It won't be long before the two of you are right here where Edward and I are." I say with a smile.

"You really think so?" she questions, smiling back at me as that blush consumes her cheeks once again.

"Of course I do Mary, there has never been a doubt in my mind since the day you walked into Jaspers life there could be no other for him. He loves you, you know that."

The smile fades briefly from her face as she looks at me. "I'm not her." she softly whispers.

I walk over to where she stands, taking her hands in mine. "No Mary, you are not her. You're you, the woman that brought light back into Jasper's cold dead world. The woman who saved him from a lifetime of pain and misery. There will always be a place in his heart for Alice, but there is only one woman who will ever be a part of his soul and she is standing right here."

The smile returns to her face as a tear escapes down her cheek. "You have no idea how much that means coming from you Bella. I know how much Alice meant to you. How much she meant to all of us but especially to you. I would never attempt to fill her shoes Nor could I, even if I tried. She was beautiful in every sense of the word and no one could ever replace her. But I do love Jasper and would give just about anything to spend the rest of my life being everything he needs me to be."

"You mark my words Mary Brandon. Jasper will be on his knee in no time showing you just how much he wants that too." I whisper reaching up to wipe her tears away.

"Bella, are you ready, it's that time." Esme says walking over to me and taking my arm in hers.

"I don't think I've ever been more ready for anything in my life Esme." I reply as she smiles and pulls me towards the hallway where my dad is waiting at the top of the stairs.

He sees me and holds out his arm awaiting mine. I cringe at the site of the stairs before me and look down at my heels and back up to my dad as I take his arm. "Dad, whatever else happens please don't let me fall." I beg nervously.

"Never," is his only reply as he locks his arm with mine.

We begin the descent down the staircase and for the first time Esme's hard work comes into view. Little white bell shaped flowers and satiny white bows adorn nearly everything I see and as we reach the bottom of the staircase I almost want to get down on my knees and kiss the ground for having made it a least this far without falling on my face.

I look up, as Canon in D major by Pachelbel begins to play in the distance, to see Edward standing there at the end of the aisle, our eyes meet and everything else in the room vanishes.

In what seems like an instant I am standing next to him as the music stills and complete silence fills the air around us. He takes my arm from my father and intertwines it with his never looking away from me. Every bit of nerves that littered my body only moments ago disappear as I stand there looking into his eyes.

That crooked grin I love so much appears on his face as tears of joy fill my eyes. Nothing else matters in this moment but him and I and a lifetime filled with hope and happiness. After what feels like an eternity I have awoken from my dream into the reality of a world illuminated by the promise of everlasting love and hope. Standing beside me is my life, my love and my future, for which I am ready to finally bind myself to until death do we part and even after, as fate deemed it so from the beginning.


End file.
